Learn More - Click Here!

Page 2 of 3 1 2 3
Thread Options
#567319 - 06/14/06 07:42 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

I am 39 and had my first child at 35. I always wanted children, but waited to have them with the right person. There was a point in my life when I thought I wouldn't have kids at all, not because I didn't want to, but due to other circumstances. Happily, that all changed. As some have said, it is a personal decision, and if you don't want to be a parent, you shouldn't be one. That simple. But I have to say for myself, I wouldn't change having a child for anything in the world. There are a lot of ups and downs, but having that little one hug you and say "I love you, mom" is THE BEST thing in the world to me.

Return to Top
Chat! - BOL Watercooler
#567320 - 06/14/06 07:44 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

I hear ya TG! The gal here was trying to "enlighten" me on much more money I would have, and how much more freedom I'd have if I had no kids. I very politely told her that you couldn't pay me enough money to NOT have my kids. They are every ounce of me (and hubby) and even though times can be tough I wouldn't trade the experience for any amount of freedom or money!




It is probably best that she does not have children. Her focus is on herself, and a child would just be in the way.

Return to Top
#567321 - 06/14/06 07:46 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

While everyone is different about what they want out of life, don't let the fact that you enjoy going out with friends, or having your own peace and quiet keep you from having kids. Cause you know what? One day, all your friends are going to have kids and won't be going out any more. You will soon get to the age where you are staying home on weekends at night alone!! Besides, watching my boys grow up and play sports, go to college, get married, have kids, etc. is something should be exciting for any parent. When you get old and look back at your life, what will your legacy be? What will make you the most proud? What will make you smile? Will it be that you saved a ton of money and went out every Friday to Happy Hour and every Saturday to the Club? Will it be that you were able to sleep in on weekends? Will it be that you drove a BMW?
Or will it be that you had the ability to create a new life with your own child and were able to properly raise him/her and watch them grow up to carry on the family name etc. To give your son/daughter all they need to try and have a life even better than you had.
When I am elderly, I will be proud to say that I chose the later..




I'm thrilled for you - you are the type of person who should be a parent. But I have to be honest - some of this felt a little judgmental and and presumptive to me. I don't go out to Happy Hour or clubs (don't even drink) and just because I don't have kids I don't expect my legacy to be related to my car or house. I'd like to think I am making an impact on my family, friends, church, places I volunteer, etc. And saying that all my friends will one day have kids feels something akin to "everybody's doing it - so should you." If I have misinterpreted the comments I am really sorry. But I just did not feel that it accurately portrayed my life. I still hang out with my "kid friends" and if I don't my wife and I go out or stay home together - we enjoy each other's company enough that we don't feel like we are missing out. By not having kids I don't think that my life will be characterized by lonely solitary nights that ends with strangers having to dispose of my legacy of a home and car (probably a Legacy ). I sincerely wish there were more people like you because Lord knows I have seen enough bad parents. Your children are lucky to have you and one day they will be old enough to comprehend that so keep it up! But please don't worry about me.

Return to Top
#567322 - 06/14/06 07:48 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Carly Girl Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,773
TEXAS
There is more to life than just having money. Geez, its only paper with green ink on it and some dead guys picture. I can get my son to draw on paper with a green marker and have all the fake money he wants to make me and it will mean more to me than all the real money in the world.
_________________________

Return to Top
#567323 - 06/14/06 07:52 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

I am 33 and have 3 boys, ages 5, 2, and 3 months. Even though I spend a small fortune on daycare, food, clothes, etc., and even though my house is like a 3 ring circus, and even though my wife and I don't go out much at all anymore, and even though I change alot of stinky diapers, and even though the money I spend on them could afford me a nice BMW and bigger house, and even though I don't sleep as much anymore, and even though I have to start worrying about saving for college..............................................................I wouldn't give it up for anything. My kids bring out the best in me, and they are what keeps me going. Not sure how old your co-worker is, but she sounds immature and shouldn't be having kids anyway.




Just because some people are not interested in having kids do NOT mean they are immature. I think it is good that they realize they are not ready (or have no desire) to have kids. Then they can take the necessary precautions.

Return to Top
#567324 - 06/14/06 07:57 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

Quote:

The first responder who drew out why he doesn't want kids, is being honest, and that is fine. I can tell you this. Even after getting married at age 25, I wasn't sure I wanted kids. the money, the headache, etc. I enjoyed still going out with friends, having much more disposable income, etc.
I now have 3 boys. As a result, I don't go out on weekends much as they are very young. But I can tell you this. They are my life. There is no more powerful feeling than when your 2 year old runs up and hugs you when you come home from work. Or when your 5 year old yells out "i love you" as you are about to close the door after putting him to bed. Or when you watch your 5 year old get so excited because he hit the ball in t-ball.
While everyone is different about what they want out of life, don't let the fact that you enjoy going out with friends, or having your own peace and quiet keep you from having kids. Cause you know what? One day, all your friends are going to have kids and won't be going out any more. You will soon get to the age where you are staying home on weekends at night alone!! Besides, watching my boys grow up and play sports, go to college, get married, have kids, etc. is something should be exciting for any parent. When you get old and look back at your life, what will your legacy be? What will make you the most proud? What will make you smile? Will it be that you saved a ton of money and went out every Friday to Happy Hour and every Saturday to the Club? Will it be that you were able to sleep in on weekends? Will it be that you drove a BMW?
Or will it be that you had the ability to create a new life with your own child and were able to properly raise him/her and watch them grow up to carry on the family name etc. To give your son/daughter all they need to try and have a life even better than you had.
When I am elderly, I will be proud to say that I chose the later..




This is very harsh and somewhat offensive. I'm "proud" I have not had kids as I still am one. When I am old and gray I will still have plenty of family and plenty of memories...just no of my own kids. That's FINE WITH ME!!!

Return to Top
#567325 - 06/14/06 07:58 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
MadisonCali Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,515
I've been married for 6 years, and we have also decided not to have children. I think that possibly it stems from us both being only children. We're both probably a little too selfish and used to having our own way...and with kids, you have to be more patient and compromising. That is definitely neither of our strong suits
Also, I just have never had that 'motherly' feeling that most women seem to have. I really don't desire to hold my friend's new babies when I meet them for the first time. I don't 'goo' and 'ga' over the cuteness that is, apparently, every newborn. It's not like I'm not friendly enough, I just would choose to be doing something else.
People tell me that eventually my biological clock will kick in (especially my mother and mother in law ), and that if you have your own it makes everything different, but I guess I'm just afraid to take that chance.

I really do wish, some days, that I did have that 'motherly' feeling, though. It seems like the whole parenting experience is unbelievably rewarding!
_________________________
The beatings will continue until morale improves...

Return to Top
#567326 - 06/14/06 08:02 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
califgirl Offline
Diamond Poster
califgirl
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,355
The O.C., California
Never wanted any, never had any.

I have dogs - I can put them in the backyard when I go to work, I don't have to send them to college, and they're fixed, so they're not gonna come home and tell me they're pregnant!

_________________________
I can explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

Return to Top
#567327 - 06/14/06 08:04 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
tahdah Offline
Platinum Poster
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 932
I worked with a young lady that was adament -no kids-. Both her and hubby. They divorced, she got her tubes tied (against the advice of her dr. and everyone), remarried, wanted kids, had tubes untied. Don't know the end of her story but alot of people change their mind. Had another friend, 2 kids while very young, divorced, tubes tied in her 30's, remarried, untied and had twins. Many people change their mind as they get older, there are many other similar stories I could tell. But the bottom line is, it's ok to not want to have them and it ok to want them. I won't sit in judgement, but I can't imagine my life without a child.

Return to Top
#567328 - 06/14/06 08:10 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
DeeQ Offline
10K Club
DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,762
Turnpike Exit 10
I never wanted any, but somehow, I had a skiing accident... But, I am really glad to have my little guy!
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#567329 - 06/14/06 08:11 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Nanwa Offline
Power Poster
Nanwa
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,564
Clintonville, WI, USA
You know, there is no guarantee when you are old and gray, that the kids will still come home to visit. We live much more spread out than previous generations, and it is not ususual for the kids (or the elderly parents) to move states away. Many kids don't want the responsibility of taking care of an elderly or ill parent either.

I have a friend who always told me, "Oh you'll love them when you have them". I used to say "What if I don't? Can I put them back?"

I really wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth, just to "experience" it, but never wanted the "parent" job.
_________________________
Member of the National Sarcasm Society - like we need your support!

Return to Top
#567330 - 06/14/06 08:13 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Beige Offline
Power Poster
Beige
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,950
Quote:

I never wanted any, but somehow, I had a skiing accident... But, I am really glad to have my little guy!




LOL!!! Did you fall on your pole??
_________________________
“Where words fail, music speaks.” - Hans Christian Andersen

Return to Top
#567331 - 06/14/06 08:14 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
DeeQ Offline
10K Club
DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,762
Turnpike Exit 10
Quote:

Quote:

I never wanted any, but somehow, I had a skiing accident... But, I am really glad to have my little guy!




LOL!!! Did you fall on your pole??




Actually, it was my husband's pole...
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

Return to Top
#567332 - 06/14/06 08:21 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
MyKidsMom Offline
Platinum Poster
MyKidsMom
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 636
TEXAS
I'm thankful for all the people who don't want kids and don't. I wish more people put that kind of serious thought into having children. There would certainly be fewer kids in distress.

I never really liked kids. I absolutely HATED babysitting. Saw all kids as brats. I could tolerate for short periods of time but I was always glad when they were gone. After I got married we both traveled a lot and never talked much about kids because we knew we couldn't when neither parent would be home. Then I stopped traveling and bam....I'm pregnant at 32. I cannot begin to tell you how FULL my life is now and there wasn't anything wrong with my life before. I had two more after that...Comparing liking other people's kids and babsitting to being a Mom is not a reasonable comparison. I'm thankful that I wasn't always in control of the choice to have kids or not...it happened despite our best efforts and thank GOD it did. We don't have any money, house is a wreck, rarely have a night out alone, but I have 3 happy kids and I think that is an awesome trade...Fits me but I don't care to babysit yours.... LOL

Return to Top
#567333 - 06/14/06 08:21 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Mrs. Rizzo Offline
10K Club
Mrs. Rizzo
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,392
Curled up by the fire...
I don't have any children and at this moment I don't want any. All of my friends have children and they are lots of fun but I don't see myself ever having them. A few years back I got pregnant (Surprise ) and miscarried and ever since then I'm just not interested. On top of that incident, I hang out with my friends and see what their lives are like with children. They seem to love it and I admire them for all the hardwork but it makes me feel like I would not be a good mother.
_________________________
Take responsibility for your life.

Return to Top
#567334 - 06/14/06 10:50 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
CRAatBOK Offline

Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,172
Further South than I wanna be.
Quote:

You know, there is no guarantee when you are old and gray, that the kids will still come home to visit. We live much more spread out than previous generations, and it is not ususual for the kids (or the elderly parents) to move states away. Many kids don't want the responsibility of taking care of an elderly or ill parent either.

I have a friend who always told me, "Oh you'll love them when you have them". I used to say "What if I don't? Can I put them back?"

I really wanted to experience pregnancy and childbirth, just to "experience" it, but never wanted the "parent" job.




There is nothing worse than seeing parents with children they don't want or love. That is not to say they won't do their "parental obligations" but they don't nurture and love the child. As a result, the kids grow up feeling unloved and have problems showing love.

People that don't really want them shouldn't have kids.
_________________________
Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

Return to Top
#567335 - 06/15/06 12:06 AM Re: Kids....no kids?
Search_Me Offline
Power Poster
Search_Me
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 8,433
In my Strappy Heeled Sandals!
No children right now... not opposed to having children... just as long as it's with the right person.

Max for me will be 3 ... and then only if the 1st pregnancy goes smoothly (no health issues, etc) will we talk about adding to the family. And if God sees fit for me to have twins or triplets... PLEASE let those be the first time around.. not like my friend who had 3 and then got prego a fourth time with twins.

In the event we can't conceive our own children we'll discuss adoption.

But I see nothing wrong with people who know they don't want children... not having them. Nothing is worse than a bunch of children being brought up by parents who don't really have the time or desire to raise them right. Or worse parents who totally neglect them and forget they had children.

Lyndsey, same thing happened to my friend. She got pregnant.. miscarried.. and got turned off to the idea of pregnancy and children. Her relationship was rocky at the time which I think is what caused her to fight the idea of having children even more. Needless to say that relationship is now over and she's nearly 8 months pregnant and she seems to have gotten over.. "I'll never have children"... "eew.. sick you're touching her belly and talking to it".. "don't touch my belly" etc. Sometimes God knows what's best for us when we don't understand everything. For her I believe it was meant to be that she didn't have a child with her ex as it would have only added stress to their already mess of a marriage. So if ya still desire children… don’t give up hope.

Well that's my .02 cents.
_________________________
She who dies with the most shoes WINS! grin

Return to Top
#567336 - 06/15/06 08:05 AM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

No kids, no desire to have any. Its not that I don't like them or anything, I just don't have any desire and I never have. Like a previous poster, I don't get excited about newborns (honestly, I have no idea of what to do with them- they baffle me). I don't think I'm selfish and I'm not motivated by having more disposable income. I just have absolutely no interest in having a child. It is frustrating, though to have friends, Dr.'s, family, etc. who don't understand this. I've had more than a few unpleasant comments directed my way and I had to fight with my doctor about my choice of birth control (IUD that lasts for 5yrs, I'm thirty and apparently should be thinking about having children and not preventing them. I have a new doctor now.) I am completely open to the possibility of changing my mind, but I'm content with my life as is for now.

Return to Top
#567337 - 06/15/06 12:22 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

I don't have children. Always thought I would when I was older but haven't. I am considering adopting/foster parenting an older child. Has anyone out there done this? I am looking for some "real world" advice, experiences so I can make an informed decision. I have been reading a lot of articles, etc. Going to talk with a DHS worker in a week or so. Still trying to decide if I'm good for the job and the job is good for me. Any and all information will be much appreciated.
Thanks.

Return to Top
#567338 - 06/15/06 12:38 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
pjs Offline
10K Club
pjs
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 10,319
oHiO
I don't see anything wrong with the people who do not want kids and choose not to have any.

I have been blessed with a son and daughter. There is 11 1/2 years between them so--I didn't plan it that way and if it had been up to me I would have had them closer together. We have had our ups and downs (who hasn't) but I am thankful for the bond my kids do have with each other.
I also have a grandchild who has brought alot of happiness into our lives.

My one sister who has never had kids and who is going through a really rough and horrible nightmare right now confided in me a few months ago that her dream of having children and grandchildren had been taken away from her. We always just thought that her and her husband did not want kids. It was like someone punched me in the stomach when she told me that-all I wanted to do was take her husband and beat the crap out of him. Anyhow that doesn't solve anything, plus he isn't worth it. I've been blessed and I am thankful for my kids and I wish it could have been different for my sister. She has all the nieces and nephews that adore her but like she said --I'll never be called grandma.

Return to Top
#567339 - 06/15/06 12:47 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
waldensouth Offline
Power Poster
waldensouth
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,979
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
Anon, try reading this thread about your fellow BOLers adoption experiences.
_________________________
"Once you learn to read, you will be forever free."

- Frederick Douglass




My Opinion Only.

Return to Top
#567340 - 06/15/06 01:25 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Anonymous
Unregistered

I am going to adopt a 6 ft tall 18 year old Swedish Blonde girl. they need love too.

Return to Top
#567341 - 06/15/06 01:25 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
The Incredible ComplyGuy Offline
Power Poster
The Incredible ComplyGuy
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,350
The he11 of suburbia
Kids would be your biggest and most important responsibility in life. The worst thing you could do is have kids because it's expected of you, because it's the "right thing to do," or because of carelessness. Having a child should always be because both parents WANT the child, and have thought through what that means for the rest of their lives. That is only fair to the child and to the parents.

Return to Top
#567342 - 06/15/06 04:08 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
Nanwa Offline
Power Poster
Nanwa
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,564
Clintonville, WI, USA
Too bad you don't have to have a license or permit or something like that to have kids. It seems the people who are the worst parents have the most kids. In many of those cases, the eldest child ends up raising the youngest.
_________________________
Member of the National Sarcasm Society - like we need your support!

Return to Top
#567343 - 06/15/06 04:19 PM Re: Kids....no kids?
califgirl Offline
Diamond Poster
califgirl
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,355
The O.C., California
I wonder if there's anyone here who would admit to having children and regretting it?
_________________________
I can explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

Return to Top
Page 2 of 3 1 2 3