Looking over the nth iteration of the abortion thread, I picked up on this comment by Darkhorse:

Quote:

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I know that this will come as a shock to you, but some of us gals just don't want kids. I'll probably get flamed all around for this statement, but it's just not what fulfills some of us.

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I am a twenty-four year old male and at this point in my life, I cannot FATHOM having a child. Furthermore, I cannot see myself in an extremely serious relationship at this point in my life either. I am simply too focused on my career in addition to not having any responsibilities to a significant other.

I used to have a staunch "never going to have children" policy that has certainly softened, but has not tipped in favor of "definitely going to have children". Discounting my own opinion of the subject, I have found that there is a vocal population of folks my age who have expressed disinterest with having children, which, on many levels, is intriuging to me.

I suppose I'll reserve my own feelings regarding the subject until later in the thread, but I was just wondering what other people thought about this trend.

I did not want a child at all, I wanted a career. I never liked children, they are annoying, but somehow I had a "skiing accident"; at that time I was 32 and steadily employed. Had I been younger, I do not know what would have happened. I had him and I am truly glad I did, he is the light of my life. (Oh, and my son is only annoying some of the time...)

But, I agree, not everyone wants to have them.

Before my wife and I had our beautiful baby girl, I did not want nor expect to have children. Now that I am a father, I wouldn't trade being a dad for the world. I guess it's not for some people, but for me it was such a good change.

I'm a 24 year old female and I desparately want children. I do agree that I'm a minority among my peers. The funny thing is that growing up I always said I wanted kids and my girlfriends always swore they never would, now they all do, and I don't, funny how life works. I'm married, and after high school but before I met my husband,I said I didn't want to get married for at least a decade, and didn't want kids ever. Again, life is funny, meeting "the one" does somthing to you. You might be suprised, Chi.

The one thing is, though, me and my husband agree that we are still too selfish and immature to have kids (hey, atleast we can admit it) I think, when possible, kids should come when your ready and waiting. It gives them a nice foundation to start out on.

I am pro-having kids. I am even more pro-going through the motions of producing one though.

Pixie, if you wait until you are "ready" to have children, chances are you good never will. No one is ready to have their life turned totally upside down. Parenting well requires a complete re-ordering of priorities - all you have to do to confirm that is read some of the posts in this thread.

If you want children, you should have them. If you do not want them, I would suggest surgery or celibacy or whatever else you need to do to prevent pregnancy.

Good luck.

Chi I think at your age you probably wouldn't want kids. I know at your age I didn't even want to be married, couldn't understand how people could even get married before 25. Quick story, my cousin signed a piece of paper that she would never have kids on a bet from her bother-in-law, she was in her early 20's. She was adamant. Today she has 3 grown boys and wouldn't have missed the experience. She was a great mother and all the boys were good students and are successful young adults.

Redsfan - agree and disagree. I don't think anyone is ever ready to have kids. However, my wife and I were in the same place as Pixie 10 years ago when we got married. I was way into me to have time for a kid. We waited, did the things we wanted to, and eventually grew up a little. Now we have a wonderful son. I am so glad we have him, but I am also glad we waited.

I am not saying one should not wait. Newly married couples who have children right away are adding another stress to an already stressful time in their lives. The first couple of years of marriage is an adjustment for both parties (especially if one has never been married before). After that, a couple should be ready for the burden and joy of parenting (Of course, "couple of years" is a relative term). My perspective is somehat different than your and Pixie's. I married at 31 and was past that "me" phase of life that was my early- and mid-20s.

Waiting "til you're ready" can have consequences, especially if one or both partners have fertility issues.

I'm a 36 year old male and I'm looking forward to kids someday. I don't know when, but it's definitely something I'd like to do one day...I need to pass on all my quirky traits and philosophies...

I vow to stop at nothing to prevent the further procreation of little B-Dubyas.

I too never wanted children and couldn't imagine dealing with the responsibility. But by being a little careless I got pregnant and although hard work it is the most amazing thing in the world and couldn't imagine my life without my kids. My whole world now revolves around my son and daughter. God is smart and does work in mysterious ways. I do agree that children are not for everyone and that is truly a personal decision to make.

I am 30 and I would not ever say my son was an accident, but he was certainly a surprise. I was told I could't have kids, so was set in my head I didn't want any either. Now I just can't imagine what I did before my wonderful 4 year old son!!! If we had waited until we were ready, we would never have done it. We didn't know how we would ever afford it, but it's easier than you think. You do what you have to do to get your kids what they need. I love being a mom!!

just to clarify my earlier post

We aren't waiting untill we get that feeling, that, yes, we are ready now. There are actually a couple of trips we want to go on childless, and a couple of concerts we want to see, I'm thinking, based on our financial situation that it'll take us 3 or 4 years to accomplish a few of our selfish goals.

See it's all quite scientific.

I just don't want to feel (or have my husband feel) like we missed somthing. Your only young once

I am 29 and have been with my husband for 8 years. Up until 3 months ago a could not even "think children". One day my husband said, I think I made a mistake and you might be pregnant. I felt suprisingly elated. I wasn't. But since then we've been actively trying, and I think I am now. I am not 100% ready, but I 100% want it.

Growing up, I knew that I wanted kids. I even had a little notebook with first and middle names that I liked. I got older, and the notebook disappeared. My sophomore year of college came around, and so did my daughter. I always thought of having kids when I was married and stable, but that didn't happen. Now I have three kids, and have never been married. I wouldn't trade my kids for the world. I can't imagine life without them.

I have to say I'm on the "don't want them" side of this discussion. I'm 29 and single. I've never wanted a child and really don't understand the desire to have one. I've broken off a couple of relationships with guys who thought that I might change my mind. This is one thing that for me, is not negotiable.

My wife and I love kids - we always have. That's exactly why we waited unti our late 20's to have our own and that's why we stopped with 3. Too soon and I would have still been in grad school and wouldn't have the time to spend with them. Too many and we might not be able to give each one the attention we wanted to give.

We now have three grandchildren and we still love kids. Besides playing with the grandkids we also volunteer for the nursurey at church (some people look at me a little strange . . . a 50+ guy rollinig on the floor with toddlers but, hey, toddlers are people too!!).

My point is this: just because someone chooses to wait doesn't mean they hate kids or they're too selfish to share their time with kids. Is it selfish to want to finish college? No. Is it selfish to want to broaden your mind through travel? No. Is it selfish to want some measure of financial stability for your new family? Of course not!

The knowledge and experience you gain while waiting are just some of the many gifts you will pass on to your children.

Don't let anyone rush you just because you don't fit their stereotype of the all-American family.

I always wanted children but couldn't have them. Finally adopted. It is such hard work and a complete joy. Your life is definitely never the same. If you don't want children, please do as Redsfan suggested - whatever it takes to prevent pregnancy. Parenting is not something you do - it is an entire life and lifestyle change.

Waldensouth, that reminded me of something my mom told me when I was attempting to tell her how I felt after my son was born. Parenting is not something you do, a parent is something you are and always will be.

I wish more people were smart enough to realize, then stict to their convictions thta children are not for everyone. I do not begrudge someone for choosing to "have or not to have." However, both sides need to respect the others decision.

I remember being badged by "well meaning" individuals as to when we were going to have children....back off! Then of course there are those with multiple children whom others say are crazy.

Whatever your convictions are, yes, you can stick by them, but also be open enough to realize that what you want at 25 may not be what you want (or get) at 35, etc....

I agree. I have one child and am 30, I can't tell you how often people tell me I 'have' to have more. I don't think I could handle more than one. I don't think anyone has the right to tell me I need more. Some people don't want and probably shouldn't have more. I would get my tubes tied now, but like you said I may change my mind in a few years so I will wait until I am sure to do any medical procedure. I can TOTALLY see both sides of this one. Either way, you have to do what is best for you.