CB, I couldn't help but notice your references to "the bottom of a bottle" and I hope that means you build ships in empty bottles!
There is no solace to be found at the bottom of "other" bottles. To find real freedom from the pain and disappointment, let go of the anger and resentment (and guilt, cause I'm sure there is some, speaking from experience). Those emotions rob you of the joy of life.
Step out of the middle of the situation. If the ex says to "tell the kids" ...... you make sure she knows that SHE has to tell the kids. Boundaries will set you free.
Bless you. Quite a few folks here think very highly of you, so keep on loving those kiddos and doing what you know in your heart is right.
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"No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking." ~ Voltaire
"Sustained thinking gives me a headache." ~Me