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#942148 - 04/15/08 02:28 PM
Signs you are getting Older......
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,159
Lost in the desert....
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GAMES FOR WHEN WE ARE OLDER 1. Sag, you're It. 2. Hide and go pee. 3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear. 4. Kick the bucket 5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the nurse says Bend Over. 6. Musical recliners. 7. Simon says something incoherent. 8. Pin the Toupee on the bald guy
SIGNS OF MENOPAUSE : 1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale. 2. You have to write post-it notes with your kids' names on them. 3. You change your underwear after a sneeze.
OLD IS WHEN: 1. Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. 2. You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. 3. Getting a little action means I don't need fiber today. 4. Getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot. 5. An all-nighter means not getting up to pee! Thoughts for the weekend: Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctr Alt Delete' and start all over? If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Ponderisms I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to? In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt." If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway? Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
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#942163 - 04/15/08 02:44 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
West Texas
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
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...when you refer to Pale Rider as young man.
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#942168 - 04/15/08 02:49 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Peepers
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,594
Easy Street
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Some days good karma isn't worth the hassle.
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#942169 - 04/15/08 02:50 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Peepers
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 18,989
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1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 a.m . is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of “hook up” and “break up.”
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10. You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You take naps.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good sh!t.”
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. “I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking “Oh sh!t what the [censored]!”
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With the lights out, it's less dangerous.
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#942174 - 04/15/08 02:54 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
A_G
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Gold Star
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 394
somewhere over <--there-->
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this is priceless....
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A cautious person leaves no stones unturned...
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#942178 - 04/15/08 02:57 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
agencyteapot
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,244
Stuck w/Avatar
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You find yourself repeating yourself uncontrollably.
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It's called a nap, Susan Lucci!
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#942179 - 04/15/08 02:58 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bacon Boy
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,244
Stuck w/Avatar
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You find yourself repeating yourself uncontrollably.
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It's called a nap, Susan Lucci!
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#942181 - 04/15/08 02:59 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bacon Boy
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Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 13,244
Stuck w/Avatar
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You find yourself repeating yourself uncontrollably.
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It's called a nap, Susan Lucci!
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#942185 - 04/15/08 03:01 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bacon Boy
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Gold Star
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 394
somewhere over <--there-->
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I heard woman get mustache lines as they get older is that true?? And if it is please let me know at what age I should expect to see the hairy line so I can go buy mustache bleach
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#942187 - 04/15/08 03:03 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
agencyteapot
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,596
The psych ward
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42
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No, I didn't lose my mind. It got scared and ran away.
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#942223 - 04/15/08 04:02 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
agencyteapot
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,141
In the Snow :)
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whew.... I have a loooong ways to go Hate to burst your bubble Teapot - it depends on your coloring. If you have dark hair, it could be much earlier than that.
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The woods are lovely dark & deep & I have promises to keep & miles to go before I sleep and miles to go before I sleep
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#942227 - 04/15/08 04:10 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Snow Bunny
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Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 10,596
The psych ward
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...and then you get wiry eyebrows (think Andy Rooney) and the compulsion to listen to AM talk radio.....
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No, I didn't lose my mind. It got scared and ran away.
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#942255 - 04/15/08 04:41 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
'Lil Freak!
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
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. . .you have absolutely no idea what movies are being quoted in the BOL Watercooler movie quote thread.
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Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker
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#942258 - 04/15/08 04:43 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Sinatra Fan
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What you got to do is get inside his pelt and crawl around for a minute, you have to act like a gopher and if at all possible, look like one.
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#942263 - 04/15/08 04:44 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Peepers
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,558
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They are like the Viet-Cong. They are the Varmint-Cong.
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#942265 - 04/15/08 04:46 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bailey.
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
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Ah, now those I recognize! Now I know why tigers eat their young.
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Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker
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#942273 - 04/15/08 04:52 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bailey.
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
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I think I have enough butter, now.
_________________________
Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker
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#942274 - 04/15/08 04:52 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Sinatra Fan
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Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
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This is my friend Mr. Wang, no offense.
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#942277 - 04/15/08 04:53 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Peepers
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,558
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I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don't tell 'em you're Jewish, okay?
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#942278 - 04/15/08 04:53 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Peepers
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 5,568
New Jersey
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Oh, but on you, it looks good.
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Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. Peter Drucker
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#942279 - 04/15/08 04:54 PM
Re: Signs you are getting Older......
Bailey.
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
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Whoa! I bet when you buy a hat like that you get a free bowl of soup. It looks good on you though.
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