I am in my mid-20s and ended a three year relationship about seven months ago. I have been dating for two months, and thought things were going well.

We both live in the same city, but have jobs that require us to travel, so we primarily spend time together on weekends. We had a great date Friday night, but then I hardly heard from him all weekend. He called Sunday to say the he's selfish with his time on the weekends and doesn't feel this is fair to me, so he doesn't want to see me anymore. I can appreciate his reasoning, as his father is sick, and he spends time taking care of his parents, and I understand that he also has other obligations and friends as well. I'm just blindsided by this because it happened so suddenly, with no warning signals from him that he wasn't interested anymore.

I haven't complained when I couldn't see him, I try to make the most of our time together when we can. I'm wondering if he misread my giving him space as not being interested.

I'm just looking for some adivce and also wondering if I should call and talk with him so that I can have some closure over the situation. I have some questions I'd like answered, and some things to put in the open. Would I look too pushy by calling? I think I'm a little gun shy from the last relationship, so I'm not sure the best way to handle things. Thanks in advance!

I dated a guy about 10 years ago for a very short amount of time. He and I had been friends for 3 years and when he realized that he was interested in me, I had a boyfriend. For three months prior to us dating, he flirted and tried to get me to break up with my boyfriend. When I finally got together with him, I thought things were great between us, but he suddenly broke up with me. He gave me absolutely no reason, he just said that he couldn't be with me. All this time, I've never been able to figure out what I'd done wrong in the relationship.

He and I have remained good friends since that time, but we'd never spoken about why he ended things with me. He lives about 7 hours away from me and came home for Thanksgiving just last week. He came over to visit me while he was here and apologized for the way things worked out with us. He said he didn't realize it at the time, but he had some issues (that he explained to me, but I won't go into here) and at the time, he couldn't handle the pressure of having a girlfriend.

It's been ten years since we dated and I just got closure last week. I know this is long winded and not necessarily the same situation that you are in, but perhaps the man you've been dating has some "issues" of his own and it has nothing to do with you.

Honey, just be thankful he at least gave you some reason to it all. So many times guys just disappear with out any reason why. Heck, they could even lie, but I don't even get that. I guess it is a good thing I was made of tough stuff, so I don't really care for long. Although this doesn't say much for me, I hope you can find some comfort in knowing it's just not you. But life goes on, I have, and so will you.

If he isn't willing to be open and honest with you now, do you think that would change if you two were to stay together?

Really don't try to analyze it. Men, especially at that age, don't make any sense. I know it sucks, but his reasoning sounds like a lame excuse to me.

And since you recently ended a long relationship, don't be too eager to look for another one, in this guy or the next three. Heck, you're probably dealing with the remnants of that big one.

Enjoy this time in your life. It will be gone before you know it and you will look back and wonder what happened. Guys come and go. Stick with your friends, go out and have a good time and there will be more men in your future soon enough.

Thanks for all the advice and insight. Still feel pretty hurt by the whole thing, but I think flaire makes a good point. I need to give myself time and not put too many expectations into the next few relationships. I'll find the right one when it's time. I'm just thankful he told me now instead of a year or two down the road.

From a man's perspective, even if you did call him he'd just be resentful that you were still calling him. My advice is to just move on. It's so easy for a woman to find a date, there is no reason to be hung up on one guy. Give the rest of the guys a chance.

It isn't that easy for a girl to find a date. People may ask her out all the time, but we do have standards and try to be somewhat selective.
I think she has a right to know the whole story, so if she feels it necessary to call and at least try to get an answer, she should. If she had feelings for this guy, it isn't that easy to just let go.

Thanks Slick. It's definitely hard to find a date, let alone a good date, when I travel so much. As far as going out with my friends, every last one is married and has children, so the nights we can all get together are few and far between (don't get me wrong - it's a great time when we do!).
As far as calling, I left a message in a moment of weakness. I'm not looking to try to get back together, just for some answers. I'm doubting he'll call back, but at least I know I tried.

Well I know exactly how you feel--trust me. The same goes for a lot of my friends. It is hard, but you deal. I hope you find the answers you need.

I am just speaking from a womans point of view. And as pathetic as it may seem, who would know he was lying. Sometimes any answer is better than no answer at all. And unless I missed something, she is looking for an answer not really to get back together.

Why would she want a reason if it's not the truth?

I just assumed she wanted to get back together with him since she's depressed. In my little world I don't get worked up about relationships that end where I don't want back with the person. Ultimately I was just assuming though.

Well, I don't have the answers. We just differ in opinion I guess. Not the first time, no big deal.

I think the longer two people are together and the closer the relationship, the more of a moral obligation exists to explain why you want out. Not calling again after a couple casual dates may only warrant an "oh well," but a serious relationship lasting months or years deserves a lot more (i.e., the truth). As hard that may be on the one doing the breaking up, it's far harder on the one being broke up with. Even if you don't care about the person anymore, people just naturally want closure.

Me and my girl have broken up 3 times, but never longer than a month, we just needed a break. Its kind of funny, because I never would've thought that I could find the one I'm meant to be with when I was in second grade lol. But that's when we've met. We've been dating ever since we were 15, and now were both 21. Its been the best thing I've ever had in my life, and this summer I plan to pop the question.

The original poster stated the guy did give her a reason-he wants more time to himself. It sounds like he has some other issues going on, and that "free" time is more important to him (or maybe necessary). Like it or not, that is his reasoning and should probably be left at that.
I agree with 02bonne-does she want a "better" reason than what was given? As hard as it may be, she should move on.

I accept his reason. What I'm looking for is what made him feel that way. He initiated our dates on the weekends by calling to see when I would be home from out of town, asking to get together, etc. If he was feeling that he needed time to himself, why not just tell me that versus breaking things off completely? If I did something, I'd like to know so I won't make the same mistake twice.

Acheera, are you able to read my mind? You are speaking the same thoughts that are running through my mind. This is seriously almost weird.

Too funny! It's nice to know we're not alone, huh?

Acheera, I think that's just the way it goes when dating. If someone did something disgusting on a first date you were on, most likely you wouldn't call him back or give him an explanation. Granted this wasn't your first date with this guy, but I needed to make a point. He gave you a part of an answer because you were dating for two months. My point is that sometimes you won't get an answer and this is where self reflection becomes important. I'm afraid you'll have to figure this one out on your own.

I've had several relationships where we were either dating casually or had been going out for a short period of time, and things were going really well untill (poof) the whole thing evaporated with little or no explanation. It's really fustrating, but like Busy Bee said, every one has "issues" and you have no idea what his are, and at this point he probably isn't going to tell you.

Just as a little mental exercise, I always liked to assume that their "issue" was that they just discovered that they were gay. That gave them a legitimate excuse for breaking up with me, while heaping some emotional trauma on them while they had to come to terms with their sexuality. I'm sure it was never true, but made me feel better anyway!

Thanks for the laugh, Jaeger. I'm starting to feel better about the whole situation. I've realized that I need someone who will give me enough respect to act like an adult and communicate when there's an issue. You win some, you lose some, right?

Acheera,
Glad you're feeling better. Call one of those married-with-babies girlfriends of yours and see if you can't arrange a girls night out this weekend. Have a few drinks, laugh a lot, and in no time you'll be ready to dive back into the dating pool. Good luck!

Acheera, have you tried internet dating at all? I used to think it was creepy, and it still is to a certain extent. However, I tried it and met this gal on there and went out on one date with her and she was really cool. People can say whatever they want about internet dating, but this chick was FINE!!! My point is that maybe this may be a good way for you to meet someone normal. Also if they're on the site, you know they're looking for someone and would be less likely be as flaky as the last guy. There are some wierdos on those sites, but some good people are also. Plus meeting people on the internet is better than meeting people in bars....hands down!

02bonne i would have to agree, meeting people in bars or clubs is so not the way to go! so how long have you been with the woman that you met on the internet?