25 ways to tell if you're a Redneck

1. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.


2. You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.

3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.

5. Jack Daniel's makes your list of "most admired people."

6. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

7. Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

8. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.

9. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

10. Your junior prom had a daycare.

11. You think the last words of the Star Spangled Banner are, "Gentlemen start your engines."

12. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.

13. The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.

14. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.

15. One of your kids was born on a pool table.

16. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

17. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

19. Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

20. Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" as your girlfriend hits the floor.

21. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

22. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart.

23. Your working T.V. sits on top of your non-working T.V.

24. Your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home.

25. You missed 5th grade graduation because you had jury duty.

....lol

Quote:

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18. You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

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That's hilarious....

"You Might Be a Redneck Jedi If..."

...You have ever used the force to get a beer from the fridge without having to get up off the couch, or...

...If the land-speeder is covered more than 30% with primer...
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Your mother does not remove the Marlboro from between her lips before telling the state trooper to "kiss my a$$".

Your dad walks you to school, cause your in the same grade.

You go to family reunions to meet girls.

You have to roll up your sleeve and look at your arm to spell your wife's name...

You quit your job because deer season is fixin to start...

Your car's antitheft device is the way it looks....

I thought they were "Play Ball!"

If you mow your lawn and find a car.

If you've ever used a barstool as a walker.

If your concrete goose has more clothes than you do.

It's a lawn ornament - a concrete goose. Some people choose to dress them, and some people choose to obsessively dress them.

It's those decorative geese people dress and put on their front porch.

Wow, I have got to see these things. Are they really made of concrete? Are they like those things hunters use?

I don't think a hunter would have much use for them. Yes, they are constructed of concrete, just like a birdbath or a lion could be.

They are concrete but not like the things hunters use. They wear little Christmas outfits and rainy day outfits and some people dress them like they are children. Before you get too worried about me ... I don't own one, I just see them all over the county where I live.

This is bizarre! Like I need more fuel!

Redneck bashing. I actually just entertain myself.

Well I just need to see it so that I can have a good laugh.

I have true Redneck relatives (red necks from working on the farm and out in the fields) and I understand the humor in these jokes (look at the success of Foxworthy and Larry The Cable Guy, et al), and I appreciate that they can laugh at themselves (one of the few groups that doesn't get offended).

But, not all Rednecks are the racist ignoramouses that they are portrayed to be. Most are just good-hearted and hard working people who are: generally Christians, may not be educated to the nth degree, enjoy NASCAR (because most could build a race car), and don't necessarily enjoy what is generally accepted as "cultural" pursuits. I sure hope most of the people who continually rip on them (I will leave out names) understand the reality of many of these so-called Rednecks.