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#503594 - 03/22/06 06:17 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Loved the last one, X!
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#503595 - 03/22/06 06:43 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
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Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready." The manager said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. No doubt you have spoken to him.
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My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
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#503596 - 03/22/06 06:48 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 7,598
~*TEXAS*~
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haven't spoken to him but i have spoken to people whose names are now "hello i'm Barbara,or Jill"
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"When you want some thing, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it" Paulo Coelho
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#503599 - 03/22/06 06:56 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
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Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants. Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel) Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles. Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue. Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk... and naked. Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.
THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a s*** about anything but getting laid.
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay
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My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
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#503601 - 03/22/06 07:23 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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X, you are sauteeing me! OMG! I still like the straightjacket one best. It was so apropos.
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#503603 - 03/23/06 06:25 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
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This is the lesson for today (not funny - it's true!)
Manure: In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship and it was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening.
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport) which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.
You probably did not know the true history of this word.
Neither did I.
I had always thought it was a golf term.
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#503604 - 03/23/06 08:11 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
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It is a golf term: Stop Hitting Into Trees.
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Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker
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#503605 - 03/23/06 08:17 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 1,717
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My wife left me....And I don't understand After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses
I had to give up drinking beer I was not a big drinker, maybe a 12 -pack on weekends Anyway, I gave it up but I noticed the other day when she came home from grocery shopping, the receipt included $45 for makeup. I said, " Wait a minute, I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!!" She said, "I buy that makeup for you, so I can look pretty for you." I told her, "[censored], that's what the beer was for!" I don't think she'll be back.
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[i] Just keep Livin -Matthew McConaughey[i]
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#503607 - 03/24/06 01:19 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,659
Kennel
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So True!!!
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CAMS, AMLP, AKC, K-9
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#503608 - 03/24/06 04:47 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
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The buzzword in today's business world is MARKETING. However, people often ask for a simple explanation of "Marketing." Well, here it is:
You're a woman and you see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, "I'm fantastic in bed." That's Direct Marketing.
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, "She's fantastic in bed." That's Advertising.
You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Telemarketing.
You see a guy at a party, you straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, "May I?" and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed." That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, "I hear you're fantastic in bed." That's Brand Recognition.
You're at a party and see a handsome guy. He fancies you, but you talk him into going home with your friend. That's a Sales Rep.
Your friend can't satisfy him so he calls you. That's Tech Support.
You're on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all these houses you're passing. So you climb onto the roof of one situated towards the center and shout at the top of your lungs, "I'm fantastic in bed!" That's Junk Mail.
You are at a party, this well-built man walks up to you and gropes your breast and grabs your butt. That's the Governor of California!
You like it, but 20 years later your attorney decides you were offended. That's America!
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#503609 - 03/24/06 05:13 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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What's the WFTD?
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#503610 - 03/24/06 05:14 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 762
Mid-West
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You can bet your butt it's not kerfuffle.
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#503611 - 03/24/06 05:16 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
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Which sports car are you? As for me: You are a Lamborghini Murcielago! You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull. WooHoo!
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#503612 - 03/24/06 05:19 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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You are a Ferrari 360 Modena! You've got it all. Power, passion, precision, and style. You're sensuous, exotic, and temperamental. Sure, you're expensive and high-maintenance, but you're worth it. Right on target!
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#503614 - 03/24/06 05:37 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,350
The he11 of suburbia
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Quote:
Which sports car are you?
As for me:
You are a Lamborghini Murcielago!
You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.
WooHoo!
Full of raging bull maybe...
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#503616 - 03/24/06 05:55 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 7,332
WOOHOO
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Quote:
Quote:
Which sports car are you?
As for me:
You are a Lamborghini Murcielago!
You're not subtle, but you don't want to be. Fast, loud, and dramatic, you want people to notice you, and then get out of the way. In a world full of sheep, you're a raging bull.
WooHoo!
Full of raging bull maybe...
Just curious, complygay - have you had a frontal lobotomy?
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#503617 - 03/24/06 05:55 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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LOL, soon I'll have a bottleinfrontofme...
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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