9 month old doesn't sleep...desparate for advice!

Disclaimer: I have no children.

However, my sister-in-law and brother (heavily sleep deprived until the past month) HIGHLY recommend the suggestions and routines in the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". They are recommending it to everyone (even me, and I have no kids!) LOL Thought I'd pass that on, FWIW.

Good luck, and I hope that everyone gets more sleep soon.

I'll have to check that book out....thanks!

You're very welcome. My gorgeous niece is 6 1/2 months old and sleeping through the night, every night, for just over a month. Mom and Dad are thrilled; the baby is definitely happier, calmer, and more alert. A success story for sure. Can't hurt to take a look at whatever this author has to say.

:tiptoes out so PQ can grab a quick nap!

That is a VERY good book. We used it on our girls and then when we moved I think I gave it to a friend. It was well worth the money.

Well last night we let him cry during the night for the first time. He woke up once and we went in to make sure he didn't have a mess (I thought I smelled something when I checked in on him when I went to bed but didn't want to disturb bim). So, the first time he cried, we wanted to make sure that he didn't need a change. The next time he awoke (I think around 2:30), we let him go and he only cried for about 10 minutes and apparently fell back asleep. I have what you would call a benefit. I'm deaf in my left ear so if I lay on my right side, a lot of noise is blocked out so when he started to cry, I just switched to my right side so it was muffled. Anyway, I did buy that book at y'all suggested. Went right to the chapter on 5-12 months and basically said we NEED to let him learn to self-soothe. We'll try it again tonight and see what happens....

Let him cry last night, he did twice for about 10 minutes each time but yet again, did fall back asleep on his own. We're making progress, I'm getting a little more sleep, life is good.

Great, PQ! I'm sure this will clear itself up in no time.

Awesome PQ. You will be suprised how fast he gets the hang of it.

Yippee!!! In no time, he'll be 20.

And then she'll be up for different reasons.

Well, this week has been good, I don't want to jinx it! We've heard him a few times during the night but are able to let it go and he's put himself back to sleep.

Great job, PQ!

I'm glad to hear it. I know it's such a relief.

Pizza Queen . . . just wanted an update on how your 9-month old is sleeping through the night. Still waking up or has letting him cry himself back to sleep been the answer? I have a 9-month old who is still getting up 2-3x a night and it's wearing me out. Just wondering what "tricks" worked for you.

PQ...I hate you (Ok my 1 year old was up...ummm....gad I can't count it anymore but perhaps 6 times last night?)

Those sleep books always peeve me off because after you get into them a few chapters, they have this "special chapter" that says...basically...if your child is special needs, or chronically/seriously ill, burn this book, it won't help at all. (My poor friends who spent money on these books probably didn't read that before giving them to me).

But if your child is "normal" they can be helpful. I have a good one right here CSB1 called "Solve your child's sleep problems" which was used with great success by three of my girlfriends (but didn't do goober for me). It's the only one I haven't burned while up late at night

If you want to save some money, I can look up your darling's issues in the book for you and let you know what it says in a nutshell

Is your sweetie waking up to eat? To cuddle? To play? Wet diaper?

LOL Dawnie. I felt like an a$$ when I first posted this b/c of what you've been going through and I should consider myself lucky! CSB, what ultimately worked for us was letting him cry/scream himself back to sleep (it only took a week but felt like months)! Parent patience is required! Although a couple of weeks ago he started to wake up again, but them I noticed he had 2 teeth that had popped through next to his 2 front ones so I think that was why. So, to summarize, if your baby takes a binky, put several in the crib, put on some background noise in your room and let him/her cry it out!Good luck, keep me posted!

I think she's just used to getting up at certain times during the night. I've been trying not to feed her, and when I do it's only a couple of ounces to satisfy her thirst. Just when I'm to the point of trying to let her cry herself back to sleep, she either gets a cold, has an ear infection or is teething. I feel so bad letting her cry it out when she's not feeling well. I think I just need to be a lot stronger when it comes to this. Half the time I'm so tired and need my sleep that I'd rather get up with her for 10-15 minutes than let her cry for minutes on end.

Ahhh so the issue is you're weak? Let me find that chapter....

Chapter 7 (This also happens to be the chapter where they blow me off because of a chronic illness mind you...but for you, I'll read it again)

Your child's sleep may be distrubed at night because of medical problems. Certainly any acute illness or condition, expecially with fever or discomfort, can disrupt sleep patterns temporarily. (ok that's where you have to leave off because it then says....issues like teething pain, colds, ear infections, etc., are TEMPORARY and do not cause sleep problems that go on week after week. (Feel like they're blowing you off too?) It then says that sleep issues are normally NOT caused by illness, but if you have chronic issues, be sure to rule them out with your doctor. (Or spend a year doing it with doctors all over the country as I have)

We had best change chapters now...this one is starting to peeve you off huh?

We need to answer a couple more questions before we can find a helpful chapter

When your sweetie wakes at night;

Is it a regular (pretty much) time schedule (ie 2:30, 4:30, 6:00 etc) or does it vary significantly.

When she does fall to sleep, does she do it on her own in her bed? Or do you hold her, rock her, swing, etc., to get her to sleep? If you answered "she falls asleep in her bed on her own" good for you. If you answered anything else...do you then repeat this pattern (swing, holding, etc.,) to get her back to sleep during the night?

You've been trying not to feed her...how many times a night does she take "a couple of ounces?" Again, is it on that regular schedule, or irregularly?

Editorial comment: I'm way past sleeping babies. Except grans and The Handbook of Good Grandparenting says "...you can do whatever you want for as long as you want to get them to sleep 'cause moma gets 'um back tomorrow!" but that's a different story.

Anyway, reading Dawnie's last few posts, especially the one above, brings back warm fuzzies of the wonderful way you have with words, my northern friend. Glad things have smoothed out a bit in your world and you're able to join us back here in ours. You've been missed!

TR, I was thinking the same thing. My boys are grown men now and (now feel sorry for me) no grandkids yet. But I do remember those days - now it's just my hubbie getting up 2,3 4 times a night to pee!!!!!

And I also agree, it's so good to hear from Dawnie!!!

She is usually waking at the same times every night (12:30, 3:30 and 5:00) -- sometimes she will skip the wakeup at 12:30.

At bedtime, I usually rock her with a bottle until it's gone and then lay her in her crib. She's never fully asleep when I lay her in there. If she wakes up in the middle of the night I try to rub her leg or something to get her to fall back asleep. Lately I've been bringing her into bed with me (I know, a VERY bad habit) and she'll usually fall back asleep right away.

I've been trying not to feed her every time she wakes up. I usually try some water first . . . but she seems to know that it's not formula and will cry until she gets that bottle. I've been trying to wean her off of it, by just giving her an ounce or two.

Any tips you can give would surely help. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in nine months. (Although you must be more sleep deprived than me given what you've been going through).

You guys (ok gals) are sweet I've missed being Dawnie too! We're still not there 100% but I can see a light at the end of our long tunnel

So CSB1, let me consult the book again...hummmmmm...hummmm...oh wait that's not a book it's a crystal ball (and it says you're daughter will date a boy who drives a van when she's 17 if you aren't careful) but back to the book

Couple of ideas...First they discuss a favorite blanket or transitional toy (stuffed toy) as a good idea for babies who have difficulty waking at night. I have actually recently found that this helps up somewhat (he'll wake and hug his cuddle buddy and fall asleep). Because your baby is 9 months, you have to decide how you feel about toys in bed (SIDS and all that stuff) but we've had a toy in the bed since he could turn his head away from it and it has been valuable to us when we're at hospital (the nurses gave me the idea). Our toy used to only come to hospital with us as well as a special blanket. I found that he likes that blanket best and use it now when he goes down to sleep (in a swing because of the tube which sucks) but when I take him out of the swing and cover him in bed with the blanket, he reaches for it and calms easily. The book suggests that when you cuddle with the bottle before bed, you incorporate either a special blanket or toy (soft, stuffed and not too big) and then put that in bed so at night if they wake they can find it. It might help sooth them back to sleep.

In going to her and holding her (taking her to your bed, etc) you're making her associate the need for an adult presence to fall back asleep. When that presence is missing, she wails until she gets it, then settles down quickly (sounds like it anyhoo). This is why the blanket, toy idea might help out. But you also have to be strong and remove the association somewhat.

Another issue is her need for a bottle. Believe me honey...I've been down the feeding nightmare road, and the bad news (and maybe good for you) is that it's not really abnormal for a nine month old to need to eat once during the night. The book suggests that you schedule this feeding, and make it a real feeding, somewhere ahead of that first average waking (for instance wake her up at 11:30 and give her a full bottle if she'll take it). Waking her before she wakes naturally can reset her body clock and a full tummy might help with the other wakings.

I'd give that a shot first and see how it goes in a week's time. See if the issue is a real hunger issue or if it's something else. When you feed her this bottle, you might try it on her back in her crib (if she has never had issues with apnea). Don't do a great deal of touching, aside from holding the bottle. This removes the adult association somewhat and makes the waking about food and nothing else. For us, this technique has reduced the amount of time Jesse stays awake when he eats (we feed him no matter when he wants it, day or night because of his need to get the calories in, but that's not an issue for you so don't get into that habit!). Jesse drinks what he wants, and then grabs his binkie and rolls over. I cover him with the blanket and he does fall back asleep on his own.

If this technique works for you, you can assume it's a "food" issue most likely. There's a whole chapter on how to wean her off that earlier feeding as well, but it's step two for you, not step one. See how the above works for a week and while it sucks!!! Don't take her back to bed with you if you can avoid it. It's better to get up and stand next to the crib for this week if you have to, than making that adult contact. (Not better for you this week of course....I'll be frank and say it sucks) but in the long run it might make the next 400 weeks better

Actually that's two techniques to try, but they work well together If they don't work for you, we can advance to additional chapters (although I must tell you that I read the part of the book that says one year olds sleep 14 hours a day again and had to rip that page out, so we will have to fix your darling before she needs page 52).

Dawnie . . . thank you so much for the advice! While it's going to be hard for me not to go in there and pick her up (I mainly do it so I can get back to sleep faster), I know it has to be done. I may look like a zombie this week at work, but if I can get her to sleep through the whole night it will be work it. By the way, what is the name of the book you keep referencing?

Oh dear this is a slow reply! SO does your darling sleep yet CSB? The book is "Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems" by Richard Ferber MD.

Mind you, Jesse is still up every two hours...so please lie to me and say you're awake too? heh heh (really I do hope she's sleeping better by now!)

Dawnie, you're not alone. She had started sleeping through the night for about a week and then she got an ear infection and a cold and it was back to getting up twice a night. At eleven months she is still waking up at least once a night. At this point, I'm just ready to let her cry herself back to sleep (is that in the book?)

By the way, love the picture of little Jesse!

Thanks CSB And I guess once is better than several times. The book says that when they're ill with teeth, ear infections, cold's etc., do what you have to do, but when they're over (and they do end) get back into the routine asap.

They also say that if your child self sooths (cries etc) for less than half an hour, you're fine to ignore them. Poke your head in every 10 to 15 mins is it does not let up or the volume increases, and after that poke your head in and make sure they're ok, but don't pick them up.

Because we wake the little guy up every two to three hours (not that we have to...he's always ready to get up) I ignore the "inbetween" wakings if he's eaten 4oz within an hour. He tends to cry for 5 to 10 mins top and then go back to sleep. I can't tell you I'm asleep then...but it's easier to lay and listen than to actually get up every time. It hasn't hurt him yet so, go ahead and give it a try...my promise to you is, she won't break :p (You may, but she won't)