Dip,
My holiday is on a different day it is not on Christmas day. She has them on Christmas Eve and Christmas day. And she comes to my house for all other Holidays including Birthday parties for my other Grandchildren that has nothing to do with her. She come to my family picnic which is my brothers, sisters, nieces,nephews
and my parents.

I still think you're being selfish and should concentrate on other days she invites herself. Nip those in the bud as it were and then maybe having everyone together on holidays isn't such a big deal.

She IS family, if onyl by marriage. Do you just nto liek her? If you are having a family event, I say it's rude to expect her to not come if her kid(s) (your DIL/SIL) are going to be there. That's why, if you want some time alone with your grandkids, make some time for just you and them. Then it wouldn't be rude for her to not be invited or welcome since it's nto liek asll the other family will be there too.

Honestly, I think it's a little sad that you want to pick and choose what family is invited to family events. If your reasoning really is because you don't want to share your grandkids, then yeah, that's selfish.

Most people's definition of "selfish": stop thinking about yourself and think about me. Are you selfish? Probably. Are we all selfish? Pretty much. Do i blame you for wishing you could have a holiday without an in-law that you didn't expressly invite? No i don't. Everybody's situation is different and i'm certainly not saying that an in-law, by definition, is someone you wouldn't want around at Christmas. But if you don't, you don't, and i think whether you're being "selfish" or not is really beside the point. Just my opinion.

rjay, you're so selfish.

I like shellfish.

I smell fish.



Ew.

Abe Vegoda?

Innagadadavida.

Dang, he's got to be geting ripe by now.

Don't ever apologize for the way you feel - if you don't want her there, you don't want her there. I think the bigger picture is that she is sponging off of your son (if I read correctly she has no health issues but doesn't want to work and live on her own). So, between that and the fact that she gets to insert herself into every function it probably does tick you off.

However, having said that I think you just have to always think about your son and the difficulty it creates for him. I'm sure you love him and your Grandkids very much, so for now it may just have to be this way to keep the peace. Through all this, I just don't understand why they are not inviting you over on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day? I think it would go a long way to make things a little better.

Good luck with your situation.

Well said and I agree about the "reverse invites"

So sorry to hear that

They have asked me to come down on Christmas Day. And out of respect for the other Grandmother I decline the invitation. I guess as I was growing up we went to two different Christmas's one for my dad's side and then another for my Mom's side. The only time the two sides were together was a birthday or if we planned to get both sides together. That way both sets of Granparents got their special time. My Son totally agrees with me and respects how I feel. This is not causing problems with his marraige.

Since you would really know?

Next Christmas, i'd decline the invitation for Christmas Day with "No, you keep that for (the other grandmother). In return, i'd like a Christmas with just you two and the kids here at my house."

Wait a minute. They reciprocate by inviting you to their holiday celebration but because you did things differently growing up you decline and are now po'd because they won't leave the mil sitting at home alone while they come to your holiday celebration?

The past is the past. This is the present. Different people. Different situations. Different times. Let the anger and frustration go. Rejoice in the fact that they all want to be one big happy family instead of his and her factions.

Honestly, I cannot believe this is still even being discussed a month after the holidays.

THANK YOU!

*like*

Different people look at things differently. GI says out of respect for the other grandmother, she declines. I'd take her at her word on that, not knowing her personally. Some families want every in-law, stranger off the street, etc. at Christmas. More power to em and God bless you. Doesn't mean that others can't have valid differences in feelings. GI's Christmas traditions sound like those around here. Christmas in my family is for my family and all those who married into it and their kids. My siblings spouses' in-laws and the like aren't invited, not because we're cruel and uncaring, because it is OUR family's Christmas. Would we kick them out if they showed up? No. But i wouldn't show up at a Christmas like that either, unless expressly invited.

They ask you to come to their house and you're too proud/stubborn/whatever to do so - Shame on You!

Yes Going Insane, you are being selfish! Get Over It!

Well said Truff!

No kidding...

I was actually kinda coming around to your side of the argument (even though I felt it was too late and those horses are long gone and not returning to the barn), but after this extra little bit of info about you being invited to their home (instead choosing to spend the holiday alone) then yes, you are coming across as a selfish immature child.

You say your son agrees with you but I wonder how much of that is him trying to pacify you with words, and keep his hurt family from getting anymore hurt and involved in your pity party.

Time to buck up, get over it an move on! You had the chance to nip this in the bud 10 years ago and choose not to. Now, it is what it is.

Time to get over yourself, apologize, and make amends to your daughter-in-law and her mother (PERSONALLY, and not through your son!) before you become the cold bitter old grandmother that your grandchildren have no desire to visit later on.

Sad - but I'm afraid true.

My son asks me to come I am sure the other Grandmother does not want me to intrude on her Chrismas with the Grandkids either. the oldest Grandson in my Son's home is from my DIL's first mariage, so he has three Grandmothers 2 blood ones and me. So I posed the question how would they like it if the other real Grandmother (who they get along with very well) was to show up at Christmas, Thanksgiving, family picnics, and other Grandchildrens birthday parties. The DIL and her Mother didn't think they would like that very much.

By the way Chilly I am over it. I have made my decision and am comfortable with it. I am just continuing to answer questions that others are asking.

And truff I enjoyed the separate special times with each grandparent.

thank you for understanding raitchjay.

As do I with my grans.
I believe that idiom about 'it takes a village to raise a child'. Not two villages seperated by a river that you can only cross if you have that family's blood in your veins.
My grans' other grandparents are always welcome in my home. In fact, we've become friends who support each other through the good and the trying times too. We're going through one now which may end in the divorce of our children. But it will never end what we feel for our grandchildren or each other as human beings.

I'm sorry I couldn't give you the answer you obviously came here wanting. I did you give you my honest opinion based on my living a similar circumstance. I'm glad someone else could tell you what you wanted to hear.