Building on today's light bulb theme. . .

How many union electricians? 5 (one to change the bulb and four to lobby Congress for . . . whatever!)

How many scientists? 4 (one to determine the appropriate amount of torque to apply to the old bulb, one to research the proper wattage for the new bulb, one to run a control experiment on an undesignated bulb and one lab assistant to do the work.)

How many government employees? 3 (one to change the bulb and two to fill out the paper work.)

How many Hollywood actresses? 2 (one to mix the dinks and one to call an electrician.)

How many psychiatrists? 1, but that bulb really has to want to change.

How many politicians? HA, trick question. They've never changed anything!

Q: How many Viet Nam vets?
A: I don't know...
Response: That's because you weren't there, man.

Q: How many French citizens?
A: Just one, they grab hold and expect the world to revolve around them.

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb

ROTTWEILER: Just one. You want to make something of it?

DOBERMAN: Immediately decides to change the brand of lightbulb and find a more efficient form of lighting--perhaps a fluorescent bulb.

AUSTRALIAN SHEPHERD: One, but just *try* to convince them that the burned-out bulb is useless and should be thrown away.

JACK RUSSELL TERRIER: Two, but the job never gets done--they just keep arguing about who is supposed to do it and how it's supposed to be done!

BULLDOG: Just one. But it takes them three years to do it.

POMERANIANS don't change light bulbs, although sometimes their agent will get a German Shepherd in to do the job for them while they're out.

PUG: Er, two. Or maybe one. No, on second thought, make that two. Is that OK with you?

LABORADOR RETRIEVER: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned-out light bulb?

AFGHAN: Lightbulb? What lightbulb?

~CAT: I don't waste my time with these childish jokes.~

SHIBA-INU: Zero! Shibas aren't afraid of the dark!

SCHIPPERKE: It's your lightbulb - change it yourself. Unless... is there food involved??

POODLE: Sorry, Just had my nails done

BEAGLE: How many cookies do I get?

WEIMARANER: Light bulb? You want ME to change a LIGHTBULB??

LAB: Why change it? The darker it is, the longer I can sleep.

BASENJI: LIGHTBULB?? We don't change no steenking lightbulbs!!

MALAMUTE: Let him do it, you can pet me while he's busy.

BOXER: If I could stop wiggling my butt long enough to quit falling off the chair...

AMERICAN BULLDOG: One: JUMP,remove bulb, land. JUMP, replace bulb, land. Two: What lightbulb? So? We can play in the dark.

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: "I'll be glad to change the light bulb for you, but first can't we play catch with the tennis ball, or frisbee - and then I want to lick your face and rest my head in your lap and look up at you with my sad eyes. What, you're changing the light bulb yourself - you didn't have to do that - but I looooove you so much for being my friend and doing that."

DALMATIAN: Just one, but it will really hate the new bulb.

ROTTWEILER: I'll change the light bulb if I can eat the old one.

CORGI: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

SPRINGER: Lightbulb? Lightbulb? That thing I just ate was a lightbulb?

STANDARD POODLE: None. Go get human, sit under it, look up and point it out. Then go lie down in disgust that it took so long.

BORDER COLLIE: Just one. And he'll rewire the house while he's at it.

WOLFDOG: Let me see that light bulb, anyway. What's it made of, what's inside of it, what will happen if I drop it. I might change it, but let me think about it. You're not trying to tell me what to do, are you? Hey, I just had a great idea. I think I'll change that light bulb!

GERMAN SHEPHERD: "I'm kinda busy right now! I have to chase the cat, protect the kids, herd the horses, beg for food and take a nap. I'll add the lightbulb to my 'to do' list..."

DACHSHUND: Well, first get me a ladder and a treat... no, you took too long. I want TWO treats and I'll do it... No, not that treat, the other kind. Geez... do I have to do everything? (of course, followed by "the look".)

IRISH SETTER: It only takes one, but it will put in a really dim bulb.

PIT BULL TERRIER: Jump and take hold of old light bulb. Now, let go of old light bulb... I said LET GO OF LIGHT BULB. Please?? Let go of the light bulb??

GOOD OL' SOUTHERN HOUND DOG: Huh????

How many cowboys?
5--One to change the lightbulb and Four to sing about how good the old one was.

How many cops?
5 - one to change the bulb, and four to beat the crap out of the old bulb for resisting.

How many "Anonymous BOLers"?
1---and 10 to challenge the political correctness of the action

How many doctors?

1 at 10:47 Tuesday after next, but if there's an emergency we'll have to reschedule.

How many surrealists?
-none. The fish takes care of it.

DEADHEADS?

None. They don't change the lightbulb; they wait for it to burn out and then follow it around the world.

How many blondes?

5- 1 to hold the bulb, and 4 to turn the ladder in circles

How many feminists?
That's not funny.


How many women with PMS?
Six.
Why...
It just does.

LOL, Del.

Quote:

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How many women with PMS?
Six.
Why...
It just does.

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LOL, Del. I love it!

How many with ADHD?
Oh look - a butterfly! Let's go play outside!!!

Q: How many women during MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? Because no one else in this stupid house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS BLASTED HOUSE!

I'm sorry.... What was the question?

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb? (No offense intended....)

Charismatic: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostal: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterian: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.

Episcopalian: Three. One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks, and one to talk about how much better the old bulb was.

Mormon: Five. One man to change the bulb and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Methodist: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely burned out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church-wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring the bulb of
your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutheran: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Church of Christ: They do not use light bulbs because there is no evidence of their use in the New Testament.

Unitarian: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem
or compose a modern dance about your bulb for next Sunday's service, during which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

LOL!! (Lutheran here, can I get an AMEN.)

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Baptist: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and to decide who brings the fried chicken and potato salad.

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Must be one of those modern liberal baptists. At ours the three committees could not approve the change, they could only recommend it to the congregation where it could be voted on after being read for two consecutive Sundays in the morning service.