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#1296107 - 12/01/09 03:31 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 17,410
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oh good. I got a out of you. I can only imagine how much this must bug and even hurt you. Saying 'I'm allergic to kids' doesn't make people laugh and back off, does it? Best of luck to you in holding the inconsiderate people at bay.
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#1296108 - 12/01/09 03:31 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 10,392
Curled up by the fire...
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Sometimes, you just have to be blunt and to the point, sista. I let it be known years ago that I would never have children. I was pregnant once and miscarried and though I was torn up over it, it was truly a blessing. I guess having that little stint made people not ask me so much anymore. But I bet if you pushed back enough on the issue, they would stop. It usually only takes once to get the point across.
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Take responsibility for your life.
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#1296117 - 12/01/09 03:37 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Mrs. Rizzo
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10K Club
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 20,656
The Swamp
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Get a t-shirt: "Just say NO... to kids"...(jk) My son knows how I feel about it. He'll never have any pressure from me for g'kids...even if he is my one and only. In fact, I'm the opposite of most..I'm more likely to try and talk folks OUT of having them! Please don't take that the wrong way..I do love my son...that's not the point at all.
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My opinion only. Not legal advice. Say you'll haunt me - Stone Sour
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#1296136 - 12/01/09 03:48 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
RR Joker
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Nov 2002
Posts: 598
Flushing, NY
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And here's the really bad part -- it never ends just because you've had the kids. Now, people say to me "You must be dying for grandchildren...When do you think your son will get married, is he seeing anyone.. Why doesn't he want to get married?" The answers are Yes, I don't know, It's really not up to me --Geez
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It really doesn't matter, no one listens to me anyway.
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#1296140 - 12/01/09 03:50 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
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when the question is posed, start twitching and scream at the top of your lungs 'dum dum diddy!!'
people tend to leave you alone
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#1296371 - 12/01/09 06:02 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Peepers
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,108
gone fishin'
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Ops - I'm in the same position as you. Hubby & I have been married for 10 years & we have 34 nieces & nephews. BELIEVE me - I get the questions all the time. The questions don't really bother me as much as the rumors. I HATE when I'm out sick for one day and everyone at work has decided I'm pregnant. Or I have one craving and I'm all of a sudden pregnant. Can't a girl each some nachos without being questioned? On the flip side - we are not getting pressure from our parents (mostly friends). Our parents feel like they are on vacation every time they come to visit - there are no little ones crawling around everywhere!
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My opinions are my own, and not that of my employer.
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#1296463 - 12/01/09 07:06 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
WonderWoman
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Junior Member
Joined: Feb 2009
Posts: 46
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My husband and I have been married for 30 years and we were asked this same question by family and friends until I was almost 40. I guess at that point people started to realize that we weren't going to have children. My Nana was the only one who never asked us about it. She says she always thought I'd choose not to have children and it's nobody's business.
Unfortunately, there's no one answer that works for every situation. It really depends on the person. With coworkers who didn't know us well, I often responded "Don't you think that's a rather personal question?" That will take care of prying acquaintances. With family, I usually joked "As soon I've saved the $250,000 it takes to raise a child to age 18" or "Shortly after [censored] freezes over."
I have always felt that the oddest thing was that people were always so shocked that we love kids. We have six nieces and nephews that we're crazy about and because we haven't had to support our own kids, we've had the money to take them on trips and give them money for college. For some strange reason, people think if you don't have kids, then you must hate them.
It will be easier for you to handle if you think of these inquiries as coming from people who are good-hearted and so thrilled to be parents, that they wish the same wonderful experience for you and be happy that they're happy with their choice.
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Stupid is not a protected class.
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#1297019 - 12/02/09 04:21 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Sing A Little
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,515
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I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now we are comfortable with just us and our pets. Our dogs really are our kids, and even our parents have started to call them their "Granddoggers" Same here. We actually acquired a new puppy from a 'situation' a couple of weeks ago and my parents came over last night to meet their new granddog. I think he's their new favorite
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The beatings will continue until morale improves...
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#1297075 - 12/02/09 04:44 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Truffle Royale
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10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 19,938
Pulling people out of the ditc...
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try sarcasm...
"well, even thought he sex-change operation was successful, they've yet to be able to add the needed orgams to get me pregnant"
or
"well, ever since he was abducted by aliens, (insert husbands name here) is unable to perform"
If they don't get the hint, just be blunt and tell them it is none of their business
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#1297360 - 12/02/09 07:35 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops
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10K Club
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 13,994
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I'm glad I could help.
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blah
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#1297543 - 12/02/09 09:33 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Sing A Little
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2,108
gone fishin'
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I don't know what the future holds for us, but right now we are comfortable with just us and our pets. Our dogs really are our kids, and even our parents have started to call them their "Granddoggers" I LOVE the term "Granddoggers" . I'm going to have to use that for my doggies
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My opinions are my own, and not that of my employer.
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#1297636 - 12/02/09 10:42 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
WonderWoman
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Jul 2006
Posts: 718
HERE! I'm here!
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Wow Ops, you could have just told me to shut up about it already..... You can blame it on my kids, they work part time as permanent birth control for all non-parents. I have a cousin that's a lot like me, and she used to come up with some pretty dirty one line responses to the same question, but I can't post them in here, I'll get put in trouble.
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The higher up the monkey climbs, the more you see of it's behind.
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#1297747 - 12/03/09 01:52 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
WonderWoman
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Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 5,249
out of the frying pan...
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Ops - I'm in the same position as you. Hubby & I have been married for 10 years & we have 34 nieces & nephews. BELIEVE me - I get the questions all the time. The questions don't really bother me as much as the rumors. I HATE when I'm out sick for one day and everyone at work has decided I'm pregnant. Or I have one craving and I'm all of a sudden pregnant. Can't a girl each some nachos without being questioned? On the flip side - we are not getting pressure from our parents (mostly friends). Our parents feel like they are on vacation every time they come to visit - there are no little ones crawling around everywhere! I'm dealing with this RIGHT NOW. I've been out the last two days with a stomach bug. The veryu first thing out of everyone's mouth: "Are you pregnant?"
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You call it ADD. I call it multi-tasking.
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#1298004 - 12/03/09 04:38 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,331
Hoosier Country
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Ugh, I am so sorry. People are so inconsiderate sometimes. I went through that too for several years, as it took my husband and I a long time to be able to have our child. It always annoyed me to no end that the moment we got married we were getting the "when are you having kids?" questions.
I have a 4 year old daughter now and we're done. We wanted one, we got one and I am not going through that h*ll of infertility again. I am not putting my body through all that.
There is also a stigma attached to having an only child. As soon as we had her, we were being asked when we're having the next one. When I said "we're not", people would make a sour face or say that it's sad, ask "why not?", make comments that my daughter needs a playmate (hello, ever heard of having friends?) and so on.
Right now, my annoyance is when people/strangers ask me "how many kids do you have?" and I say "I have one daughter" and they make a face and say "just one?". Why is she a "just"? She's more than enough for me, thank you! The correct response is "oh, that's nice", not "oh, only one? don't you want more?"
Oops, I apologize for hijacking your post...
My response to those "when are you having kids?" questions (especially during a time when I thought we would never have any) was - "that's between me and my husband and we're honestly not concerned about it".
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CRCM + CAMS = certified compliance nerd
Opinions expressed in these threads are my own and not my employer's.
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#1298014 - 12/03/09 04:47 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Aggs
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10K Club
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 14,390
Cheeseheadland
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We are getting the question now too "when are you all going to adopt, you have been together so long..." Seriously?? uhm, we're too dudes. And then they look at us tilt their haed and smile more. Uhm, newsflash, just because we are two guys together does not mean we have any desire to rush off to China and bring home our own little Xue-li. Ugh. People. I have never had a paternal instict in my life... why do you people think I laced your kids pb&j with cough syrup when I babysat them... 'cause they were better when they were asleep!
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#1298138 - 12/03/09 06:11 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Ops
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10K Club
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 34,318
under the Lone Star
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just insult them right back Beepers, that works for you when I pop off, doesn't it?
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Societies that do not find work in and of itself "pleasing to God and requisite to Man," tend to be highly corrupt.
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#1298210 - 12/03/09 06:54 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Aggs
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10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,965
TN
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I also had one child by choice. I wanted one - and I got one. What I started saying when people said 'oh - you're only going to have one?' - I would tell them that I got exactly what I wanted the first time. Not a nice thing to say - but it shut them up.
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#1298233 - 12/03/09 07:13 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
#Just Jay
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Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,515
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We are getting the question now too "when are you all going to adopt, you have been together so long..." Seriously?? uhm, we're too dudes. And then they look at us tilt their haed and smile more. Uhm, newsflash, just because we are two guys together does not mean we have any desire to rush off to China and bring home our own little Xue-li. Ugh. People. I have never had a paternal instict in my life... why do you people think I laced your kids pb&j with cough syrup when I babysat them... 'cause they were better when they were asleep! LMAO!! You sound ljust like my best friends
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The beatings will continue until morale improves...
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#1298676 - 12/04/09 01:29 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
MadisonCali
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Not to hijack... but I also have one child and I am perfectly happy with that one child...
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#1298691 - 12/04/09 02:00 PM
Re: Advice from those who don't want children, please.
Retired DQ
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,988
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
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My one child is all I can handle! She wanted a little brother - I got her a male puppy!
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My Opinion Only.
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