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#570994 - 06/21/06 03:44 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 2,659
Kennel
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A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?"
The father answers: "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!
Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.
We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:
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You got Male!
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CAMS, AMLP, AKC, K-9
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#570998 - 06/21/06 04:05 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,778
TEXAS
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I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, Would that get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered. "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun! "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" I was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old boy shouted out,"YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."  
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#570999 - 06/21/06 05:24 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,635
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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A duck walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender said "that will be $5." The duick says "put it on my bill."
A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says "hey, why the long face?"
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#571000 - 06/21/06 05:32 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,950
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A guy walk into a bar and says......"OUCH!!! That really hurt...stupid bar!!!"
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“Where words fail, music speaks.” - Hans Christian Andersen
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#571001 - 06/21/06 05:36 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?" Suzy
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#571002 - 06/21/06 09:03 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,355
The O.C., California
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Celine Dion walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
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I can explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.
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#571003 - 06/21/06 09:15 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,896
R.I.P. Chief Illiniwek
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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and say, "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"
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We're doing oil changes. Oil changes for EVERYONE!!
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#571004 - 06/21/06 09:41 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,172
Further South than I wanna be.
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When I was married 25 years, I took a look at my wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago, we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10 inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25 year- old blonde.
Now, we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50 year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."
Well, my wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 25 year-old blonde and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car and sleeping on a sofa bed.
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Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
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#571005 - 06/21/06 10:37 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,494
MI
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Two ants were walking across a box. All of a sudden, one of them raced from one side to the other. When the other ant finally arrived there, he asked, "What the heck were you doing?" To which the first ant replied, "Didn't you see the sign? It said "Tear across dotted line!"
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Opinions are mine and never to be taken as legal advice!
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#571007 - 06/21/06 11:24 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 6,172
Further South than I wanna be.
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A MAN WALKS INTO A PSYCHIATRIST'S OFFICE WEARING ONLY UNDERWEAR MADE OF SARAN WRAP.
THE PSYCHIATRIST SAYS, “WELL . . . . . . . . . . I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS."
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Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.
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#571009 - 06/22/06 01:30 AM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 7,350
The he11 of suburbia
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Quote:
Quote:
Two ants were walking across a box. All of a sudden, one of them raced from one side to the other. When the other ant finally arrived there, he asked, "What the heck were you doing?" To which the first ant replied, "Didn't you see the sign? It said "Tear across dotted line!"
i dont knwo why, but this one was really funny to me...kinda reminds me of what my pets might say if they could talk
Your pet ants??
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#571010 - 06/22/06 07:38 AM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,139
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Quote:
Your pet ants??
.
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#571011 - 06/23/06 01:53 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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10K Club
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 47,098
Bloomington, IN
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The TGIF thread made me think of this one:
There was an attractive blond on the elevator when an attractive man got on. They went up a couple of floors and the man didn't say anything so the blond thought she would initiate a conversation. She said to the man:
T G I F
The man turned and looked at her and said:
S H I T
The blond was taken aback a little but thought maybe the man didn't understand, so she repeated:
T G I F
The Man once again replied:
S H I T
Well the blond was insulted:
She asked the man if he didn't understand that TGIF stood for Thank God It's Friday.
The man replied:
Sorry Honey It's Thursday
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The opinions expressed are mine and they are not to be taken as legal advice.
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#571012 - 06/23/06 05:29 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,950
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A blonde walks into a pharmacy and asks the assistant for some rectum deodorant. The pharmacist, a little bemused, explains to the woman they don't sell rectum deodorant, and never have. Unfazed, the blonde assures the pharmacist that she has been buying the stuff from this store on a regular basis, and would like some more.
"I'm sorry", says the pharmacist, "we don't have any."
"But I always get it here," says the blonde.
"Do you have the container it comes in?" asks the pharmacist.
"YES!", said the blonde, "I'll go home and get it."
She returns with the container and hands it to the pharmacist who looks at it and says to her "This is just a normal stick of underarm deodorant."
Annoyed, the blonde snatches the container back and reads out loud from the container... "TO APPLY, PUSH UP BOTTOM!"
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“Where words fail, music speaks.” - Hans Christian Andersen
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#571015 - 06/23/06 05:35 PM
Re: Hello - any humor out there?
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Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,990
Cincinnati, OH
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Quote:
Quote:
OH MY GOODNESS, that is sooooo bad sunshine!
but did it make you giggle???
Nope, it made me discover that smelling my iced coffee from the inside out and snarfing it all over was messy...
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Thank you kindly...
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