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#503669 - 04/21/06 03:45 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
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On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you 'betcha, there IS a moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"
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#503670 - 04/21/06 04:30 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
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Quote:
On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom loved to play together.
One day the two were playing, when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink.
Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the chicken to go get the farmer for help!
Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the farm, he searched and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he had gone to town with the only tractor.
Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new Harley.
Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off with a length of rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's life.
Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy, to see the chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to get a hold of the loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.
After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the farmer's bike, the chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of the powerful bike,rescued the horse!
Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to the farmhouse, and the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.
The friendship between the two animals was cemented: Best Buddies, Best Pals.
A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit, and soon, he too, began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his life!
The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled the large puddle.
Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his hangy-down thing and he would then lift him out of the pit.
The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulled him up and out, saving his life.
The moral of the story? (yep, you 'betcha, there IS a moral!)
"When You're Hung Like A Horse, You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! 
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#503671 - 04/21/06 04:50 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.
The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.
The man was impressed.
The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As
she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has
spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.
Again, the man is impressed.
The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.
Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.
Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.
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#503672 - 04/21/06 04:58 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life."
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"
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#503673 - 04/21/06 05:41 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Four women were driving across the country. Each one was from a different place: Idaho, Nebraska, Texas and Mexico.
Shortly after the trip began, the woman from Idaho started pulling potatoes from her bag and throwing them out of the window.
"What the heck are you doing?" demanded the Nebraskan.
"We have so many of these damn things in Idaho, I am just sick of looking at them!"
A moment later, the gal from Nebraska began pulling ears of corn from her bag and tossing them from the window.
"What are you doing that for?" asked the gal from Texas.
"We have so many of these things in Nebraska, I am just sick of looking at them!"
Inspired, the gal from Texas opened the car door and pushed the Mexican out.
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#503674 - 04/21/06 05:45 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Not a joke, just the way it should be:
The Good Wife's Guide
Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
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#503675 - 04/21/06 05:48 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Quote:
Not a joke, just the way it should be:
The Good Wife's Guide
Housekeeping Monthly - May 13, 1955
Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh-looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives. Run a dust cloth over the tables.
Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
Minimize all noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Encourage the children to be quiet.
Be happy to see him.
Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
Your goal: To try and make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
A good wife always knows her place.
And this is why women went into the workplace... 
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#503676 - 04/21/06 05:55 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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He said . . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear pants don't you?
He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa.
He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror!
On a wall in a ladies room . .. "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it . .. . " I do not"
Q.How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A.Both of them.
Q.How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A.He buys two cases of beer.
Q.What is the difference between men and government bonds? A.The bonds mature.
Q..Why are blonde jokes so short? A.So men can remember them.
Q.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A.We don't know; it has never happened.
Q.What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
A.. A widow.
Q.Why are married women heavier than single women? A.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.
Q.What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A.They're married.
Man says to God: "God, why did you make woman so beautiful?" God says: "So you would love her." But God," the man says, "why did you make her so dumb?" God says: "So she would love you."
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#503677 - 04/21/06 06:19 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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From the corporate and Silicon Valley jungles.
"batmobiling" putting up emotional shields from the retracting armor that covers the batmobile as in "she started talking marriage and he started batmobiling"
"betamaxed" when a technology is overtaken in the market by inferior but better marketed competition as in "Microsoft betamaxed Apple right out of the market"
"blowing your buffer" losing your train of thought
"cobweb" a WWW site that never changes
"elvis year" the peak year of popularity as in "1993 was Barney the dinosaur's elvis year"
"generica" fast food joints, strip malls, sub-divisions as in "we were so lost in generica that I couldn't remember what city it was"
"going postal" totally stressed out and losing it like postal employees who went on shooting rampages
"high dome" egghead, scientist, PhD
"irritainment" annoying but you can't stop watching i.e; the O.J. trial
"meatspace" the physical world (as opposed to the virtual) also "carbon community" "facetime" "F2F" "RL"
"percussive maintenance" the fine art of whacking a device to get it working
"prairie dogging" in companies where everyone has a cubicle something happens and everyone pops up to look
"salmon day" swimming upstream all day to get screwed in the end
"siliwood" the coming convergence of movies, interactive TV and computers also "hollywired"
"square headed girlfriend" (boyfriend) computer
"treeware" manuals and documentation
"umfriend" sexual relationship "this is Dale, my...um...friend"
"world wide wait" WWW
"yuppie food coupons" twenty dollar bills from an ATM
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#503678 - 04/21/06 10:24 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,494
MI
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Okay, figure this one out...and YES it can be done! Apparently this is an IQ test given to job applicants in Japan: "Everybody has to cross the river". READ RULES BELOW FIRST!!! Use the rules below (unless you can read Japanese….) RULES: Only 2 persons on the raft at a time The father can not stay with any of the daughters, without their mother's presence The mother can not stay with any of the sons, without their father's presence The thief (striped shirt) cannot stay with any family member, if the Policeman is not there. Only the Father, the Mother and the Policeman know how to operate the raft. To start click on the big blue circle on the right. To move the people click on them. To move the raft click on the pole on the opposite side of the river. To start: Click on link, and then click on the big blue circle. http://freeweb.siol.net/danej/riverIQGame.swf
_________________________
Opinions are mine and never to be taken as legal advice!
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#503680 - 04/21/06 11:07 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,494
MI
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Smarty pants!
_________________________
Opinions are mine and never to be taken as legal advice!
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#503684 - 04/24/06 02:32 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 2,261
Between Here and There
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Quote:
I can't strart working until I figure this out...I have mom, dad and 3 kids across and I guess I'm stuck.
Move back one of the kids to start (the one that is alone), then move the convict and cop to the other side and send the one parent back to the start, both parents go to other side, one parent goes back to start to pick up one of the two kids, convict and cop go back to start, cop and last kid go to the other side and cop returns to start for convict.
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#503685 - 04/26/06 01:05 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Here's one for all the baseball fans....or anyone who hates penguins...lol how far can YOU hit it??http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf copy it into your browser and start swinging away
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#503686 - 04/26/06 01:29 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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#503687 - 04/26/06 01:53 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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#503688 - 04/26/06 02:46 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 2,121
Wherever the plane lands
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A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down
to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity
on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to
Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my
ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,
"I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That
night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a
piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by
the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
"He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!"
_________________________
My silence doesn't mean that I agree with you. It's just that your level of ignorance has rendered me speechless.
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#503689 - 04/26/06 02:49 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,950
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Quote:
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down
to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity
on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to
Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my
ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added,
"I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded 'yes.' After all, what did she have to lose? That
night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a life-boat.
From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a
piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by
the captain.
"What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained.
"He's taking me to Europe, and he's screwing me."
"He sure is, lady... This is the Staten Island Ferry!"
LOL! 
_________________________
“Where words fail, music speaks.” - Hans Christian Andersen
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#503690 - 04/26/06 03:00 PM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney.
The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.
"But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy 4 drinks he will buy the5th drink for you."
"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman there will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."
"Ahhh that's nothin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's Ryan's Bar. Now the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another, all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough drink they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."
The Englishman and Scotsman immediately pour scorn on the Irishman's claims.
He swears every word is true.
"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"
"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman, "But it did happen to my sister."
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#503693 - 04/28/06 08:01 AM
Re: Jokes/Games for BOL Slackers
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Mrs. Ogden (age 55) went to her doctor and said "Please give me a prescription for the Pill."
Doctor: "I don't think you need the Pill at your age."
Mrs O: "It relaxes me."
"But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for relaxing," exclaimed the physician.
"I know," said Mrs Ogden, "but my daughter has been dating, and every morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel more relaxed."
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