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#2040954 - 09/28/15 06:35 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Bank Compliance Offline
New Poster
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 22
My sincere sympathy! I lost my husband of 11 years almost 3 years ago; and speaking from experience the hurt never goes away, but you do learn to cope with it!! Being left with 4 small children when he passed away from cancer- I had to change my thinking to "no regrets" If I had to do it over again- I would do it again in a heartbeat for the 11 great years of marriage and the 4 amazing kids we had together!! Keep yourself busy and do what makes you feel better- don't listen to everyone else telling you how to feel! Hugs from one broken heart to another on this crazy emotional journey of being a widow!!

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#2041058 - 09/28/15 09:20 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
waldensouth Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,979
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
Trees, I have no words - only prayers for you that God would wrap His loving arms around you and give you the strength and peace you need. {HUGS}
"Once you learn to read, you will be forever free."

- Frederick Douglass

My Opinion Only.

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#2041085 - 09/28/15 11:21 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
califgirl Offline
Diamond Poster
Joined: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,355
The O.C., California
My condolences on your terrible loss, Trees.
I can explain it to you. I can't understand it for you.

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#2041575 - 09/30/15 06:10 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
basilring Offline
Gold Star
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 296
Spartan Country!
My heart breaks reading your post. I hope you are surrounded by friends and family to help you get through this most difficult time. I know your BOL friends are hear for you. I'm sure your husband is with you as well, always by your side, trying to help you through it. I wish you the peace and strength to get through... but don't be afraid to feel blue or shed a tear when you need to... that's all a part of it.
Everyone should believe in something. I believe I will head for the beach!

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#2041768 - 10/01/15 12:47 AM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
adsgran Offline
New Poster
Joined: Nov 2014
Posts: 14
In a padded room

I read this today and immediately thought of you. I, too, lost my husband unexpectedly 10 years ago. When I read this it spoke volumes.

"I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever someone I love dies, no matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to "not matter". I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and relationship that I had with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to the people who can't see."

"As for grief you will find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You will find some piece of wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive."

"In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch you breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life."

"Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you will find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out."

"Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming, and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come. And you will survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves."

Don't be afraid of the waves that wash over you. My waves reminded me (and still do) of how deeply and fiercely we loved each other. And I pray that you will find peace in those waves.

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#2041876 - 10/01/15 03:45 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Quadspapa Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 3,275
Quadrupletville, Texas
Condolences Trees. I have you on my prayer list.....
"I don''t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - - Will Rogers (still relevant today)

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#2041966 - 10/01/15 07:11 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
KTMiteComply Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 3,298
only if I want to....
Lifting you to the Throne of Heaven Trees...I am so deeply sorry! Praying God will give you strength, peace and comfort! Just as many have already suggested, make sure you try and talk through this trauma whether in a group or a pastor or a confidant...just anybody you can as often as you can so the pressure doesn't overtake you as I can only imagine you feel it wants to. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through...I'm just so sorry! Hugs and prayers to you and your family!
Trust in the Lord with ALL your heart...Prov 3:5-6

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#2042520 - 10/05/15 05:26 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Trees Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,013
Thank you, everyone for taking the time to respond to my post.
I was very lucky to have found my soul mate and I know only too well that many people go their entire lives without finding that special person. Memories of all the time we had together and the special moments we shared as well as my faith and the continued support of family and friends help me get through each day, one step at a time.

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#2042732 - 10/06/15 01:37 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
HRH Okie Banker Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 3,070
Trees, I'm so very, very sorry for your loss. My heart hurts for you and the loss of your husband. Sending lots of prayers for you.
Just working here until I get my letter from Hogwarts.

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#2043209 - 10/07/15 09:05 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Queen Tut Offline
Junior Member
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 41
Trees, I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband of 38 years 10 months ago and unfortunately I can relate to your feelings. Someone shared this with me. Grief never ends, but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith. It is the price of love.

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#2043215 - 10/07/15 09:19 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Skittles Offline
10K Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 13,963
Queen - I'm very sorry for your loss, also.
My Opinions Only

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#2043238 - 10/08/15 12:41 AM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Mary Beth Guard Offline
Platinum Poster
Mary Beth Guard
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 797
Oklahoma City, OK
What an unimaginable loss. To you, Trees, and Queen Tut, and all the rest of you who have experienced heartache and tragedy, please know that we grieve for you, our hearts ache for you, and we hope you find a measure of comfort here. I did not see this thread until this evening. It is such a stark reminder of how unpredictable and fleeting life can be. Take nothing for granted. I am so, so sorry.

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#2043256 - 10/08/15 01:04 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
John Burnett Offline
10K Club
John Burnett
Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 39,544
Cape Cod

I am so sorry to hear of your husband's passing. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
John S. Burnett
Fighting for Compliance since 1976
Bankers' Threads User #8

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#2043321 - 10/08/15 03:34 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
MyBrainHurts Offline
Platinum Poster
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 960
Queen Tut, it looks like you're new to BOL, so welcome, and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you'll find the BOL community to be supportive and caring. What you and Trees are enduring is my greatest fear, as my wife and I have been married 36 years, and yet we know it's inevitable. God bless you, Trees and Bank Compliance, and all the others suffering a similar loss.
I thought getting old would take longer.

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#2044685 - 10/16/15 05:14 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
Trees Offline
Power Poster
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,013
Queen Tut: Thank you for sharing the message with me. How true.
Everyone: your kind words help in immeasurable ways. I hope that you take note of how fleeting life is and make a point of telling your family and those special to you how much you love them and give them a hug. You don't know how much these acts mean until they stop for you.

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#2044773 - 10/16/15 09:04 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
CompliantOkie Offline
Gold Star
Joined: Dec 2013
Posts: 422
I know I hugged my husband a little tighter after hearing your story Trees. If only we would all remember that life is fleeting. Hold precious moments and people close!!

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#2045399 - 10/21/15 03:14 PM Re: Dealing with unbearable sorrow Trees
DD Regs Offline
Power Poster
DD Regs
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 4,132
Somewhere in the middle
Trees and others. So sorry for the pain of loss. May you find some peace in knowing that many care and are praying for you.

Not sure of your religious beliefs, but Paul in Philippians 4 gives some words of advice:

In those passages, verses 6-9 he says, "don't worry about anything, but let your worries be known to God" then he says, "Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise."

Hope these words help. {{hugs}}
I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

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