My 16 old year 10th grade niece is pregnant. I usually keep my opinion to myself unless asked for it but could not hold it any longer. My parents have basically raised my sister's kids - they are 18 and 16 as my sister has - lets just say - issues. Finally the kids are almost old enough to be out of the house and my niece gets pregnant. My niece plans on continuing to go to school and be involved in extra-circular stuff, sports etc as if nothing has changed. I question who will keep the baby while my niece is school - my sister says she will keep it and also work two or 3 jobs to cover the expenses. She has a hard time keeping one job. My sister is on her 3 marriage and it is not headed in the right direction. I know that my parents will end raising this child also - watching it while my niece is at school and pulling more and more out of their pocket. My dad is "trying" to retire. I had a frank conversation with my sister and said my niece and all involved need to get realistic - my niece needs to get her GED and a job and then she can go to college once the baby and the situation is more at hand. The father is 17 and has no means to support the child nor does his family. My sister and niece are playing house with this and consider this a good thing. I do not think 10th graders having unplanned children is a good thing and they need to realize it. Am I being unreasonable? I love and will support my niece but can't be all smiles.

You are not being unreasonable at all. This is not a speed bump in the road for this young lady. It is a baby. Nor is it a speed bump for the father. Both of them need to get a grip on reality, suck it up and get jobs to support their family. No they don't need to get married if that is not in the cards, but the father has a responsibility to support this child, as does the mother. Extra- circular-----sorry, any 'extra' activities need to revolve around this unborn baby. Yes, support them, yes, love them, but also make them realize this is their child, not yours, your sisters nor your parents.

She does not need to quit school. They can survive and be normal students or as close to normal as they can be. My wife is a health maintenance manager for our early hear start. See if you have one in your area. They are commited to keeping kids in school by offering a place for the babies, assistance before the baby is born. I have seen how well this program works. Yes the 16 yr old made a mistake but it is not one that has to ruin her life. It may have some set backs but there is hope. I have a 13 yr old and I hope I never have to go through this and I dont know how I would handle it but I am happy there is some assistance. This is at no cost the the mother or the family.

your right - there are options out there without quitting school, but I am frustrated with them believing this will be a sacrifice free issue and everyone should be happy about this. My real frustration comes for my parents because they will be the ones with the burden as they continue to be drained financially. Their option I realize that - but as my sister says she will take care of this - I know it will be my parents.

If ever a situation cried out for adoption, this is one. Have they considered giving the baby up for adoption into a loving, stable, two-parent household?

Another option for your niece to consider is adoption. There are literally thousands of childless married couples who are ready and able to give the baby the love and support s/he will need.

I'm not going to offer any advice, I don't know if I can, but I can tell you that this situation is very familiar to me.

My sister was 15 when she had my nephew. Luckily she had him in August, so the later part of her pregnancy she was out of school. To this day most people I went to high school with didn't know she had a baby (outside the "circle").

The father was a complete dirt bag, and was not in the picture. My parents had my sister stay at a home for pregnant teenagers, it was at the hospital where my step-mom worked. They were able to help my sister for the last three months (I'll never forget that my sister moved into that place on my 18th birthday). Since he was born, my nephew stayed at the father's parents house, with the parents taking care of him. My sister was going to put him up for adoption, until the father's parents said that they would take care of him (their option).

The situation was a mess, but it has got a lot better. My sister is now 22 (will be 23 in September). Soon she will take over as guardian of my nephew. She never quit school, or any of the "extra" stuff that made her a high schooler. She had a job and everything else too. My nephew would come and visit for a weekend, a week, etc., and my sister would get to see him then.

Incidently my sister is now an Ultrasound tech at a local hospital. She said last week she scanned a 15 year old girl that was pregnant. She was shocked at how young the girl was.... and wondered if the Ultrasound tech that scanned her was thinking the same thing.

Things will work out. Your niece will eventually learn lessons and "grow-up". Things could always be worse, and I wouldn't trade my nephew for the world (he calls me "uncle jon")

I have to agree with pbrinker and magic banker on this one.

Unfortunately, the child WILL suffer. Every child wants to be 'normal' in a home with both a mommy and a daddy. And no 15 year old child is ready to be a parent. period.

Yes, there are infinite variations that keep children with their birth parent or some other relative, and all kinds of circumstances that contribute to each individual case. I'm not debating anyone's specific situation. But I think the best thing that can happen here is for someone to talk that child into giving her child the best she can...a real family thru adoption.

Just my opinion, folks. Please don't stomp all over me for it.

In montana we have a group called young families, which teaches the High school aged parents how to care for their baby and life situations with a baby. This can be taken as a full day course with full day credits which includes the required subjects. Basically an alternative school, except they still recieve a regular diploma from their regular High school. They also will care for the baby if the student opts for the half day schedule. There are lots of resources for young mothers and this would be some options for her. At this age she would also be eligible for state assistance.

Please, encourage them to consider adoption and give this innocent child a right to a more normal home life with two parents who are ready and willing to take care of a new baby. Why keep the baby? Because it is "hers"? What a difficult like they all have in front of them. Adoption would allow the child to have a stable home life and give the teenagers the ability to move on with their live, knowing they made one of the greatest sacrifices of all.

If not, and your parents decide to raise this child, so be it, it is their decision. Help out when you can and make sure the baby receives the best love and care.

Good luck.

I think it is sad that babies continue to have babies with all the birth control available in this day and age. I was a first time mom at the age of 35 and it is a lot of work at my age to raise a child and I have my fiance there raising my child with me. I just don't think a 16 year old is capable or ready for that kind of responsibility.

I hope that she makes the right decision for all involved, especially that child. I wish her the best of luck.

After I had my conversation with my sister on this she called my brother to say I was not supporting my niece. He pretty much reiterated my concerns - my sister then went to my niece and told her that neither my brother nor me supported her. Like I said she has issues. Not sure how upsetting my niece helped the situation. Anyway - my brother and I have both tried to contact my neice to let her know we support her and love her but my sister has blocked all messages from us to her. Not sure what to do at this point to unspin the spin my sick sister has out on this - she relishes all this negative energy.

thanks for the couch BOL!

I am an adopted child. My mother was also 16 when she became pregnant. I am grateful that she didn't believe in abortion, and also that she knew that she was not in a position to raise a child. Now, the reason for my going anon. My daughter got pregnant and placed the baby for adoption. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, but it was the right decision at that point in her life. She was devastated for quite some time and questioned herself, but has made peace with the decision. I hope you have an opportunity to talk to your neice and let her know that you love her no matter what.

Probably the BEST thing she could do is give the kid up for adoption. She clearly doesn't have the decision making skills required to be a parent.
Give the kid a chance at a decent life and give it up for adoption.

This is a very difficult situation but I have to say that even now, when my daughter is grown and gone, that if anyone in my family were in this situation and the baby was going to be put up for adoption I would take it first. I couldn't bear to have one of "our babies" raised outside of our family, even if it were a niece of nephew. Just typing this made me cry at the thought. I couldn't bear that to happen.

And it has happened in my family, to my sister's daughter. My sister has stood on her head to make sure her daughter finished high school and got some training, that her grandchild (now 6) has what she needs, etc. And yes, I have helped out financially whenever I could. They don't live close enough for me to help other than financially. But Katie is one of ours, and we take care of ours. Just my family's opinion!

I agree with Kaybee. I have a 16 year old step-daughter and if she were to get pregnant, I would step in and raise the baby so Addy could finish school and get the education she needs to be able to provide for the child.

For some individuals, including myself, adoption is the only way to have the miracle of a child in their life. My son is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me and the individuals involved will certainly never ever be forgotten by anyone in my family. I respect anyone who chooses to make that decision, on both sides, and hope that people understand that adoption in itself is a miracle. I pray that the right decision will be made, whatever that decision is. Adoption would certainly be a blessing for someone out there should that be the choice made.