My Mom, can too! When I was growing up, she had this friend that we used to visit all the time. Turns out, they "met" when the lady called a wrong number and my Mom talked her ear off.

True story.

That's awesome.

I'm going to need it then.

Preferably home.

Interesting thought------
We all know that we should spend more time with family, grandparents, etc while we have the chance, but----
aren't we missing time with our children, if we let someone like this MIL insert herself into every situation?

I know it was suggested that GI plan some 1 on 1 time with kids, grandkids, it sounds like MIL always just assumes that she is included, whether she was invited or not. Hmmmmmmmm

And GI did plan some time for just her kids and grandkids, day after Christmas, MIL came anyway. However, GI, you may have to start having 2 functions, one with MIL and a repeat without MIL.

How rude that MIL just assumes that she is always included, she really should wait to be invited. At worst, she could test the invitation by commenting on everyone having a good time and see if they tell her that she is included.

GI, hopefully you are able to find some quality time with your family, all of them.

I thought we'd moved on to kickass grandmas/mils.

We're back.

It would be interesting to know if The Uninvited Grandmother grew up in one of those huge small-town families (like my mil's family) that lives close together, is in each other's business all the time, and truly has no idea that anyone else would ever want to live another way.

How's THAT for a run-on sentence?

she lives with them full time, she assumes she is family. until someone tells her otherwise, she is coming...

Wow. Yes, you are being selfish...in my opinion.

I could go into all my reasons but I doubt you REALLY want to hear what I think.

"neighbors who might otherwise be home alone on Christmas,"

That triggered a memory from way back. There were a couple of Christmases when I was a boy where I had to wait to open my gifts until Old Mrs. Gedke from next door could come over. She wasn't going to be able to see her grandkids and just wanted to see a happy little kid on Christmas.

Because my parents married late in life, 41 and 33, my grandfathers were both dead before I was born. We used to have a 8mm movie that had my dad's dad in it for a few seconds. I never knew what my mom's dad looked like until my mom gave me a box of "junk" when I was 44. It contained, among other things, dozens of photos of my grandfather in his WW1 uniform. She had never shown me those pictures before.

Now I just wish my own kids would start reproducing before I'm too old to enjoy grandkids.

My aunt lives with her daughter, SonIL and grandkids; she is family. She doesn't automatically assume that she is always invited. She waits to be asked, and mostly she is included, even with SonIL's family, but not always.

Sorry if this offends, the part about automatically assuming that she is going on the birthday trip with GI's mother was just really pushy.

I love big holidays, lots of extra people, it's good. But sometimes I just want time with my family. Selfish? You bet, I treasure the time with just my kids, even when only an hour or two. Bet your mom's also want some time with just you, no one else, even if just a lunch.

sadly, my Mom left when I was 10, haven't seen her for 12 years, haven't spoken to her since 2005...i wish she wanted to spend time with me...

The "uninvited" grandmother was invited. For 10 years. Suddenly, she's not invited. In my opinion, she hasn't done anything wrong by assuming a tradition that has gone on for 10 years would continue and that this year would have been like all other years. But alas, here we go round the Mulberry bush once again. I'm out. Hope you find peace in your family. The small junk isn't worth stressing over, trust me.

So sad, sorry to hear that HG, same with my father. I'll call ya, come see ya next time I am down that way. Maybe do lunch.

My mom wouldn't ever just invite herself or assume she's invited. However, you will hear about her spending Christmas with out all of her family with her for the rest of the year if you decide to go somewhere else.

I wanted to start some traditions of my own with my daughter and stay home Christmas morning - driving to my parent's that afternoon to be with family. You would have thought I had murdered someone!

My parents and in laws are very respectable of each one's time with us and the kids. We live 3 blocks from my parents, and 2 hours from the in laws. When my in laws come to visit, my parents stay home, when it's time to have everyone together we all go to my parents house. I never even thought of this as an issue to be had.

On a side note though, they are close enough for a day trip, so why are you only seeing them once a year? That just doesn't make any sense to me. I do see your point about wanting to spend alone time with the grandkids, I just don't see why your not just doing it already? How hard would it be to go pick them up on a weekend? I understand you have what? 12-13 grandkids, and you need to see them all equally, but I just don't understand why your not doing it already throughout the year.

As for Christmas, my suggestion would be to go to your sons house on Christmas day, and take the kids home with you Christmas night, that gives you grandkid alone time, and when mom and dad come to pick them up you can do whatever it is that you usually do on 26th.

If this situation would have happened with you being my mother in law, nobody would have shown up. My husband would not have taken half of the family to what has been known as a family function for the past 10 years. I'm not saying you were wrong, but it could have been worse, so it's something to think about for future functions.

All this talk of family made me think of something some politician said the other night:

"After all, that’s what most of us do when we lose someone in our family – especially if the loss is unexpected. We’re shaken from our routines, and forced to look inward. We reflect on the past. Did we spend enough time with an aging parent, we wonder. Did we express our gratitude for all the sacrifices they made for us? Did we tell a spouse just how desperately we loved them, not just once in awhile but every single day?"

Mulberry,
the first couple of years she did not come. Then one year my son asked if she could come to our house that year, I said that was fine. But I didn't think it would be every year. When she came the next year without asking, I was not sure how to bring it up. Then my other Grandkids started asking why she was at all our family functions and my daughters thought it was also kind of wierd that she was always around, they would not invite their in laws to everything, all the time. I also have big get togethers that everybody is invited to open house invitation, so it's not like I never want anybody here.

Do it, you are just as special to your daughter as your mom is to you. Sure, it's hard to change a routine, but you are giving to both of them, just at different times. This breakfast with only mom might turn out to be one of her special memories later in life. Might even be a breakfast with mom and dinner with Grandma and everyone else memory.

Going insane - I didn't read all the replies, because frankly, they really frustrated me. I don't feel you're being selfish at all. I would never expect that my MIL would be included in all family functions involving my family. Frankly, it's not fair to my parents or my siblings. My husband and I separate holidays (we do Chrismas eve with his mother, Christmas afternoon with my mom) - we drive 3 hours Christmas eve just to accomplish this. If my MIL was included in my parents Christmas simply because she's alone, then shouldn't my step-sister & brothers mother should be included since she's alone too (strange for my mom for her husbands ex to be included), on the flip side, should my dad be included since he's alone too, should my sisters MIL be included? I could go on and on. In a perfect world, maybe all this could happen, but it's not fair for the other grandkids to have someone else's grandma there, nor is it fair to other siblings. I also don't think it's fair for you as a mom to be put in that situation. Maybe I'm looking at this differently because I strech out holidays because I have my MIL, my FIL and his wife, my mom & step-dad, and my dad, and throw in a grandma. My husband and I just recently had "carve out" time for just us and our daughter for Christmas morning, it didn't go over well with the MIL (since we used to spend the night @ her house on Christmas eve), but private time with my husband and daughter is important to us and important for my daughter. I feel that the private time with my family (my mom & step-dad) is the same. In my opinion, holidays are special and I think everyone needs specicial times for themselves with their respective family and it sounds like MIL is getting that and you're not.

Obviously, a lot of people feel different, but I wanted you to know that I didn't feel you're being selfish and I completely understand your situtation even though I'm looking at it from the standpoint of a daughter.

Thank you ItNeverEnds
That is how I think it should be also.

Ditto what Cheek said.
Family is everything and the more family that surrounds you and your family means more love and blessings and happiness.

I'm a little late to this, but wanted to say that I don't think GI is being selfish at all.. It also may be a good idea to look at how this makes her other children and grands feel. I have 7 christmas's each year and 5 are a free for all the more the merrier, but the one I look forward to the most is the Christmas at my moms with just my bros sis's and kids. I would not want anyone else there and neither do my siblings it is our 1 special day when everyone is home and together. maybe GIs kids feel the same..

I don't think you are being selfish at all. In our family we split our holiday time between both families and I wouldn't want to share my family time with my husbands family time. We have different traditions at both places and I prefer it that way. I do think that when it comes to the kids' birthdays then it should be shared with both grandparents, but not the holidays. That is my opinion. I feel sorry for you because it seems like the daughter-in-law is not being very supportive of you. In my experience with my brothers and friends who have sons, it seems like the men tend to go to the inlaws more than with their own families. Women tend to stick closer to their own families than with their inlaws. I hope you can put this behind you and next Christmas it will have blown over and you get the Christmas you deserve without the other grandma there.

Sorry, I didnt take the time to read what everyone else posted, btu I wanted to add my take.

It's Christmas you are talking about--if everyone is pleasant, then the more the merrier. If the other grandma isn't a biotch or major pain, I think it's rude to ask her to nto come.

As for you wanting one day out of 365 to be with your grandkids, then schedule a different day. Heck, schedule a few of them throughout the year where you can be the solo grandma for a day. It shoudln't matter if it's a holiday, just pick a day that works with everyone's schedule and plan it in advance.