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#834630 - 10/15/07 04:28 PM Please help...
MelissaAnn Offline
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MelissaAnn
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Posts: 537
Washington State
My 9 month old is still sleeping in our bed... I don't want to here lectures on how awful that is that he slept with us, I need help on how to get him into his crib.
It is a battle every night. Last night he cried for over an hour and I finally had to go in to get him because it was completely breaking my heard. It's weird too, because if I rock him to sleep, and lay him down on my bed, he stays asleep, but if I rock him to sleep and lay him down in his crib or his playpen in our room he wakes up instantly and screams.
My husband is at the end of his rope. He says that I have created a monster, and that I need to get him out of our room. At this point it is making our marraige rough, because he is so angry with me.
I know that I shouldn't have started this to begin with, both because of SIDs and because of this struggle, but I have and now I need help fixing it.
I try to let him cry it out, but letting him cry for an hour only makes him more upset, and me upset and it doesn't accomplish anything.
Any suggestions? I need help to save my sanity as well as my husbands and our marriage!!!
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#834639 - 10/15/07 04:36 PM Re: Please help... MelissaAnn
Skittles Offline
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Although I don't have any real advice, I'm sorry you and your son are having to go through this. I believe (without real experience) that you're going to have to let him cry it out. Maybe at 15 minute intervals you can go in there and try to calm him down, but I'm sure some other parents who have been through this can give you some better advice.

Have you tried asking your pediatrician?
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#834640 - 10/15/07 04:37 PM Re: Please help... MelissaAnn
RR Jen Offline
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1st, don't apologize! 2nd, you're not alone.

I've never been a fan of letting them cry it out. She was a little bit older, but I had a lot of success with reading my daughter a book and laying down with her in her bed until she was asleep. My son on the other hand had to be rocked to sleep every night.

Does he take naps in his crib?
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#834647 - 10/15/07 04:43 PM Re: Please help... RR Jen
Comp Guy No More Offline
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Comp Guy No More
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We used a co-sleeper which helped initially. He sleeps well in your bed becasue he can smell you. Try sleeping with his crib sheet for a couple nights and then putting that on his crip mattress. Couldn't hurt!

We ultimately had to let my son cry. It was hard for my wife, so I would do it on nights she was working. Start out small and work your way up. Let him cry for 5 minutes, then 10, so on and so forth. He will lose his separation anxiety and ultimately sleep. Oh, and turn the monitor off or down to keep your instinct at bay.

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#834676 - 10/15/07 05:23 PM Re: Please help... Comp Guy No More
thomasj Offline
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Pennsylvania
If your husband is cooperative and will help, instead of you going when the baby cries have your husband go in - make sure he is OK - and leave. All of this hinges on his willingness to cooperate and his temperament though. If the child realizes that crying will not get mom, but dad and that dad will not cave in eventually they will get the idea. It will be difficult, but your child realizes that all they have to do is outlast you.

Good luck.
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#834711 - 10/15/07 06:01 PM Re: Please help... thomasj
MelissaAnn Offline
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Washington State
Thank you guys... I will talk to my husband about it...
And no, he doesn't sleep in his crib for naps. He does at daycare, but he won't fall asleep, they have to wait until he is asleep and then lay him down. On the weekends, we are on the go so much, that he usually sleeps in the car, or stroller or where ever we are.
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#834712 - 10/15/07 06:02 PM Re: Please help... thomasj
Nascar Offline
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Put something in his bed with your sent on it and let him cry it out. It took my daughter a week to get used to it. In the end, it will all workout.
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#834713 - 10/15/07 06:03 PM Re: Please help... thomasj
Nascar Offline
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Put something in his bed with your sent on it and let him cry it out. It took my daughter a week to get used to it. In the end, it will all workout.
And by the way, hubby getting upset is only going to make it worse. Baby's detect everything. They are tiny radars to parents emotions.
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#834714 - 10/15/07 06:05 PM Re: Please help... Nascar
CRAatBOK Offline

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Sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him. Tell him if he doesn't start sleeping in his own bed then he will never get a little brother or sister to pester.


Sorry, just thought you needed to smile, hope I helped.
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#834728 - 10/15/07 06:18 PM Re: Please help... CRAatBOK
nemoomen Offline
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Is the mattress for the crib covered in plastic or is there some other difference between the crib and your mattress? I never have been able to sleep on plastic, even with a cloth pad on top of it.

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#834754 - 10/15/07 06:34 PM Re: Please help... nemoomen
corkygirl Offline
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After he falls asleep in your bed, can you put him in his crib and have him stay asleep? If so, that might be one way to handle it. After a few mornings of waking up him his own crib it might be easier to put him down in his crib to start with. Anyway, that worked with our oldest son, way back when. I could not 'let him cry it out', seemed too cruel on him and hurt my heart too much. My mother taught me to hear the difference between what she called 'sleepy cries' and 'get me out of this bed, where did you go' cries and that helped too. I think sometimes I was going in too soon and he was just 'fussing himself' to sleep. Good luck.
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#834796 - 10/15/07 07:09 PM Re: Please help... corkygirl
MelissaAnn Offline
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MelissaAnn
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Washington State
I have tried over and over to move him from my bed to his crib and he just wakes up and bawls... I just don't get it.
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#834815 - 10/15/07 07:24 PM Re: Please help... MelissaAnn
Kitty Offline
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My SIL had this problem with her oldest. In the end she had to let him cry. She found that after 45 minutues or an hour he would get too wound up to sleep so either her or her husband would go in and calm him down and put him back in the crib.

It did take about two weeks to get him used to it.

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#834832 - 10/15/07 07:32 PM Re: Please help... Kitty
P*Q Offline

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I posted a similar thread last year when my then 9-month wouldn't sleep either and got a lot of helpful hints. Not being a fan of the search function I couldn't find it, I was going to post a link to it. So, long story short, we let him "cry it out" and after 3 nights, sleep was no longer a problem. Trust me, it felt like 3 months and it was sooooo hard to listen to him cry and in the end, I should have done it sooner. Good luck and keep us posted!

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#834872 - 10/15/07 07:59 PM Re: Please help... P*Q
redsfan Offline
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Melissa, you have gotten some good advice here. I wish you good luck with it. In the end, you are going to have to let him cry it out.

I have a 12 year old whose mother wnet to him every time he cried when he was a baby. Now, at age 12, he whines and cries when he doesn't get his way. And once he starts crying, he has a lot of trouble stopping. I will tell you that this is a major cause of stress in my marriage, because his mother still wants to comfort him when he whines.
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#835026 - 10/15/07 10:36 PM Re: Please help... P*Q
Truffle Royale Offline

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Here it is, PQ. I found it the old fashioned way, I looked down each page till it finally showed up!

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#835028 - 10/15/07 10:38 PM Re: Please help... redsfan
Justin Case Offline
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I agree with the others that have said that you'll have to let him cry it out. It's really a matter of him learning to calm himself down and become comfortable in his crib. It will be heartwrenching, no doubt, but the things I have read said the first 2-3 nights are the worst and he'll get used to it after that. What you have to make sure is not to cave in and do NOT pick him up. You can go in his room after about 1/2 hour and talk quietly to him for a minute and pat his back but then you need to leave him there! Once he learns that crying will no longer get him removed from his crib, he'll be fine! Good luck!
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#835034 - 10/15/07 11:03 PM Re: Please help... Justin Case
RebekahL CRCM Offline
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Melissa, you have received a lot of good (but hard to hear!) advice. My little guy is 8 months old, so I know how it hurts to hear them cry. I completely recommend you pick up the book "Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo. It is a quick read, and you can even skip ahead to the chapter on sleep habits. Like others' advice here, it advocates letting them learn how to put themselves to sleep. I went back to that book countless times for support.

Like everyone else has said, you are in for a few really difficult nights, but in the end you will be so relieved, and the reward will carry over into nap times, too. Vincent WILL learn to comfort himself to sleep, so hang in there!

Good luck! Let us all know how it goes!
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#835053 - 10/16/07 12:21 AM Re: Please help... RebekahL CRCM
Truffle Royale Offline

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Let this granma share just one more bit of advice.... Know that we've all been there before and can guarantee that yes, this too shall pass.
(We won't tell you what comes next so you won't loose more worrying about it! )

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#835070 - 10/16/07 02:56 AM Re: Please help... RebekahL CRCM
Princess Leia Offline
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Originally Posted By: RebekahL CRCM
Melissa, you have received a lot of good (but hard to hear!) advice. My little guy is 8 months old, so I know how it hurts to hear them cry. I completely recommend you pick up the book "Baby Wise" by Gary Ezzo. It is a quick read, and you can even skip ahead to the chapter on sleep habits. Like others' advice here, it advocates letting them learn how to put themselves to sleep. I went back to that book countless times for support.

Like everyone else has said, you are in for a few really difficult nights, but in the end you will be so relieved, and the reward will carry over into nap times, too. Vincent WILL learn to comfort himself to sleep, so hang in there!

Good luck! Let us all know how it goes!


I agree with RebekahL - this was a great book that helped me get into a routine with my daughter. I also read Toddler Wise.

Excuse me while I go look to see if he wrote PreSchooler Wise
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#835090 - 10/16/07 11:37 AM Re: Please help... Princess Leia
P*Q Offline

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Truff, thanks so much for finding. You have more patience than I do!!

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#835616 - 10/16/07 08:48 PM Re: Please help... MelissaAnn
QCL Offline

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No more lectures .

The advice that was stated above that worked for us:
- Turn down the monitor (ours has the little lights that lit up so I could still see if she was crying)
- Let them cry it out. We did this in different time intervals, when she had a bad night 10 minutes, then 15 minutes, then 30. I'd put her in bed - her crib- with a full tummy (this was easier when she was on a feeeding tube ) and a clean diaper. Each time I went in and "reset her." I'd check her diaper, make sure it was still dry, give her her "binky," her blanky and walk out.

Some where along the way someone told me (or I saw it on SuperNanny) to be "all business" at night time. No lovey dovey, just down to business, back to bed little one. I still have to remind myself of this now, for NAtalie at 4 likes to get up at 2am and tell me that she's having a hard time sleeping. I walk her back to her room, kiss her on the forhead and walk out. She's usually out within minutes.
Last edited by MOPNB; 10/16/07 08:49 PM.
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#836551 - 10/17/07 07:56 PM Re: Please help... QCL
MelissaAnn Offline
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Washington State
You all would be so proud of me... I did it, I let him cry. It took 2 1/2 hours. I went in every 15 minutes and rubbed his back and told him I loved him, but I didn't pick him up. Once he fell asleep he didn't wake up until this morning. He is usually up twice a night to eat, so of course, I was up every hour checking on him, but he was fine.
He still hadn't eaten by 8:00 this morning when I dropped him off at daycare... I don't know if he is on a hunger strike or what, but I am heading to daycare in about a 1/2 hour to pick him up for my lunch break, so hopefully they will tell me that he has been pigging out all day.
So... we'll see how it goes tonight. At least I know now that I have the will to not pick him up.
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#836569 - 10/17/07 08:07 PM Re: Please help... MelissaAnn
Skittles Offline
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Good for you. I know it was horribly difficult, but he's fine. Hopefully just another night or two and he'll get the picture.
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#836609 - 10/17/07 08:24 PM Re: Please help... Skittles
Nascar Offline
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You did wonderful. Keep having faith in yourself and things will go great..
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