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#132440 - 11/19/03 06:01 PM
Funny stuff
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Power Poster
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You're gonna hate me for this one, but I thought it was cute!! A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her name plate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So, he says, "Mrs.Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.. The frog says "$30,000." The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it is OK, he knows the bank manager. Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral. The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office. She finds the manager and says: "There is a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. And he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?" (are you ready?) (you're gonna hate me) The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a rolling stone."
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#132444 - 11/19/03 09:30 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Anonymous
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Roy Rogers and Dale Evans went to the mall. Roy bought new shoes and when he got home, left the shoe box on the back porch. (They do that on the ranch). The next morning, Dale discovered the shoes torn to bits and a cat slinking accross the back yard. She said....... " Pardon me Roy, is that the cat that chewed your new shoes?"
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#132445 - 11/20/03 07:52 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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I have some great email buddies. Here is another one. This one is for all of you who either: a) have kids (or will someday) b) had kids who have now grown c) were once a kid d) know a kid! Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers As I was packing for my business trip, my 3 year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy, look at this," and stuck out two of her fingers. Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again. When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face. I said, "What's wrong, honey?" She replied, (hee-hee) "What happened to my booger?"
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#132446 - 11/21/03 12:39 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Subject: First Christmas Joke Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. It represents a candle, he said. You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates. The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "They're Carols." And So The Holiday Season Begins....
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#132448 - 11/21/03 02:24 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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#132449 - 11/21/03 02:36 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 2,675
Austin Texas
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I love you guys - I was told this morning I needed to move my office by Tuesday (YIKES!!!) and really needed the laghter to pick me up.
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My comments are absolutely no reflection of, nor influenced by, my employer - take them at your own risk.
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#132450 - 11/21/03 02:40 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Anonymous
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Before Michael Jackson surrendered yesterday, he stopped at Wal-mart where boys shorts were half off.
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#132451 - 11/21/03 03:13 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Quote:
Before Michael Jackson surrendered yesterday, he stopped at Wal-mart where boys shorts were half off.
Now that's BAD!
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#132453 - 11/24/03 03:53 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Thanksgiving story.... An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." "Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. "We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the old man says. "We're sick and tired of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." And he hangs up. Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like Heck they're getting a divorce," she shouts. "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "They're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."
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#132454 - 11/26/03 02:08 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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A woman goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The woman says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#132455 - 11/26/03 02:56 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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#132456 - 11/26/03 04:27 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Sorry in advance to anyone from CA, but my sister-in-law just moved to L.A. and I thought this was too funny to pass up. (Hey! Is Pot Illegal?!? )
GOOD OL' CALIFORNIA
Not to be outdone by all the redneck, hillbilly, &Texan jokes...You know
you're in California when...
1. Your coworker has 8 body piercings and none are visible.
2. You make over $300,000 and still can't afford a house.
3. You take a bus and are shocked at two people carrying on a conversation in English.
4. Your child's 3rd-grade teacher has purple hair, a nose ring, and is named Breeze.
5. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
6. You've been to a baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor.
7. You have a very strong opinion about where your coffee beans are grown, and you can taste the difference between Sumatran and Ethiopian.
8. You know which restaurant serves the freshest arugula.
9. You can't remember...is pot illegal?
10. A really great parking space can totally move you to tears.
11. A low speed police pursuit will interrupt ANY TV broadcast.
12. Gas costs $1.00 per gallon more than anywhere else in the US.
13. A man gets on the bus in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don't even notice.
14. Unlike back home, the guy at 8:30 A.M. at Starbucks wearing the baseball cap and sunglasses who looks like George Clooney really IS George Clooney.
15. Your car insurance costs as much as your house payment...and check that fire insurance!
16. Your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is into S & M, and your Mary Kay rep is a guy in drag.
17. You can't remember...is pot illegal?!?
18. It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH 2003".
19. You have to leave the big company meeting early because Billy Banks himself is teaching the 4:00 P.M. Tae Bo class.
20. You pass an elementary school playground and the children are all busy with their cells or pagers.
21. It's barely sprinkling rain outside, so you leave for work an hour early to avoid all the weather-related accidents; and you carry a fire extinguisher.
22. Hey! Is Pot Illegal?!?
23. Both you AND your dog have therapists.
24. The Terminator is your new governor
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#132457 - 11/26/03 04:36 PM
Re: Funny stuff
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Ben invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful Ben's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between Ben and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Ben and the roommate than met the eye. Reading his mom's thoughts, Ben volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Allison and I are just roommates." About a week later, Allison came to Ben and said, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. "You don't suppose she took it, do you?" Ben said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll write her a letter just to be sure." So he sat down and wrote: "Dear Mother, I'm not saying you 'did' take a gravy ladle from my house, and I'm not saying you 'did not' take a gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner." Several days later, Ben received a letter from his mother which read: "Dear Son, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Allison, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with Allison. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom.
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