I have a bit of a dilemma and thought I'd see if any of you have read these books and if so what your opinions are.

My sister (20 years old) gave my daughter the set for her 13th birthday. I had never heard of them and thought it was a very odd gift. My daughter's not a big reader, I honestly cant remember the last time she sat down to read anything other than a magazine.

Immediately after the party my daughter went to spend the week with her dad and took the first book with her. When she came home she was upset that she had forgotten it and told me she was almost finished. She even mentioned reading the whole series before school started. I about fell over, she's never read an entire series of anything in her life. So I asked her what it was about and got...oh...these teenage girls and their friends...they're rich and drink and smoke a lot.

Needless to say that really got my attention, so I did a little research and found that there was a lot of underage drinking, smoking and sex (without a lot of negative consequences) in these books. Not exactly what I want my 13 year old reading!

So now I'm torn...do I take them away from her and tell her the content is not appropriate for her age? Or do I let her keep reading (remember how amazed I was that she was actually reading) and use this as the opportunity to talk about these books being fantasy (they go away to a grandmother's castle in Europe for a vacation...her Grandma's just took her to the St. Louis zoo for a summer vacation trip) and how the drinking/smoking/sex are wrong/illegal and why she shouldn't do them?

This is where an official parenting manual would come in handy.

drat, those kids don't come with instruction manuals!

well, seems like you gotta do one or the other; most likely too late on takin them away so its sound like you need to go into the couseling mode and undo some of this stuff

it may be time to discuss some of these things anyway so this may prove to be an opportune time

don't procrastinate though, 13 goin on 20 and all that (I have an 18 year old)

That's a tough one. If it were me, I would discuss the content of the books with my daughter and let her know that had you known what was contained in the books from the beginning you wouldn't have let her read them. They are obviously not age appropriate, although, at 13, if memory serves, girls think that everything is appropriate for them. I would still let her read them, but I would let her know that the stories are glorified and romanticized, not reality. Good luck with that one!

If I recall right... on the CW they are having a show comin this season- Gossip Girl... not sure if it's based of those novels....

I believe it is.

I guess this would be a tough one for me, too. I know when I was 13 I was an avid reader who read several books that were 'above' my age.

On the other hand, if I had a 13 year old daughter and saw her reading Paris Hilton's book, I'd burn it right in front of her.

I honestly don't have any advice for you, but I know that this series is being made into a TV show. If memory serves me correctly, it'll be on the CW Network (same network as Veronica Mars). I've seen multiple advertisements for the show and they're really pushing it as "this fall's best new series". So, you may want to monitor that. If your daughter finds out about the show she may want to watch it. If the content of the books are a concern to you, then the content of the show might be as well.

Looks like Search beat me to the punch (and we must watch some of the same TV stations!)

I would tell her that I wanted to read them first to see exactly what is in them. And then if I feel they are appropriate, she can read them and we will discuss them. That may be a way to open up communications about what you feel teenagers should be doing (and not doing!)

I have a 13 year old daughter too and I try to read some of her books. I read a lot so it's not unusual for me to pick up one of hers and read through it in a few hours after she goes to bed and then we discuss it the next day. It has actually made us quite a bit closer than we were before.

Ugh! I would say to read along with her and use the books for discussion points. Honestly, are these books the only place a 13 yo will find glorified sex and drugs?

So, be proactive and talk about specific sections in the book and how/why that wouldn't work in real life...Take a positive spin on it and use it a tool to guide her to the proper decisions.

And tell your sister to stick to cash next time.

My sister was offended that I questioned the gift. I called to ask her how old she was when she read them (started at 14-15 finished most of them by the end of high school). She felt like there were "life lessons" in there that my daughter needed that no one ever taught her (my sister). Well...no our mother didn't tell us ANYTHING!!! Which is one reason I am the way I am with my daughter...quite the opposite of my mother.

I honestly feel that the interpretation/perspective on these books is going to vary greatly at 13 versus 17.

I also have to agree that she sees stuff like this on tv all the time (no matter how hard I try to censor what she watches) and has likely heard worse at school.

Jen-My sister would slap me silly if I ever did something like your sister did. She should have spoken to you about the books before assuming she needed to be the one to provide YOUR daughter with life lessons. With that being said, I would read the books before her or with her and have good discussions about the contents. Thirteen is such a funny age for girls. So easily influenced and SOOOOO boy crazy! I just spent a long weekend with my 13 year old niece...I may have to be medicated until she's 25!

my 18 year old is boycotting CW for cancelling the Gilmore Girls, ooh, she is plenty mad

I agree with those who said not to take them away (too late) but to read them along with her or at least make her talk about them with you & you can maybe get her to realize that in the real world there are consequences.

I'd try to spin it like your very own book club! In my opinion (and what I would have done at age 13 if someone did it to me), if you tell her they're bad books, etc. she'll just crave them more and hide it. You'll stand to lose any interaction with her about it.

I think you'll be able to turn it into a positive by trying to reach her in a non-preachy way. The books will open the door.

On the other side, I'd freak out if my sister pulled that with my kids. Who is she to determine what you're kids need to know & when??

I don't mean to start anything here, but at 13 she may be less of a kid than you may think. 13-14-15 were when my friends took some definite...um...."steps" toward adulthood (and that was nearly 20 years ago). **Disclaimer** - I wouldn't read too much into that last statement if I were you and I'm not trying to worry you; just reminding the general populace reading this that 'kids' don't stay kids as long as they used too. She's probably already heard much much worse at school and among friends and you'd probably do well to follow someone above's advice and use this opportunity to discuss those sorts of things with her.

Thanks for all the input...it's helping me to keep my cool with both my sister and daughter.

I had lunch with my daughter...she admitted that there's stuff in there that's not appropriate for a 13 year old. BUT since she's almost finished with the first one I told her to go ahead and finish it and then I was going to read it and we could talk about some of the stuff in the book. Then she could decide if she was ready to continue reading them, but if she chose to continue I was going to read them first and we were going to discuss them after she finishes each one.

I cant think of a better way to "de-glorify" some of the topics in the book than by having to discuss them with your mother...and it will give me the chance to reinforce my opinions on what's right and wrong (which she's heard many times before).

Sarah...If I could have gotten my hands on my sister I would bounced her head off the wall!

Becca...as much as I'd like to deny it, I know she's definitely much less of a kid that I'd like her to be. With aunts that are 17, 20 and 23 she sees much more than I'd like and I'm constantly reminding them and her that she's not their age she cannot do the things they do. I've also noticed that several of her friends have much more laid back parents than I try to be...so I know she is exposed to things there as well.

Ok...really weird...the 20 and 23 year old sisters mentioned above are named Becca and Sarah.

Well, I grew up with a sister that's 9 years older than me if that tells you anything.

Tangent: Trouble must go with the names. (Can't speak for Sarah, but I'll venture a guess. ) My best friend in high school was also a Becca and her little sister's name is Sarah - both also trouble walking.

Becca is the 23 year old and is starting to get her head back on straight (being married with 1 little boy and another on the way is helping). Sarah is 20 and has always had a very different outlook on life thank the rest of us. Amy is 17...and is going to make the rest of us look like saints.

The thing I've noticed about Beccas and Sarahs is...we're usually pretty good at not getting caught.

LOL!!! Sarah was super sneaky, poor Becca is the only blond...and it showed. That child couldn't do anything without getting busted.

From my many years of parenting experience (said with sarcasm - don't have any kids of my own) - I think there's a big difference in hearing things at school or on TV, and reading them in a book. Books somehow make things more official, or accepted, IMO.

I think you took exactly the right route. Your daughter is blessed to have a mom that cares enough to go to these levels to make sure she's getting the "straight story."

JLJ- I think the strategy you're taking in talking with her about what she's read as well as reading them yourself is the right way to handle it. Keeping the lines of communication open between you and her, especially as she gets more teen-ager-y (I made that word up!) will hopefully make that time easier. I have a six year old daughter and I'm just dreading the teenage years. I'm hoping to have a very open and positive relationship with her where she feels like she can talk to me. I have my fingers crossed that that will happen but only time will tell. Good luck and what a lucky daughter you have. I wish I would have had that kind of relationship with my Mom.

I got a turn with the book last night, my daughter stayed the night with a friend. OMG...the thing that irritates me more than the drugs and sex (and trust me they're bad enough) is the GOSSIP. Yeah, I should have known with the title...but we had some issues last year in 7th grade with gossip and I'm constantly on her about it. These stupid books PROMOTE it. UGH!

I'm making a list (including page numbers) of instances in the book to talk about and I'm just through the first couple of chapters. It's the anal auditor in me...but also the only way to keep track of the backstabbing, sex, and drugs. Thank goodness it's only 200 pages long, this is ridiculous.

So these things are basically Comso in novel format with a dose of Jerry Springer mixed in?

Another thing parents have going against them is the whole "hollywood" scene. They all drink, do drugs, have promiscuous sex and make movies about it! It's glorified. Would be nice if there was some volunteer work you and your daughter could do together with folks whose lives have been ruined by substance abuse or sex so that she could see the real result of such activity.