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#503494 - 03/03/06 07:27 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
1. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.

2. There are 2 times a man doesn't understand a woman, before marriage and after marriage.

3. A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

4. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife.

5. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

6. Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

7. Married man live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

8. If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.

9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anythinga man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

10. When a newly married couple smies, everyone know why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

11. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

12. What is the different between a marriage and a war?
A marriage is a war which the enemies can sleep together.

13. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

14. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

15. Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener. (this one is so true!!)

16. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence - a life sentence.

17. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

18. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

19. Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

20. A man said his credit card was stolen, but he decided not to report it because the theif was spending less than his wife did.

21. The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want me, sympathy?"

22. My wife submits and I obey. She always let me have her way.

23. Marriage is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

24. A happy marriage is giving and taking. The husband gives and the wife takes.

25. A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

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#503495 - 03/03/06 07:46 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
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Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?

A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

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#503496 - 03/03/06 08:50 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Miscuit Offline
10K Club
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,789
TX
Quote:

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain ?

A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde brain cells die?

A: Alone.

Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?

A: Pregnant.

Q: How do you brainwash a blonde?

A: Give her a douche and shake her upside down.

Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?

A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!

Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg?

A: Nothing. They've never met.

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?

A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?

A: After a dye job.

Q: Why did God create blondes?

A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears?

A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?

A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?

A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?

A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?

A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.




So X....are you blonde?

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#503497 - 03/03/06 08:57 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
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°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
No - but I like blonds! They are so easy!

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#503498 - 03/03/06 09:04 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

How Evil Are You?




***You Are 36% Evil***

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

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#503499 - 03/03/06 09:54 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Bimmer Offline
Diamond Poster
Bimmer
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"
_________________________
My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.

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#503500 - 03/03/06 09:57 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
Quote:

A man staggers into an emergency room with a concussion, multiple bruises, two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a pasture of cows. We went to look for them, and while I was rooting around, noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball with my wife's monogram on it-- stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt." "That's when I made my big mistake." "What did you do?" asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the cow's tail again and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!" "I don't remember much after that!"




ROFL... priceless... LOL.. I needed that laugh...
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

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#503501 - 03/03/06 10:12 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Miscuit Offline
10K Club
Miscuit
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,789
TX
Quote:

No - but I like blonds! They are so easy!




Ha! Well not being a blonde myself, I wouldn't know.

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#503502 - 03/03/06 10:14 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
Quote:

Quote:

No - but I like blonds! They are so easy!




Ha! Well not being a blonde myself, I wouldn't know.




I'm a natural blonde and I don't think we are easy... it's the bottle blondes that are easy...
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

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#503503 - 03/03/06 10:30 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
cheekEE Offline
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,594
Easy Street
***You Are 40% Evil***


A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

Look out world....here I come!!
_________________________
Some days good karma isn't worth the hassle.

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#503504 - 03/03/06 10:55 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
annie 732 Offline
Member
annie 732
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 97
PA
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

No - but I like blonds! They are so easy!




Ha! Well not being a blonde myself, I wouldn't know.




I'm a natural blonde and I don't think we are easy... it's the bottle blondes that are easy...




what happens if you're a little bit of both?
Last edited by annie 732; 03/03/06 11:07 PM.
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#503505 - 03/03/06 10:59 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

No - but I like blonds! They are so easy!




Ha! Well not being a blonde myself, I wouldn't know.




I'm a natural blonde and I don't think we are easy... it's the bottle blondes that are easy...




what happens if your a little bit of both?




hmmm... not sure... LOL... maybe 1/2 and 1/2... depending on your mood..
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

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#503506 - 03/03/06 10:59 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Dip Offline
Power Poster
Dip
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 6,298
San Diego, CA
Quote:

How Evil Are You?




60% evil... ...uh-oh.....
_________________________
Dabbling in banking, law, accounting...the life of a trustee.

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#503507 - 03/03/06 11:06 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Cowboys Fan Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 4,615
SC
Quote:

Quote:

How Evil Are You?




60% evil... ...uh-oh.....




LOL - see what happens when you're honest? Do it again but lie this time like the rest of us
_________________________

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#503508 - 03/03/06 11:10 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Anonymous
Unregistered

[quote60% evil... ...uh-oh.....




Don't sweat it, Dip. Once you control for the fact that you live in California, it's all good.

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#503509 - 03/03/06 11:18 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Spivol Offline
Power Poster
Spivol
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 3,050
Tulsa, Ok
I am going to do this at home...but I can guarantee that I am going to be pretty high up there.
For instance...today a coworker bought some cookies and not 10 seconds after she bought them I gave them away to some customers when she wasn't looking. It was so freaking funny. She turned back around and saw some guy walking off with them and she took off after him.
_________________________
It takes a long time but God dies too, but not before he'll stick it to you. - Issac Brock

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#503510 - 03/04/06 12:05 AM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
I'm 38 percent Evil....

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well.
In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

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#503511 - 03/04/06 02:32 AM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Miscuit Offline
10K Club
Miscuit
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,789
TX
Quote:

Quote:

Quote:

How Evil Are You?




60% evil... ...uh-oh.....




LOL - see what happens when you're honest? Do it again but lie this time like the rest of us





You are 58% evil.
You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Looks like I have a little ways to go!

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#503512 - 03/04/06 05:01 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
***You Are 60% Evil***

You are evil, but you haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - you are on your way to world domination.

Hmmm... all of us bordering aroung 60%, eh?
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#503513 - 03/04/06 05:14 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Anonymous
Unregistered

Equal time...........

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes-Invisible

Why do most brunette keep their figure?-no one else wants it.

What's it called when you take a brunette to lunch?-Brown bagging it.

How can you tell if the house is owned by a "Bottle Blonde"?-It's the one with the dark hedges.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Back to the blondes

Wadda ya call 10 blondes standing in a circle?
Dope ring

Wadda ya call 10 blondes in a walk-in freezer?
Frosted flakes

Wadda ya call ten blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
Wind tunnel

Wadda ya call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
Air pocket.

Why do blondes wear hooped ear-rings?
Gives them a place to rest their ankles

What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles.

Why do blondes put fur on the hem on their skirt?
To keep their ears warm

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You get to park in the handicap zone.

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them

What's the difference between a blonde & a brick?
When you lay a brick,it doesn't follow you around for two weeks

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None-they screw in cars.

How do you get a blonde up on the roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house.

Why are blondes like turtles?
Once you get them on their backs-they can't get up.

Why did the blonde show up at work with square boobs?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ears.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate cookies?
30.One to bake and 29 to peel the M&M's.

How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell when a second blonde has been using your computer?
There is writing on the white out.

How can you tell when a THIRD blonde has been using your computer?
There's cheese in front of the mouse.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Un-fertilized

What does a bleached blonde & a 747 have in common?
Black boxes

What's the difference between a blonde and a puppy?
The puppy stops whining when you let it in.

Why do blondes wear their hair in pony tails?
To hide the air valve.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put the mirror on the bottom of the pool

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the "W's"

Why do blondes like cars with "tilt-wheel"?
More head room

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Red means stop

How do you amuse a blonde?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Why don't blondes use [censored]'s?
They keep chipping their front teeth

How can you tell when a blonde is stressed?
When there is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

How do you measure a blondes I.Q.?
With a tire guage

Why did the blonde fail her driving test?
She couldn't reach the gas pedal from the back seat

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#503514 - 03/04/06 06:21 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Miscuit Offline
10K Club
Miscuit
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,789
TX
Quote:

Equal time...........

What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes-Invisible

Why do most brunette keep their figure?-no one else wants it.

What's it called when you take a brunette to lunch?-Brown bagging it.

How can you tell if the house is owned by a "Bottle Blonde"?-It's the one with the dark hedges.
__________________________________________________ _______________
Back to the blondes

Wadda ya call 10 blondes standing in a circle?
Dope ring

Wadda ya call 10 blondes in a walk-in freezer?
Frosted flakes

Wadda ya call ten blondes standing shoulder to shoulder?
Wind tunnel

Wadda ya call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
Air pocket.

Why do blondes wear hooped ear-rings?
Gives them a place to rest their ankles

What do blondes put behind their ears to attract men?
Their ankles.

Why do blondes put fur on the hem on their skirt?
To keep their ears warm

What's the advantage of being married to a blonde?
You get to park in the handicap zone.

Why don't blondes get coffee breaks?
It takes too long to retrain them

What's the difference between a blonde & a brick?
When you lay a brick,it doesn't follow you around for two weeks

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None-they screw in cars.

How do you get a blonde up on the roof?
Tell her drinks are on the house.

Why are blondes like turtles?
Once you get them on their backs-they can't get up.

Why did the blonde show up at work with square boobs?
She forgot to take the Kleenex out of the box.

How do you make a blondes eyes sparkle?
Shine a flashlight in her ears.

How many blondes does it take to make chocolate cookies?
30.One to bake and 29 to peel the M&M's.

How can you tell when a blonde has been using your computer?
There's white-out on the screen.

How can you tell when a second blonde has been using your computer?
There is writing on the white out.

How can you tell when a THIRD blonde has been using your computer?
There's cheese in front of the mouse.

How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
Un-fertilized

What does a bleached blonde & a 747 have in common?
Black boxes

What's the difference between a blonde and a puppy?
The puppy stops whining when you let it in.

Why do blondes wear their hair in pony tails?
To hide the air valve.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put the mirror on the bottom of the pool

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the "W's"

Why do blondes like cars with "tilt-wheel"?
More head room

Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
Red means stop

How do you amuse a blonde?
Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetize them.

Why don't blondes use [censored]'s?
They keep chipping their front teeth

How can you tell when a blonde is stressed?
When there is a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pencil

How do you measure a blondes I.Q.?
With a tire guage

Why did the blonde fail her driving test?
She couldn't reach the gas pedal from the back seat




Touche on the "equal time for brunettes" (although...I see you couldn't come up with NEAR as many for us)

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#503515 - 03/04/06 06:28 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
The Incredible ComplyGuy Offline
Power Poster
The Incredible ComplyGuy
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,350
The he11 of suburbia
***You Are 62% Evil***


You are very evil. And you're too evil to care.
Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot.

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#503516 - 03/07/06 02:37 AM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
*BUSTER* Offline
Power Poster
*BUSTER*
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,112
In hades.
You Are 86% Evil
You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!
_________________________
Gun nut who enjoys doughnuts!!!


I never finish anyth

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#503517 - 03/07/06 02:54 AM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Miscuit Offline
10K Club
Miscuit
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 18,789
TX
Quote:

You Are 86% Evil
You're the most evil person you know.
The devil is even a little scared of you!




Max! I would have never guessed!

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#503518 - 03/07/06 03:46 AM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
*BUSTER* Offline
Power Poster
*BUSTER*
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 5,112
In hades.
LOL, well I'm not that evil anymore, I just answered it as something I have done in my lifetime...
_________________________
Gun nut who enjoys doughnuts!!!


I never finish anyth

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