DRAFTING GUYS OVER 60

New Direction for the war on terrorists. Send Prior Service Vets over 60!

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down Terrorists. (You can't be older than 42 to join the military.) They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters:

Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. "My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry!" We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some jerk that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee. Besides, like I said, "I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatic."

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we like soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. now, "Get down and give me ... er .. one."

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten cowards who attacked us on September 11. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed off old [censored] with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

If nothing else, put us on the border and we will have it secured the first night. Share this with your senior friends. Put it in big type so you can read it.

I didn't know you were a fellow senior dip, you have held up well

That's great! and so true.

HA! Love it - I'll have to copy this and send it to my Dad. ALl his ex-military buddies will get a kick out if it.

Pale is already guarding the border here in the cooler

I went home at lunch and was going to forward this to Dad. Checked my email - he'd sent it to me!

Why am I not surprised!

Isn't there a similar one to this...maybe 2..one for rednecks and the other, menapausal women??

I think so - the redneck one sounds familiar, at least. Something about a flotilla of bass boats and Bubbas with deer rifles...

yep..that's the one!

Where do I sign up Dip? It has only been 41 years since I got out! I may not be as physically fit as I once was but I am still an expert marksman!

Dip - When I saw this thread, I thought you were taking your dating criteria in a new direction...

hoooey, i am too stressed and too overworked for dating. actually, maybe a man over 60 would be about my pace right now...haha!

I don't think I've ever been too overworked and stressed for dating...That's what relieves stress. Well, that and beer.

Don't do it Dip! (unless they are filthy rich...no family...and you marry them before they konk out!)

whats wrong with us seniors?

there are medications you know!

ooPPS...nothing wrong, PR...not to worry...I'm a roller coaster...I used to say "no one less than at least 5 years older than me" and now I say "between hummmmm...25-35 and very easy to look at". Okay, so I'm fickle...

And you know, there is one advantage to us older guys: we'd be just so dang grateful we would probably do whatever you want!

yeah, but then you run the risk of being "put on a pedestal" and having been there...done that...that's not always a good thing either!