Thread Options 
|
#430987 - 09/29/05 03:52 PM
Got a situation, need some advice.... *DELETED*
|
Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
|
Post deleted by Slick
_________________________
it ain't over til it's over...
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430989 - 09/29/05 04:05 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
You AND your husband should go out with the two of them. She will get more comfortable once she realizes that you are not after him. Your relationship is not common and it may take a little getting used to before she chills out.
By the way, I agree that he needs a backbone and should be able to talk to you on the phone if she is there, but I think he is trying to be respectful of her. Would you expect less of him?
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430993 - 09/29/05 04:20 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice.... *DELETED*
|
Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
|
Post deleted by Slick
_________________________
it ain't over til it's over...
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430995 - 09/29/05 04:24 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Ever thought to invite them BOTH over for dinner..or out to eat..or whatever... so his little fling can see that you two are honestly just friends. Doing this might help ease her nervousness of him being around you so much...and might open the door for you and her to have a good relationship. Ya never know what has happened in her past with other relationships..yet.. that is not an excuse for him to not be able to talk with you. He should assure her that you are just friends and that he wants all of you to be friends.
And personally he should not have to "sneak" to talk to you.. he needs to let her know.. you are his friend.. and she needs to accept it...
Offered up several invites, doesn't want any part of it.
She doesn't want.. or he doesn't want?
Hum....That is no good. He needs to sit and have talk with her. That is just rude. (I have more guy friends than girl friends too)
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430996 - 09/29/05 04:29 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
Quote:
I am a married female who quite honestly can't stand other women.
This could, quite frankly, be threatening to your friend's new lady. While he shouldn't have to sneak around, you need to understand that until she's secure in their relationship, she may not be ready to take on dealing with an "unusual" friendship. Give them time and be supportive. Thankfully, you're married to your best male friend and he can step up to the plate for you while the other guy is preoccupied elsewhere.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430997 - 09/29/05 05:26 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
|
She doesn't know I feel that way about female friends. She feels a man being best friends with a female is "just unacceptable". Anon, you are right, I am married to best male friend and that is good.
I always put a lot of thought into any situation before I make a big deal of it and ask for advice. I have thought and tried all things you all suggested.
I truly appreciate all your thoughts and suggestions on the issue. I think I should just mark this off and let it go.
It just hurts to lose a friend.
_________________________
it ain't over til it's over...
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430998 - 09/29/05 05:39 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 20,080
Pulling people out of the ditc...
|
well, it seems as if you both have a choice to make, and it sounds like he has made his, which is the new woman in his life, and not you. And, it sounds as if you don't want to accept this. Married or not, sounds like a bit of jealousy on your part, in that he isn't always available for you now. In a perfect world, this wouldn't be an issue, but the world isn't perfect, sorry.
_________________________
Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#430999 - 09/29/05 06:15 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
|
I was waiting for the jealousy comment. I am happy he has found someone. But just imagine.... You are so close with someone and for what ever reason, they are gone. That wouldn't hurt you? That is being upset and confused, not jealous.
_________________________
it ain't over til it's over...
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431000 - 09/29/05 06:19 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
Slick, wasn't that an episode of Friends? But seriously, it's great that you are so secure in your relationship and comfortable in your own skin, however, most people aren't. New relationships are vulnerable and I'd be willing to bet that the girl friend has been hurt by infidelity at some point. Also, if she is not the type to have guy friends, it is probibly very hard for her to understand. I'd say back off and give it time. As their relationship matures (if it does) she will no doubt trust him more and be more accepting of you. My husband and I have a "no alone time" policy when it comes to friends of the opposite sex. that's just us. She might feel similar and be okay with you and him being friends as long as you don't spend one on one time. Thats really not as bad as you think. She just might cringe at the idea of the two of them getting into a fight and then him and you going for coffee so he can B@#% about her. That's pretty legit, you have to admit (hee, hee, that rhymed) So, my advice is back off, give them time, then with consideration for the girl, start to test the new boundries. Pixie
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431001 - 09/29/05 06:56 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
|
You may not have told her that you don't like women, but your statement is so clear, I'm guessing you must give off some vibes that make it clear to her as well. I certainly would be put off by a statement like that.
I too have many male friends, in fact more than female, but I don't dislike females all together. The fact that you think females can't be trusted and are all drama is rather prejudiced. Heck you've not met men like that? I was married to a fireman for 17 years...If you want to see backstabbing, drama laden, whiney babies....visit the firehouse! Those guys are worse than most any female I've ever met when they get together.
You might consider opening up your eyes to the posibility that all women aren't awful and making an effort to be nice to her, even invite her to spend some time with you alone. I had a very dear friend (male) who had a similar problem, so I made a very concentrated effort to spend some time with his girlfriend alone, to get to know her, and so she could get to know me, and see that I wasn't interested in him in that way. It took a few akward glasses of wine and movies, but she eventually understood that he was my friend, and she could be too. But that will only work if you open your mind to learn about women a little bit. IF you really feel the way you typed in the first question, it's not worth the time.
_________________________
Dawn Coursey VP/CRA Queen
CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431002 - 09/29/05 07:09 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
slick, I think what you meant is that you don't like stereotypical women, not women in general, right?
I think people around here like to pick on wording too much instead of actually trying to understand what is being said.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431003 - 09/29/05 07:20 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,030
somewhere out there
|
I do have a few female friends, like maybe 2. And I think that is only because they feel pretty much the same way I do. I am still nice to our friends girlfriends and wives, I don't see how they could get a 'vibe'. I just don't depend on women for friedship, chit chatting over coffee and going shopping, not my cup of tea.
_________________________
it ain't over til it's over...
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431005 - 09/29/05 07:26 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
100 Club
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 238
Nebraska
|
My husband and I also have a "no alone time" policy, but it's only with people of the opposite sex that we both aren't friends with. If its a mutual friend its no big deal.
If you really want this to work out I would keep inviting them both over until she says yes. If she never gives in then its up to your friend to take a stand or end your friendship.
_________________________
Sometimes I sit and think...sometimes I just sit.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431006 - 09/29/05 07:30 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
10K Club
Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 20,080
Pulling people out of the ditc...
|
Quote:
My husband and I have a "no alone time" policy
oh my gawd, you and your husband have policies? you truly are in compliance.LOL
_________________________
Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431007 - 09/29/05 07:33 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
lol, an "understanding" I guess. There isn't a rule book or anything. 
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431008 - 09/30/05 09:03 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,594
Easy Street
|
Slick~
I lost my BFF when she met her husband and didn't see her for almost 3 years after they got married. We talked on the phone, but not a lot. We have finally gotten close again, but I think it is hard to maintain a friendship while involved in a new relationship. Have faith that you are going to loose him as a friend. Hopefully all of you will be frinds in the end.
_________________________
Some days good karma isn't worth the hassle.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431010 - 10/03/05 05:57 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Power Poster
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 4,594
Easy Street
|
Ooops  ! Good catch BQ!
_________________________
Some days good karma isn't worth the hassle.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
#431011 - 10/03/05 07:18 PM
Re: Got a situation, need some advice....
|
Anonymous
Unregistered
|
Slick, go to your guy friend and let him know that you and your husband value his friendship, and the reasons why. It's up to him from there. He may decide that the friendship he has with you and your husband is much more valuable than the new, and jealous woman in his life.
|
|
Return to Top
|
|
|
|
|
|
Previous Thread
Index