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#84683 - 06/03/03 04:31 PM Hilarious Signs
Alien Offline
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Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 862
Mexifornia
Over a gynecologist's office: "Dr. Jones, at your cervix." On a plumber's truck: "We repair what your husband fixed." On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: "Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber." Pizza shop slogan: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." Outside a muffler shop: "No appointment necessary. We hear you coming." In a veterinarian's waiting room: "Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!" “Roll over!”Door of a plastic surgeon's office: "We can help you pick your nose!" On an electrician's truck: "Let us remove your shorts." In a non-smoking area: "If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action." On a maternity room door: "Push. Push. Push." At an optometrist's office: "If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place." In the front yard of a funeral home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait."
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#84684 - 06/03/03 05:20 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Andy_Z Offline
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Andy_Z
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 27,485
On the Net
Some new billboards in Cleveland, about 3 years ago.

Here's a list of all variations of the "God Speaks"
billboards.

The billboards were a simple black background with white text. No fine print or sponsoring organization is included.

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.
-God

C'mon over and bring the kids.
-God

What part of "Thou Shalt Not..." didn't you understand?
-God

We need to talk.
-God

Keep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.
-God

Loved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.
-God

That "Love Thy Neighbor" thing... I meant it.
-God

I love you and you and you and you and...
-God

Will the road you're on get you to my place?
-God

Follow me.
-God

Big bang theory, you've got to be kidding.
-God

My way is the highway.
-God

Need directions?
-God

You think it's hot here?
-God

Have you read my #1 best seller? There will be a
test.
-God

Do you have any idea where you're going?
-God

(And my personal favorite...)

Don't make me come down there.
-God
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AndyZ CRCM
My opinions are not necessarily my employers.
R+R-R=R+R
Rules and Regs minus Relationships equals Resentment and Rebellion. John Maxwell

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#84685 - 06/03/03 06:18 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Princess Romeo Offline

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Princess Romeo
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Posts: 8,272
Where the heart is
Remember all of the sayings and bumper stickers about various professions and how they "do it" such as "Hairdressers do it with style"?

A few years ago in the course of a conversation with a group of people, I mentioned I worked for a bank. Upon hearing this, one "horndog" ( ) said "Oh? I hear Bankers do it with interest!" Whereupon I quickly replied "Yep! And there's a severe penalty for early withdrawal."

For some reason, he shut up and never said another word to me.


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Regulations are a poor substitute for ethics.
Just sayin'

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#84686 - 06/03/03 06:23 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
zaibatsu Offline
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
Quote:

Yep! And there's a severe penalty for early withdrawal."




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#84687 - 06/03/03 06:29 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Anonymous
Unregistered

I saw a truck that replaced windshields with a advertising sign that said, "Show me your crack."

THen there was a doctor that prescribed laxatives for bad coughs. He said it wouldn't cure the cough, but would make you be afraid to cough.

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#84688 - 06/03/03 08:11 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
NancyF Offline
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NancyF
Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 173
PA


Similar to what Alien said, there is a business, Terry's Plumbers, around here. Their trucks have the slogan, "Don't go to bed with that drip tonight." It always make me chuckle, especially since my husband is named Terry!

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#84689 - 06/03/03 08:16 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
RR Jen Offline
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RR Jen
Joined: May 2003
Posts: 3,759
Running and riding everywhere ...
I really liked those Andy. The church on my way to work had a good one out front.

"Sign Broken. Come inside for message."
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#84690 - 06/03/03 08:28 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
WildTurkey Offline
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WildTurkey
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 921
Down South, USA
One I saw on the usual notice on the the back of a hotel room door in Italy, along side the usual room rate and legal notices stuff, "In the event of fire you should warm the porter."
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#84691 - 06/03/03 08:29 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
JacF Offline

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Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 6,719
PA
Quote:

The church on my way to work had a good one out front.

"Sign Broken. Come inside for message."



I saw a similar church sign a few weeks back:
"Free trip to Heaven! Details inside."

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#84692 - 06/03/03 10:59 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
HRH Dawnie Offline
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HRH Dawnie
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
I tried on a dress in a local shop that sells some risque items. In the dressing room there was a sign that said:

DO NOT TRY ON LATEX UNASSISTED!!!

I'm a very honest little red head...but sheesh I was tempted to swipe that sign and take it home with me for giggles.
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Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen

CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.

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#84693 - 06/03/03 11:22 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Princess Romeo Offline

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Princess Romeo
Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 8,272
Where the heart is
Anyone who attended the CBA Compliance conference a few years back will remember this one.

The conference evening event was held at the San Diego Zoo. The hot item seller in the Gift Shop was a sign that read:

PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.

So, tape over the word "animals" and write in COMPLIANCE OFFICER, and voila! A great sign to hang in a very small cubicle!
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CRCM,CAMS
Regulations are a poor substitute for ethics.
Just sayin'

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#84694 - 06/03/03 11:44 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
c.a.r Offline
Gold Star
c.a.r
Joined: Oct 2002
Posts: 377
Texas, USA
Quote:


PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.




Man that takes the fun out of going to the zoo (or my world)
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#84695 - 06/04/03 12:35 AM Re: Hilarious Signs
Tom C Offline
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 199
South of Boston
Here's another to add to the "church sign" list that actually appeared on a banner over the front door of a church in our town. "Open every Sunday til Christmas"

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#84696 - 06/04/03 01:55 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
RVFlyboy Offline
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RVFlyboy
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,978
Soaring over Georgia
Quote:

PLEASE DO NOT ANNOY, TORMENT, PESTER, PLAGUE, MOLEST, WORRY, BADGER, HARRY, HARRAS, HECKLE, PERSECUTE, IRK, BULLYRAG, VEX, DISQUIET, GRATE, BESET, BOTHER, TEASE, NETTLE, TANTALIZE, OR RUFFLE THE ANIMALS.

So, tape over the word "animals" and write in COMPLIANCE OFFICER, and voila! A great sign to hang in a very small cubicle!





Mary Beth, this looks like a great addition to the BOL greeting cards!
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Jim Bedsole, CRCM, CBA, CFSA, CAFP
My posts - my opinions

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#84697 - 06/04/03 02:00 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
rlcarey Offline
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rlcarey
Joined: Jul 2001
Posts: 79,235
Galveston, TX
My old boss had this sign in his office:

A minstrel must sing;
A poet must write;
But a compliance office must drink to truly be at peace with oneself.
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The opinions expressed here should not be construed to be those of my employer: PPDocs.com

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#84698 - 06/04/03 02:13 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
RVFlyboy Offline
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RVFlyboy
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 5,978
Soaring over Georgia
Two signs that have hung in my office at various points in the past:

1) In God We Trust. Everyone else we audit.

2) I fully realize that I have not succeeded in answering all of your questions... Indeed, I feel I have not answered any of them completely. The answers I have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions, which lead to more problems, some of which we weren't even aware were problems. To sum it all up... In some ways I feel we are as confused as ever, but I believe we are confused on a higher level, and about more important things.
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#84699 - 06/04/03 02:18 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
zaibatsu Offline
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Joined: Jun 2001
Posts: 6,153
What about the guy who went to the doctor and was prescribed suppositories. When he came back a month later, the doc asked how they were working. He said, "for all the good they are doing I might as well be sticking them up my..."

Don't know what made me think of that bad joke, but thought you'd like a good groaner.
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#84700 - 06/04/03 02:20 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Kansayaku Offline
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Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,454
metsuretsu
Quote:

2) I fully realize that I have not succeeded in answering all of your questions... Indeed, I feel I have not answered any of them completely. The answers I have found only serve to raise a whole new set of questions, which lead to more problems, some of which we weren't even aware were problems. To sum it all up... In some ways I feel we are as confused as ever, but I believe we are confused on a higher level, and about more important things.




This really sums up audit and compliance.
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#84701 - 06/04/03 02:28 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Andy_Z Offline
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Andy_Z
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Posts: 27,485
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I have a frame with four sayings on my shelf:

More sweat during audits,
less blood during exams. (The ex-military in me adopted this from a John Wayne movie.)

Our compliance program is only as good as our documentation.

A poor auditor uses a statistics the way a drunk uses a streetlight,
for support rather than illumination.

When compliance is routine,
exams are just another day at the bank.

I also have a hand grenade mounted on a wooden base. The pin has a tag on it with the number "1". The base has a sign, "Take a number".
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AndyZ CRCM
My opinions are not necessarily my employers.
R+R-R=R+R
Rules and Regs minus Relationships equals Resentment and Rebellion. John Maxwell

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#84702 - 06/04/03 02:29 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Countess Kiwi Offline
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,815
Minnesota
Quote:


1) In God We Trust. Everyone else we audit.




That is good!

The one I have says "You can agree with me, or you can be wrong!"
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~Theodore Roosevelt~

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#84703 - 06/04/03 02:33 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Anonymous
Unregistered

These hang in my office:

1. Meetings are indispensible when you don't want to do anything.
2. The good news is that a stick's price can't fall below zero. So fortunately, the most you can lose is everything.
3. Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere.

And of course I always keep my copy of "Harold and the Purple Crayon" nearby to remind me of how to get things done.

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#84704 - 06/04/03 02:41 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
DeeQ Offline
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DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,763
Turnpike Exit 10
Not really a sign, but funny nonetheless: I recently had some minor surgery in which they were going to anesthesize me, on the health information request form they wanted to know if I was allergic to balloons or condoms. (What? Do they have parties in operating rooms?)
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#84705 - 06/04/03 02:44 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
zaibatsu Offline
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Posts: 6,153
How much does a stick cost in Chicago?
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#84706 - 06/04/03 02:46 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
DeeQ Offline
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DeeQ
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,763
Turnpike Exit 10
I think he meant stock!
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain

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#84707 - 06/04/03 02:49 PM Re: Hilarious Signs
Skunk Boy Offline
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Skunk Boy
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,896
R.I.P. Chief Illiniwek
Quote:

How much does a stick cost in Chicago?



Does it contain cork?
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