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#84683 - 06/03/03 04:31 PM
Hilarious Signs
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 862
Mexifornia
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Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" “Roll over!”Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!" On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
_________________________
If you have enough, would you know?
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#84684 - 06/03/03 05:20 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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10K Club
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 27,750
On the Net
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Some new billboards in Cleveland, about 3 years ago.
Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks"
billboards.
The billboards were a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included.
Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
-God
C'mon over and bring the kids.
-God
What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?
-God
We need to talk.
-God
Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.
-God
Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
-God
That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.
-God
I love you and you and you and you and...
-God
Will the road you're on get you to my place?
-God
Follow me.
-God
Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.
-God
My way is the highway.
-God
Need directions?
-God
You think it's hot here?
-God
Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a
test.
-God
Do you have any idea where you're going?
-God
(And my personal favorite...)
Don't make me come down there.
-God
_________________________
AndyZ CRCM
My opinions are not necessarily my employers.
R+R-R=R+R
Rules and Regs minus Relationships equals Resentment and Rebellion. John Maxwell
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#84685 - 06/03/03 06:18 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,272
Where the heart is
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Remember all of the sayings and bumper stickers about various professions and how they "do it" such as "Hairdressers do it with style"? A few years ago in the course of a conversation with a group of people, I mentioned I worked for a bank. Upon hearing this, one "horndog" (  ) said "Oh? I hear Bankers do it with interest!" Whereupon I quickly replied "Yep! And there's a severe penalty for early withdrawal."For some reason, he shut up and never said another word to me.
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CRCM,CAMS
Regulations are a poor substitute for ethics.
Just sayin'
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#84687 - 06/03/03 06:29 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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I saw a truck that replaced windshields with a advertising sign that said, "Show me your crack."
THen there was a doctor that prescribed laxatives for bad coughs. He said it wouldn't cure the cough, but would make you be afraid to cough.
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#84689 - 06/03/03 08:16 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,760
Running and riding everywhere ...
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I really liked those Andy. The church on my way to work had a good one out front.
"Sign Broken. Come inside for message."
_________________________
I don't need any more negativity in my life...be positive and helpful people or I will kick you in the shins!!!
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#84691 - 06/03/03 08:29 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 6,719
PA
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Quote:
The church on my way to work had a good one out front.
"Sign Broken. Come inside for message."
I saw a similar church sign a few weeks back:
"Free trip to Heaven! Details inside."
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#84692 - 06/03/03 10:59 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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I tried on a dress in a local shop that sells some risque items. In the dressing room there was a sign that said: DO NOT TRY ON LATEX UNASSISTED!!! I'm a very honest little red head...but sheesh I was tempted to swipe that sign and take it home with me for giggles. 
_________________________
Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#84693 - 06/03/03 11:22 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,272
Where the heart is
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Anyone who attended the CBA Compliance conference a few years back will remember this one.
The conference evening event was held at the San Diego Zoo. The hot item seller in the Gift Shop was a sign that read:
PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.
So, tape over the word "animals" and write in COMPLIANCE OFFICER, and voila! A great sign to hang in a very small cubicle!
_________________________
CRCM,CAMS
Regulations are a poor substitute for ethics.
Just sayin'
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#84694 - 06/03/03 11:44 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Gold Star
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 377
Texas, USA
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Quote:
PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.
Man that takes the fun out of going to the zoo (or my world)
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There will be no crises next week. My schedule is already full...
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#84695 - 06/04/03 12:35 AM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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100 Club
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 199
South of Boston
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Here's another to add to the "church sign" list that actually appeared on a banner over the front door of a church in our town. "Open every Sunday til Christmas"
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#84696 - 06/04/03 01:55 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,991
Soaring over Georgia
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Quote:
PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.
So, tape over the word "animals" and write in COMPLIANCE OFFICER, and voila! A great sign to hang in a very small cubicle!
Mary Beth, this looks like a great addition to the BOL greeting cards!
_________________________
Jim Bedsole, CRCM, CBA, CFSA, CAFP
My posts - my opinions
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#84697 - 06/04/03 02:00 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 83,363
Galveston, TX
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My old boss had this sign in his office:
A minstrel must sing;
A poet must write;
But a compliance office must drink to truly be at peace with oneself.
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The opinions expressed here should not be construed to be those of my employer: PPDocs.com
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#84698 - 06/04/03 02:13 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,991
Soaring over Georgia
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Two signs that have hung in my office at various points in the past:
1) In God We Trust. Everyone else we audit.
2) I fully realize that I have not succeeded in answering all of your questions... Indeed, I feel I have not answered any of them completely. The answers I have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions, which lead to more problems, some of which we weren't even aware were problems. To sum it all up... In some ways I feel we are as confused as ever, but I believe we are confused on a higher level, and about more important things.
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Jim Bedsole, CRCM, CBA, CFSA, CAFP
My posts - my opinions
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#84699 - 06/04/03 02:18 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
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What about the guy who went to the doctor and was prescribed suppositories. When he came back a month later, the doc asked how they were working. He said, "for all the good they are doing I might as well be sticking them up my..."
Don't know what made me think of that bad joke, but thought you'd like a good groaner.
_________________________
Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city
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#84700 - 06/04/03 02:20 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,454
metsuretsu
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Quote:
2) I fully realize that I have not succeeded in answering all of your questions... Indeed, I feel I have not answered any of them completely. The answers I have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions, which lead to more problems, some of which we weren't even aware were problems. To sum it all up... In some ways I feel we are as confused as ever, but I believe we are confused on a higher level, and about more important things.
This really sums up audit and compliance.
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I have many opinions; some are good, some are bad, and some don't contradict.
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#84701 - 06/04/03 02:28 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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10K Club
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 27,750
On the Net
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I have a frame with four sayings on my shelf:
More sweat during audits,
less blood during exams. (The ex-military in me adopted this from a John Wayne movie.)
Our compliance program is only as good as our documentation.
A poor auditor uses a statistics the way a drunk uses a streetlight,
for support rather than illumination.
When compliance is routine,
exams are just another day at the bank.
I also have a hand grenade mounted on a wooden base. The pin has a tag on it with the number "1". The base has a sign, "Take a number".
_________________________
AndyZ CRCM
My opinions are not necessarily my employers.
R+R-R=R+R
Rules and Regs minus Relationships equals Resentment and Rebellion. John Maxwell
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#84703 - 06/04/03 02:33 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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These hang in my office:
1. Meetings are indispensible when you don't want to do anything.
2. The good news is that a stick's price can't fall below zero. So fortunately, the most you can lose is everything.
3. Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere.
And of course I always keep my copy of "Harold and the Purple Crayon" nearby to remind me of how to get things done.
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#84705 - 06/04/03 02:44 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
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How much does a stick cost in Chicago?
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Better a patient man than a warrior, a man who controls his temper than one who takes a city
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#84706 - 06/04/03 02:46 PM
Re: Hilarious Signs
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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I think he meant stock!
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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