And here I thought that PR finally remembered a joke...

Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend and kills him.
Wife says, "If you keep on behaving like this, you'll lose ALL your friends."
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A small Boy wrote to Santa Claus, "Send me a brother."
Santa wrote back, "SEND ME YOUR MOTHER"
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What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress.
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What's the difference between stress, tension, and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant.
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Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she had missed one,
and my mom fainted, dad had a heart attack, and
our neighbor ran away.
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A woman asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours??"
The man replies sarcastically,
"No, I work in a condom factory and these are customer
complaints."
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A young boy asks his Dad,
"What is the difference between confident and confidential?"
Dad says, "You are my son. I'm confident about that.
Your friend over there is also my son. That's confidential!"

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, "Seven Points." His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied, "It's f_rt football."

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score." After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, "Aha!! I'm ahead 14 to 7." Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."
Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on the old man. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

The wife says, "What the devil was that?"

The old man says, "Half time, switch sides."

out of respect to my beloved X, i think this thread should be locked down.

Get a grip, kitty!

What happened to X?

He has taken a sabbatical, he'll be back. All is well.

I scared that little punk away... I told him he'd better go.....







OR ELSE!!!

well, BRING HIM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You got me here to hold you over






Here kitty kitty....

now is no time to be shy...

What happened to the Butcher when he backed into the meat grinder?
















He got a little behind in his work...

ewwwww... dieseldave, not a nice image...

** Toddler Property Laws:

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my hand, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it looks just like mine, it's mine.
8. If I think it's mine, it's mine.
9. If it's yours and I steal it, it's mine.
10. If I ... Whoops! Sorry! I goofed! Instead of reading the Toddler Property Laws, I've been reading Bill Gates' Business Plans.

Q: Why should you never tell secrets in a garden ?

A: Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes, and the beanstalk.

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from holland called Holes?

see my Queen, I do have some memory left!

i miss X.

Here I am, kitty!

oh, i KNOW X would never be made a mod..... DQ. Nice try!

:-)

Why, Why, Why,
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weaker?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wea r helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "s" in the word "Lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE . . . . . . .

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends --- if they're okay, then it's you.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Texas Archaeoligists and Science

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.

One week later, the Star-Telegram in Fort Worth, Texas reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 yards in corn fields near Corsicana, Billy Bob Bullock a self-taught archaeologist (and kin to Slim Bullock of Rockwall County), reported he found absolutely nothing. Billy Bob therefore concluded 300 years ago Texas had already gone wireless.

A man wins the lottery....