Thread Options 
|
#1045956 - 09/19/08 03:24 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
When to start cussing
A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing.'
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with [censored] and you say something with ass.'
The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, [censored], Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'
WHACK!
He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'
I don't know, he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!'
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1045960 - 09/19/08 03:24 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her.
"I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty to animals, so you should have your husband check that, too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it immediately.
"Also," said the Amish woman, "The policeman said there was something wrong with the emergency brake."
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1045963 - 09/19/08 03:25 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
And of course Little Johnny...
A little girl and a little boy were at daycare. The girl approached the boy and said, "Hey Johnny, wanna play house?"
He said, "Sure! What do you want me to do?"
The girl replied, "I want you to communicate."
He said to her, "That word is too big. I have no idea what it means."
The little girl smirked and said, "Perfect. You can be the husband!"
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1045987 - 09/19/08 03:34 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,349
|
What is black metal?
_________________________
If your tagline references disclaimers regarding the nature of political posts, then you should just hit notify.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046004 - 09/19/08 03:52 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Sound Tactic
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
An extreme subgenre of heavy metal.
Please don't hijack the jokes thread.
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046024 - 09/19/08 04:01 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
100 Club
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 216
On the concrete
|
Excellent
_________________________
Kharma's a B***H, and so is her sister, Payback. - The Red Chord
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046094 - 09/19/08 04:31 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,349
|
An extreme subgenre of heavy metal.
Please don't hijack the jokes thread. Oh good god lighten up. Besides, its probably just another genre of metal trying to be something different, name a few bands.... I bet they are catargorized as something else.
_________________________
If your tagline references disclaimers regarding the nature of political posts, then you should just hit notify.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046117 - 09/19/08 04:41 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Sound Tactic
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
An extreme subgenre of heavy metal.
Please don't hijack the jokes thread. Oh good god lighten up. Besides, its probably just another genre of metal trying to be something different, name a few bands.... I bet they are catargorized as something else. The term was coined by the British band 'Venom' with their album titled 'Black Metal' that was released in the early 80s. Go here for a listing of black metal bands. The band I took my sig line from is not categorized as black metal, but most likely influenced by it.
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046132 - 09/19/08 04:46 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
10K Club
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 12,579
Not prison
|
^^^hijacker!!!  ^^^
_________________________
I shall call you Thunder Twonk. ~TfD
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046141 - 09/19/08 04:50 PM
Re: Jokes Only
kitten
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
She was standing in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the T-shirt that she normally slept in.
As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, ‘You’ve got to make love to me this very moment.’
My eyes lit up and I thought, ‘I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.’
Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.
Afterwards she said, ‘Thanks,’ and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
A little puzzled, I asked, ‘What was that all about?’
She explained, ‘The egg timer’s broken.’
AND THEN THE FIGHT STARTED...
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046148 - 09/19/08 04:52 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Gold Star
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 352
Alabama
|
_________________________
"Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching!"
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046153 - 09/19/08 04:54 PM
Re: Jokes Only
ITGuy
|
10K Club
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 12,579
Not prison
|
LOL!
_________________________
I shall call you Thunder Twonk. ~TfD
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046155 - 09/19/08 04:54 PM
Re: Jokes Only
kitten
|
10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
|
hey, I get it!
but I fear that in my case, the eggs would still have a while to go
_________________________
blah
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046157 - 09/19/08 04:55 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Peepers
|
10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
|
Nice one, Becka!
_________________________
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046176 - 09/19/08 05:04 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Retired DQ
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
That one came from Mr. X!
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046435 - 09/19/08 07:41 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Power Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,349
|
An extreme subgenre of heavy metal.
Please don't hijack the jokes thread. Oh good god lighten up. Besides, its probably just another genre of metal trying to be something different, name a few bands.... I bet they are catargorized as something else. The term was coined by the British band 'Venom' with their album titled 'Black Metal' that was released in the early 80s. Go here for a listing of black metal bands. The band I took my sig line from is not categorized as black metal, but most likely influenced by it. Access denied I will have to go back and check it tonight. But Venom (amazing how a band is allowed to catogorize itself - kind of like giving yourself a nickname) was just another 80s metal band that sounded like tons of other 80s rock bands that actually never progressed to metal. So I will call this Black Hair Rock.
_________________________
If your tagline references disclaimers regarding the nature of political posts, then you should just hit notify.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046436 - 09/19/08 07:42 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Sound Tactic
|
Power Poster
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 5,349
|
imo
_________________________
If your tagline references disclaimers regarding the nature of political posts, then you should just hit notify.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046444 - 09/19/08 07:47 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Sound Tactic
|
Diamond Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,117
|
Knock, knock
_________________________
Romans 12: Read it...Live it...Don't blend in!!! 
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046449 - 09/19/08 07:49 PM
Re: Jokes Only
East Texas
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
Who's there?
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046458 - 09/19/08 07:56 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Diamond Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,117
|
Izzit
_________________________
Romans 12: Read it...Live it...Don't blend in!!!
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046460 - 09/19/08 07:57 PM
Re: Jokes Only
East Texas
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
Izzit who?
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046461 - 09/19/08 07:58 PM
Re: Jokes Only
Becka Marr
|
Diamond Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 1,117
|
Izzit 5 o'clock YET?!?!?!?!
_________________________
Romans 12: Read it...Live it...Don't blend in!!!
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#1046465 - 09/19/08 08:00 PM
Re: Jokes Only
East Texas
|
Power Poster
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 6,152
|
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over.
A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.
"Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"
_________________________
To avoid criticism do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. ~Elbert Hubbard
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous Thread
Index