Skip to content
BOL Conferences
Learn More - Click Here!

Page 7 of 14 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 13 14
Thread Options
#503594 - 03/22/06 06:17 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
Loved the last one, X!
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
Chat! - BOL Watercooler
#503595 - 03/22/06 06:43 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Bimmer Offline
Diamond Poster
Bimmer
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
_________________________
My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.

Return to Top
#503596 - 03/22/06 06:48 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
*nUnZeO* Offline
Power Poster
*nUnZeO*
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 7,598
~*TEXAS*~
haven't spoken to him but i have spoken to people whose names are now "hello i'm Barbara,or Jill"
_________________________
"When you want some thing, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it"
Paulo Coelho

Return to Top
#503597 - 03/22/06 06:50 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Clown Boy Offline
Power Poster
Clown Boy
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,934
here and there

Quote:


8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the
country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while
intoxicated.




I feel a Bush joke coming on...
_________________________
I am the ringmaster of my domain!

Return to Top
#503598 - 03/22/06 06:55 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Thanks, Devil. By the way, have you looked closely at my current avatar?

Return to Top
#503599 - 03/22/06 06:56 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Bimmer Offline
Diamond Poster
Bimmer
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................

Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed.
Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.

THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----

The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a s*** about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay
_________________________
My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.

Return to Top
#503600 - 03/22/06 07:13 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Bimmer - those sound right on to me!

Return to Top
#503601 - 03/22/06 07:23 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
X, you are sauteeing me! OMG! I still like the straightjacket one best. It was so apropos.
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#503602 - 03/22/06 09:10 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day and the man
looks
over at his wife and says:
"Your butt is getting really big, I mean really big. I bet your butt is
bigger than the barbecue."
With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill and
then went over to where his wife was working and measured his wife's
bottom.

Yes, I was right, your butt is two inches wider than the barbecue!!!"
The woman chose to ignore her husband.
Later that night in bed, the husband is feeling frisky. He makes some
advances towards his wife who completely brushes him off.
What's wrong?" he asks.
She answers: "Do you really think I'm going to fire up this big-a$$
grill
for one little weenie?
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

Return to Top
#503603 - 03/23/06 06:25 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
This is the lesson for today (not funny - it's true!)

Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.



It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.



Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!



Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.



After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.



Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

You probably did not know the true history of this word.

Neither did I.

I had always thought it was a golf term.

Return to Top
#503604 - 03/23/06 08:11 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Sinatra Fan Offline
Power Poster
Sinatra Fan
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
It is a golf term: Stop Hitting Into Trees.
_________________________
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker

Return to Top
#503605 - 03/23/06 08:17 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Texas Boy Offline
Diamond Poster
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,717
My wife left me....And I don't understand
After the last child was born, she told me we had
to cut back on expenses

I had to give up drinking beer
I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 -pack on
weekends
Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day
when she came home from
grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for
makeup.
I said, " Wait a minute, I've given up beer and
you haven't given up
anything!!"
She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can
look pretty for you."
I told her, "[censored], that's what the beer was for!"
I don't think she'll be back.
_________________________
[i] Just keep Livin -Matthew McConaughey[i]

Return to Top
#503606 - 03/23/06 10:15 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
-A- Offline
Gold Star
-A-
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 466
the good ole south
YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2006 when...


1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of three.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that
they
don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if
anyone
is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the
screen

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the
first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you
turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

Return to Top
#503607 - 03/24/06 01:19 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Big Dog Offline
Power Poster
Big Dog
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,659
Kennel
So True!!!
_________________________
CAMS, AMLP, AKC, K-9






Return to Top
#503608 - 03/24/06 04:47 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people
often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:

You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him
and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy.
One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic
in bed."
That's Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his
telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in
bed."
That's Telemarketing.

You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him
and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his
tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the
way, I'm fantastic in bed."
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says,
"I hear you're fantastic in bed."
That's Brand Recognition.

You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk
him into going home with your friend.
That's a Sales Rep.

Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you.
That's Tech Support.

You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be
handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the
roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your
lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!"
That's Junk Mail.

You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your
breast and grabs your butt.
That's the Governor of California!

You like it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended.
That's America!

Return to Top
#503609 - 03/24/06 05:13 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
What's the WFTD?
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#503610 - 03/24/06 05:14 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Just Suzy Offline
Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 762
Mid-West
You can bet your butt it's not kerfuffle.

Return to Top
#503611 - 03/24/06 05:16 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Which sports car are you?

As for me:

You are a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

WooHoo!

Return to Top
#503612 - 03/24/06 05:19 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
You are a Ferrari 360 Modena!


You've got it all. Power, passion, precision, and style. You're sensuous, exotic, and temperamental. Sure, you're expensive and high-maintenance, but you're worth it.

Right on target!
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#503613 - 03/24/06 05:35 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
high-maintenance? Yes, that works for you - as I imagined!

Return to Top
#503614 - 03/24/06 05:37 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
The Incredible ComplyGuy Offline
Power Poster
The Incredible ComplyGuy
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,350
The he11 of suburbia
Quote:

Which sports car are you?

As for me:

You are a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

WooHoo!




Full of raging bull maybe...

Return to Top
#503615 - 03/24/06 05:38 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
Quote:

high-maintenance? Yes, that works for you - as I imagined!




If you only knew.
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#503616 - 03/24/06 05:55 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Quote:

Quote:

Which sports car are you?

As for me:

You are a Lamborghini Murcielago!

You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.

WooHoo!




Full of raging bull maybe...




Just curious, complygay - have you had a frontal lobotomy?

Return to Top
#503617 - 03/24/06 05:55 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
Retired DQ Offline
10K Club
Retired DQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
LOL, soon I'll have a bottleinfrontofme...
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#503618 - 03/24/06 06:09 PM Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
°X° Offline
Power Poster
°X°
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
Well, I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy, like complygay!

Return to Top
Page 7 of 14 1 2 5 6 7 8 9 13 14