Last week, my boyfriend received an invitation to his cousin's wedding. The first thing that seemed odd was that all of the couple's family lives in the same vicinity, but the festivities are being held 30 miles away supposedly because that is where all of their friends are from. OK..... Whatever, I guess.

Anyway, my boyfriend sends back the RSVP for 2 people (him & me). Well, his mother calls him yesterday to say that only family, spouses & fiancee's are allowed as guests. Apparently he did not read the "fine print" on the invitation (he's a guy, so go figure. ) Children are also not invited. I guess I kind of understand that, because sometimes the atmosphere isn't "child friendly".

I'm sorry, but I just don't think it's right to invite someone to your wedding and not allow them to bring who they want as a guest because they're not family, married or engaged.

It's his option to just not attend, and though I would not expect him to decline the invite now upon learning about this, it really bothers me that he still intends on going. He sees these people once a year, for Pete's sake. I'm not mad at him, by any means, it's his family and he feels obligated, I suppose.

Am I like way off base here?

your feelings are legit BQ; but the BF is in a tight spot! It's a no win situation for him; his cousin needs a kick in the pants!

If the invite was just addressed to him, then that is what the bride/groom wanted - for cost or whatever reason.

I've had wedding invitations addressed to only me or to 'me and guest'

I've even seen invites to Mr ABC and guest, even though Mr ABC has been dating guest for 5 years!

I'd base it on the invitation as that shows the bride/groom's intent.

if she were marry'n a "suga daddy" ...this wouldn't be an issue

That was an "unvite."

but it was a "dis"!

I guess that all makes sense. However, I've been to many, many weddings (as I'm sure you have) and I have never heard that a person that has been invited cannot bring a guest. Furthermore, if cost is an issue, then maybe cousins (or others whom you only see once a year) would not be invited to the dinner part of the reception.

If I were him, I'd contact the bride and ask her. Why is his mother telling him to disinvite you and not the bride's mother? Something's fishy here.

IMO, your first paragraph answers the last sentence. This is being held away from home so it's fair to assume that the costs will be higher for the bridal party and their families. It's up to them to decide who they can afford to have. Especially in today's economy where everywhere you look you see stuff about having a less expensive wedding, cut them some slack. If he only sees them once a year, chances are you barely know them anyway so do you really care or is your pride hurt? As to why his mother called, sounds like somebody called her and asked her to talk to him. Not unusual at all if they think it will soften the blow.

30 miles is far away?

Make him pop the question! You are then a "Fiancee", problem solved. If you don't want to marry him, then call off the "engagement" after the wedding (Theirs not yours).

you can't invite someone to a wedding but not the reception. But, it is their wedding and they do get to invite whomever they want, seeing as they are the ones paying for it. My wife was invited to the wedding of a co-workers daughter, and I was not invited. Didn't really bother me, I didn't know either person, but she felt obligated to go due to co-worker. And be real, most people invite extended family to weddings from either a sense of obligation or looking to get more gifts.

But from what I saw, they aren't the ones disinviting.... the boyfriend's mother is.

this is why you should always elope to Vegas!

I'm with BF.. I think it seems fishy, too. Why is Boyfriend's Mom telling him this?

you can't elope, you watermelon head!

To whom was the invitation addressed?

why not, you pea brain?

To Whom It May Concern

For some reason, the movie "Wedding Crashers" pops into my head.

love that movie ^^^^

Happy, people get invited to wedding ceremonies but not receptions all the time around here...and vice versa. Sometimes they're not invited to the dinner but are invited to the dance afterwards. There's all different ways to do it.

And I edited my last post in response to his mother calling. I think someone there asked her to talk to him to soften the blow.

Really, BQ, do you even know these people well enough to be this miffed? Or is it the principal of the thing. Life's too short to sweat this small stuff. Besides, your own wedding guest list just got smaller, didn't it?

Apparently, the bride's mother called his mother about it when they received his RSVP, so she told him how the invitation read, blah, blah, blah.

I don't think there is anything "fishy" going on. I guess I have never had this experience happen to me before and it caught me off-guard after expecting to be attending as his guest. I wouldn't say my pride is hurt necessarily either, but personally if I were to invite certain people to my wedding I would at least allow them to bring a guest (maybe just not all 8 of their kids. )

Funny!

Really, it's mostly the principle of the matter. I feel like it is insensitive to invite someone, but because they are not "officially" attached that they have to attend alone (if they chose to attend, that is).

BQ, you and I are from the same neck of the county so I appreciate where you're coming from.

Having said that, we had to watch the guest list for my son's wedding very carefully because there was a limit on the number of guests the room could hold. Fire safety and all. So if it comes down to both the cousins or one cousin and his girlfriend we barely know, who doesn't get invited (or gets disinvited)?