A good friend sent me this email for a chuckle or two:


It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart

The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

A fool and his money can throw one heck of a party.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Five days a week my body is a temple; the other two it's an amusement park.

Learn from your parents' mistakes: Use birth control

Money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch.

Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.

If at first you don't succeed skydiving is not for you

Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to create reproductive organs.

Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.

Why is a politician like a banana? First he's green, then he turns yellow and then he's rotten.

I think congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.