My mother in law is dying. She had a tumor removed from her colon in August and the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes. Doc says there are tumors growing all over her liver and pancreas. She is currently living at my sister in law's house. The hospice nurses said last week that, although she has stopped eating, she still had some time, because she was still engaging in conversation and was interested. They said you know the end is coming when the patient withdraws from communication.

Well, yesterday, when MOML talked with her and his sister on the phone, he said she was really bad and is starting to withdraw. Death in the family is always hard, but it just seems harder at Christmas. And I feel as if we are hovering, on hold, as we await the inevitable.

Thank you in advance for your prayers and kind thoughts to help us through this difficult time.

You and your family are in my prayers.

I'm so sorry. The best advise I can give is to stay strong... I'm going through something similer right now, and I know how hard it can be. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

So sorry to hear that. Prayers for you and your family.

Nanwa - I can relate to your situation. My mother-in-law passed away 3 years ago from liver cancer. She was diagnosed in Feb. and passed away in April. My husband and I brought supper over to their house every night for those two months during the week and on the weekends his sister would come and stay. Those times were actually some of the best times we all shared in the 20+ years that I have been a part of their family. Part of your grieving process is occurring now and will help you better cope when the actual time comes. Death is always difficult especially around the holidays. Thoughts and prayers are sent your way.

I'm sorry Nanwa. I can't imagine being in your spot right now, and I pray for strength for you and your family, and comfort for her.

Every day, the pain and discomfort is new to her, due to her altzheimer's disease. Both MOML and his sister think it is a blessing she will go relatively quickly with the cancer, rather than linger for years with the altzheimers. But...it ain't easy either way.

I serve as a constant reminder that they will survive this: I lost both my parents and a grandmother over 5 months when I was 18. But, they feel so bad, that surviving doesn't sound like a good thing right now. I wish I had the magic words to make it all better.

Nanwa, does your sister-in-law have hospice coming in to help with your MIL? If so, they have a brochure available that lists things to look for when the end is near. My mom passed away almost two years ago and the brochure was pretty accurate with the order of things. If you want to discuss in private, please feel free to PM me.

I lost my husband to colon cancer in September 2004 - 3 weeks to the day of diagnosis. He had been extremely angry and hostile for 6 months prior to diagnosis. I put him back in the hospital on Sunday evening, and went back to the hospital to check on him Monday morning. He didn't want me there - at all - and insisted that I go back to work because my Mondays are so hectic. He died less than 30 minutes after I left the hospital. In hindsight I realize that he said his goodbyes to my 7 yo daughter and my teenage sons and me on Sunday - then he became withdrawn and just wanted to be left alone. His saving grace was that he didn't have to suffer for months on end when it was apparent that he was in the final stages of his cancer. I do believe that the person that is terminally ill 'knows' that their time has come. My prayers of understanding and comfort to you and your family during the difficult days ahead.

I am (as always) praying for you.

SarahH, yes, hospice nurses were recently scheduled to come in three days a week, but I don't know if that has increased. They have discussed much with my SIL, who passes it on to MOML. We are 7 hours away. SIL insisted on taking Ma to her house, and would not allow MOML and I to take her with us for a month to relieve her. So, I hope the hospice nurses are helping ease this burden she insists on carrying herself.

We found hospice to be very helpful and supportive not only for my mom but for the rest of us as well. They even did some follow-up with my dad after my mom passed. I will pray for your family.

My wife lost her mother to leukemia 18 years ago today. She was 18 at the time and I remember feeling so helpless because there was nothing I could do....

You and your family are in my prayers.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Prayers to you and your family. 8 years ago my dad was hospitalized on December 16th and never came back home. It was my hardest Christmas especially since I had a 6 year old that I had to make Christmas joyous. I remember locking my self in the bedroom and crying. It's still hard knowing that his last Christmas was in a hospital. I hope your MIL can remain at home and perhaps even with the Alzhiemer, find some joy for all of you. It is definately a trying time of the year to have such saddness. My thoughts are with you and yours.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, I have been there and the hardest part is "allowing" the one you love to let go. I watched my mom die slowly for 3 months 7 years ago and it was hard, it was a year after my cancer surgery. Many times I would tell her it was ok to let go, Daddy (her husband) was waiting for her. For awhile she'd ask where she was going and we would drop it but toward the end she just smiled. The day she died I told her again it was ok, I would be fine and Daddy was waiting for her. She died within minutes - she had held on until I came. Be strong and know that you are in all our prayers

Nanwa, I am so sorry. I understand how you feel as my future MIL passed last year around Thanksgiving of the same awful illness. It is so hard to watch them dwindle away, as you say, waiting for the inevitable.

So sorry to hear that Nanwa- prayers and thoughts go out to you and your family. God Bless you all!

MOML ran up to Minnesota this weekend (14 hour round trip) to see Ma. The hospice counselors gave him and his sister information on what to expect. Right now, Ma seems to be in the one to two weeks left phase; not walking, not eating, not communicating much, hardly opening her eyes. I hope she makes it to Christmas, so the whole family will be together for support.

The wait is over. Ma passed away this morning at 3 AM. MOML and I have been up since then talking, crying, hugging, remembering. He insisted I come into work today, since it is my last scheduled day for the year, and he will be spending most of the day on the phone with his sister finalizing the arrrangements.

He is handling this as well as can be expected; he is grieving, but he is also relieved that her pain and the altzhemiers is gone. We discussed the differences and similarities between his parents and mine; I lost mine within a month of each other when I was 18; he lost his parents within 4 months of each other at age 54.

Thank you all for your kind thoughts, prayers and words of support. They are appreciated more than you know.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Nanwa. Take care of yourself and your husband during these sad times. Know that your friends on BOL are with you.

I am sorry to hear that Nanwa. My thoughts are with you and your family.

So sorry Nanwa. Please know that I will be praying for you and your husband.

Nanwa ... ((((hugs)))).

Prayers of comfort for you & MOML. You've had a tough year and you've continued to be in my prayers.