How about we meet in London.

A married Irishman went into theconfessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"

The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped."

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poorbox."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching , quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!"

Ya'll sure you want me on the dance floor? I have a terminal case of White Boy Syndrome...

Okay here I come!

Good joke, X. Funny.

How about Hawaii? I don't mind spending some time with CheekEE or That Girl during the day as long as you and I have the nights all to ourselves.

Hawaii it is! Sorry CheekEE, we'll do London another time--I just can't resist an opportunity to play on the beach. Don't worry, TICG, I won't let anyone disrupt your beauty sleep

A woman was having a passionate affair with an inspector from a pest-control company. One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly.

"Quick," said the woman to thelover, "into the closet!" and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked.

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet. "Who are you?" he asked him.

"I'm an inspector fromBugs-B-Gone," said the exterminator.

"What are you doing in there?"the husband asked.

"I'm investigating a complaint aboutan infestation of moths," the man replied.

"And where are your clothes?" asked the husband.

The man looked down at himself and said, "Those little bastards!"
_____

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company.

One day the dogdied, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' besaying' a mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, andthere's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for thecreature."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya 'think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?"

Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?"
_____

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful."

Then hefell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said,

"You're cute."

The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

She asked, "What happened to beautiful?"

The man replied, "The drugs are wearing off."
_____

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, "Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face."
_____

God Said, Adam I Want you to do Something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river.
Adam said, "What's a river?" !
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." !
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as
well.So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill,
into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said
"What's a headache?"

I am starving....Goose on ice please, with three olives.

Sleep was the farthest thing from my mind

X, those were all good ones! Good Friday jokes.

A goose with olives to bbs.

Guess I'd better pack the whipped cream...

Another martini for me please. Becka, are you sticking with the hot chocolate or have I driven you to anything stronger yet?

And I'll bring the chocolate syrup...

Another martini to TICG.

I'll take a Blondie cigar, a redhead femme, and a dark beer. That should about cover it.

Hawaii sounds cool. I always wanted to hula!!!!

Margarita please, please, please!

Now, after my post in the spanking thread I'll take something good. I'm sure I'm going to get a lot of grief.

BJ, could I get a cranberry juice, please?

I've never been to Hawaii, That Girl. I think it would be fun to try surfing.

Margarita for TG, a dark beer for Roger and Skittles what do you like?

I totally agree with you Skittles, I'll have a quick drink with you then I'm off to the hospital to be with my mom.

Why certainly Becka. :slides cranberry juice on bar:

Nascar, what would you like? I hope your mother is ok.

Absolut Mandarin and cranberry juice sounds wonderful.