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#580227 - 07/07/06 01:23 AM Today's rules for campground campers
Anonymous
Unregistered

These, apparently, are the rules for campers in State campgrounds these days. Pay attention!

1) NEVER take your garbage with you. Clearly, that's what fire rings are for, so campers are encouraged to mound all their refuse up in there.

2) ...except for cigarette butts. Throw those on the ground. In fact, bring an extra couple packs specifically for the purpose of throwing on the ground, whether you smoke them or not. And although a multitude of cigarette butts is desirable, a mound is not, as mounds are easier to pick up. Be generous, but be sure to spread them around.

3) It doesn't really matter if you burn your garbage in the aforementioned fire ring (see rule 1) or just leave it piled 8 feet high. The deer and racoons will eat your stale bread and rotting salad dressing, and the next person to come use the campsite will be eager to use your plastic bags and spent aerosol cans to start their own fire. See, its kind of like recycling! Go nature!

4) When disposing of an empty glass beverage container, NEVER simply cast it aside. ALWAYS be sure to smash it before leaving. A cement surface, ordinary rock, or even the side of the fire ring can be utilized to serve this purpose.

5) Alcoholic beverages are welcome in the campgrounds, but when drinking from cans, NEVER drink more than 2/3 of the beverage per container before throwing your can and the rest of the beverage into the woods. Make sure the can lands so that the remaining beverage will NOT drain until picked up.

6) Should the camper decide to remove garbage from the campsite, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should the dumpster be used as a trash recepticle. The dumpster is for purposes of collecting stagnant rain water ONLY.

7) For your convience, toilet paper has been provided in every toilet facility on the grounds. Campers are encouraged to freely strew this gratuity all willy-nilly about the bathroom facility both in copious yet frilly piles and in mysteriously wet mounds. Where does the wetness come from in a pit toilet without plumbing? Who cares! Just rest assured that it WILL attain wetness before retrieval.

8) You are on vacation, so campers are encouraged to leave the seat up. Disregard the rancid stench that permeates the perimeter of the toilet facility that results from leaving the seat up. After all, you don't live here!

9) Disregard rule 8 for purposes of actually using the toilet facility. Before making a deposit of any kind the seat should be lowered, and raised once again after the transaction is complete. How can you possibly hit the seat with anything if its up?

10) In the days before entering the campground, make sure to consume plenty of fibrous foods to get your regularity up, as well as eat lots of fatty foods to increase fluidity. When making a deposit in the toilet facilities, don't be afraid to be forceful. If it isn't splattering against the inside wall of the toilet, you aren't being forceful enough!

11) Please refrain from dumping diapers down inside the pit toilets, as these types of things clog the apparatus used for cleaning the vaults. Instead, feel free to just drop off a pile of the little packages on the toilet floor, and one of our technicians will be by shortly to pick up your deposit and contract the clap from your little AIDS baby and his fecal matter.

12) Don't worry if you've forgotten to bring firewood. All our tables and site markers are made out of wood, and we are happy to provide them for you. After all, your tax dollars went towards buying them. In fact, you simply aren't getting your money's worth if you leave the table alone. If you don't end up burning it, at least take it with you, otherwise thats just money being pissed away into some politician's trust fund.

13) Camp fees are $10 per night per site, and are completely optional. Although your financial support is appreciated, you do pay taxes, so clearly the DNR has excess money.

14) Orgies and gang-bangs are permitted in the campground. We do ask, however, that you leave all used profilactics behind and scattered about the site, to facilate the contraction of the clap by our employees, and so as to dispel any confusion as to how much of a stud really you are.

15) Men: Shirts are prohibited on the camp premises. After all, you are on vacation.

16) Women: Shirts are prohibited on the camp premises. After all, you are overweight.

17) Campers are encouraged to sign the guest registry if they have a spare moment. The registry can be found on the interior walls of any toilet facility, and detailed pictures of noteworthy extremities are desireable, as well as phone numbers, lists of favorite pasttimes, and dates for your return visit to our facility. Sorry, but we must ask you to bring your own writing implement.

Thank you for your compliance to the above rules, and we hope that we can make your stay as pleasant as possible. If you find anything unsatisfactory, or desire anything at all, be sure to file a request with one of our technicians. Such requests are encouraged to be lodged while using a minimal amount of courtesy. After all, your tax dollars pay their wages.

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#580228 - 07/07/06 02:04 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
BBoyd Offline
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BBoyd
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,494
MI
These are hilarious!
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#580229 - 07/07/06 03:19 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
Mrs. Rizzo Offline
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Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,392
Curled up by the fire...
I'm going camping this weekend and will be sure to remember these rules
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#580230 - 07/07/06 04:02 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
Carly Girl Offline
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 3,778
TEXAS
You didnt mention anything concerning the matters of loud music and unattended children!

Went camping this past weekend and as we were getting ready to pack it up, the Ranger came through and was taking pictures of trash that people had left behind. Wonder if they are going to send a cleaning bill? Its amazing how trashy people can be.
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#580231 - 07/07/06 05:50 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
Nanwa Offline
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Nanwa
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,564
Clintonville, WI, USA
The only reason I go camping is to get rain in the area. I have NEVER set up a tent where it hasn't rained. So, now we sleep in the truck.

Better yet, a hotel!
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#580232 - 07/07/06 07:13 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
corkygirl Offline
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 4,241
middle of the country
Quote:

The only reason I go camping is to get rain in the area. I have NEVER set up a tent where it hasn't rained. So, now we sleep in the truck.

Better yet, a hotel!





We must be related, when I was growing up we camped every summer for a full month and the family joke was that we should call ahead to see if any particular area needed rain!! It would rain no less than 2 of the 4 weeks, no matter when or where we went My dad was prepared though, had the tarp over the table with the plastic clipped to all 4 sides and at one site we actually collected bottle caps to put under and around the table to give us some "dry" ground.
Now, writing this makes me miss my Dad and those early morning talks around the fire while he made the coffee.
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#580233 - 07/07/06 07:34 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
Nanwa Offline
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Nanwa
Joined: Oct 2001
Posts: 5,564
Clintonville, WI, USA
The picnic table is where my dad taught me how to play canasta.
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#580234 - 07/07/06 08:40 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
KAT Offline
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Joined: Aug 2004
Posts: 986
Massachusetts
We had more fun with our girls camping that now they and their families always make time for us to go for at least 5 days together. Their husbands have never camped and one is a magnet for mosquitoes (sp) but we all have a great time. I hope my grandkids will fondly remember these trips.

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#580235 - 07/07/06 08:44 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
#12 Online
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We always do this with my dad as well. When we were kids we camped with him all the time. Now that we are all old and married, we still do one long weekend of camping with all of us and our families, and dad. It's so much fun! Our kids love it too!
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#580236 - 07/07/06 08:45 PM Re: Today's rules for campground campers
corkygirl Offline
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Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 4,241
middle of the country
We took our boys camping with my parents when they were growing up and, yes, they remember those trips fondly. We even camped for my parents 50th wedding anniversary.

Nanwa, we played cards at the picnic table also. I miss that.
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