Women and Men - Apples & Wine

Posted By: Princess Romeo

Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 04/30/05 06:54 PM

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.......The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shi# out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 04/30/05 06:57 PM

LOL Bonnie. Pretty rough but hysterical nonetheless...
Posted By: Bones

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 02:39 PM

Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 02:48 PM

Women are like motor oil. you should change them every three months or three thousand miles. (I'm gonna get destroyed for saying that, but maybe it'll get some laughs too!)
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 02:50 PM

They're also like cars. The more exotic they look the more maintenance and money you'll need. Get a reliable car that no one will steal and you'll be happy for life...
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 02:55 PM

I've been stomping the $%#% out of mine for some time now, and I'm getting tired... When do I get my results?
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 03:04 PM

An0n... bad An0n.
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 03:21 PM

Posted By: Fraudman CFCI

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 08:17 PM

After watching all of the ads on evening television, women have far more maladies than men. One in three suffers from incontinence, others get osteoporosis, have gas and bloating after eating (so much for that dinner, have arthritis or a host of other medical problems.

On the other hand, there seem to be three primary ads directed towrd males. These are for temporary relief of ED. I think I would prefer having gas.
Posted By: bluebanker

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 08:52 PM

Well maybe if women fixed themselves up every once in a while and took care of themselves, men wouldn't need all of these drugs!

(Figured I'd be crucified right next to An0n)
Posted By: beaconpaul

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 09:03 PM

In reference to the ones that need all that maintenance and money. does that mean you should drive the car your mechanic drives? Can't that be dangerous?
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/02/05 09:05 PM

Depends on how friendly your mechanic is. Also, if you can find a similar model (like a sister) you can not only find reliability, but you can get your car fixed for free too!
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:02 PM

Ohhhhh....
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:04 PM

I'm such a bad person...
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:06 PM

Quote:

I'm such a bad person...




And you gloat about it, too.
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:08 PM

Hmm.... I must be a guy. ... Yep, I'm a guy!
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:11 PM

Quote:

Hmm.... I must be a guy. ... Yep, I'm a guy!




You had to check???
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 01:12 PM

well... not really but...
Posted By: Raiderette

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 04:18 PM

Quote:

Quote:

Hmm.... I must be a guy. ... Yep, I'm a guy!




You had to check???



LOL, DQ... That's why I like you. You state the obvious..
Posted By: MB Guy

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 04:46 PM

OK, one of the meanest bumper stickers I have seen:

Men age like wine, women age like milk.

<ducks for cover and runs out of the room......>
Posted By: Big Dog

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 05:51 PM

When the woman turns 40, trade her in for 2 20's
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 05:56 PM

Most of you aren't wired for 2-20!
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 05:58 PM

Doesn't seem to stop us though does it?
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:01 PM

Heck, most of you can't even handle one 40!
Posted By: Big Dog

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:06 PM

One 40 is easy. That's only 2x per year, at most.
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:08 PM

Speaking of numbers, why do men rate women on number scales and women rate men like sides of beef?
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:29 PM

Huh?
Posted By: Raiderette

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:42 PM

Quote:

Huh?




I agree. I don't get it either...
Posted By: MB Guy

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 06:43 PM

Quote:

Heck, most of you can't even handle one 40!




Lol, I think it's more of a question of "wanting" vs. "being able" lolol
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 07:28 PM

Ok, I'll explain. I've heard women rating guys like "He's 100% Grade A Choice" or "Ew, he's like hamburger meat!" Where as My friends and I rate women via a 1-10 number scale, 10 being the best. Though I once met an 11... she got away....
Posted By: Clown Boy

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 07:41 PM

I totally understand AnOn, but I go by the Tequilla scale (how many shots of tequilla before I'll take them home) where 1 is the best and 10 is pretty bad.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 07:52 PM

Quote:

Ok, I'll explain. I've heard women rating guys like "He's 100% Grade A Choice" or "Ew, he's like hamburger meat!" Where as My friends and I rate women via a 1-10 number scale, 10 being the best. Though I once met an 11... she got away....




I don't think I've ever heard the term "hamburger meat" for a guy, but I've heard "chopped liver" a few times.
Posted By: An0n

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 07:56 PM

I think they're talking about our butts...
Posted By: GuitarDude

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 08:16 PM

Quote:

Most of you aren't wired for 2-20!




220, 221... whatever it takes.
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/03/05 08:57 PM

It was an inside joke with me and my friends, but we always used Cave Troll, Troll and Sled Dog. Sled Dog being the hottest, of course...

Ahhh high school...Juvenility at its sophomoric best! Well, unless you count undergrad!
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/04/05 12:06 PM

An0n, I have never used the term"meat" when referencing a guy. "Yummy" maybe, but never meat...
Posted By: Retired DQ

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/04/05 05:08 PM

Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him down for a little fireside chat..... He says, Jack, let me tell you something.

On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here -try these on.' So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear them.' So I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.' Ever since that night we have never had any problems." "Hmmm," says Jack. He thinks that might be a good thing to try."

So, on his honeymoon, Jack takes off his pants and says to Jill, "Here try these on." So she does and says, "These are too large; they don't fit me."

So Jack says, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."

Then Jill takes off her pants, hands them to Jack and says, "Here you try on mine." So he does and says, "I can't get into your pants."

Then Jill says, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smarta$$ attitude, you never will."

Remember that, boys!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/04/05 05:59 PM

Shortest Fairy Tale Ever:

Man asks woman to marry him.

Woman says no.

Man lives happily ever after.
Posted By: CRAatBOK

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 01:10 AM

DQ, that was great. Must be that women's lib stuff they were refering to in the Runnaway Bride thread.
Posted By: rlcarey

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 01:14 AM

Why some men prefer guns over women:


Top 10 Reasons why some Men prefer Guns over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's handgun and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you keep another
handgun for a backup.

#6. Your handgun will stay with you even if you run out of
ammo.

#5. A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Handguns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A handgun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use
it.

And the number one reason a handgun is favored over a
woman:

#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A HANDGUN
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 05:31 AM

oooooh Randy, you're gonna get it!
Posted By: Princess Romeo

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 06:56 AM

Here's a whole litany of why [name your object] is betten than [men/women]:

"Better Than lists

And More "Better Than" lists
Posted By: rlcarey

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 11:48 AM

Well notice it says "some" men. Trust me, I'm not one of them. I'll take my wife any day over anything!!!
Posted By: RR Jen

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 01:21 PM

Quote:

Well notice it says "some" men. Trust me, I'm not one of them. I'll take my wife any day over anything!!!




Good try...
Posted By: Queen Mum

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 04:58 PM

You've heard the saying that "women are like ovens and men are like microwaves" haven't you - women are slow to warm up and men are instantly turned on!
Posted By: Anonymous

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 05:20 PM

no I never heard that before.
Posted By: HRH Dawnie

Re: Women and Men - Apples & Wine - 05/05/05 08:08 PM

Men....can't live with 'em, can't chop them into tiny pieces and stuff them down the disposer without having to wear horrizontal stripes