Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
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A: He didn't have the guts!

Little Miss Muffet sat on tuffet
eating her curds and whey;
Along came a spider and
sat down beside her
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so she bit off its head and
shoved the rest up her nose.

so dracula walks into a restaurant with two of his vampire buddies and asked for one pint of blood and two pints of plasma...the waiter yells over to the bartender...

give me one blood and two blood lites...(bud and budlights)

boo!

Why did the leper go to the hockey game?


Because there was a face-off in the corner!
(Go Stars!)

Q: What do you do for a jack-o-latern with a boo-boo?
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A: Give him a pumpkin patch.

What happens if you write a hot check for an exorcism?



You get repossessed!

Did you hear about the skeleton that went to the dance, he had no body to dance with.

What is Beethoven doing for Halloween this year?
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De-composing!

In reply to:

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Little Miss Muffet sat on tuffet

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Have you heard this one?

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffett
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider,
Who sat down beside her, and said
"Plenty of cholesterol, I'd say."

Know why jack-o-lanterns are better than men?

It's easy to make them smile;
You can see what's going on inside their head;
And best of all...you can throw away the parts you don't like.

My opinions are my own and not to be taken personally.

Tombstones

HERE LIES
My wife,
I bid her goodbye.
She rests in peace
And now so do I.

OWEN MOORE
Gone away
Owen more
than he could pay
Soon ripe
Soon rotten
Soon gone
But not forgotten

Happy Halloween everybody!

Hold on, I have one more. This was just too funny!

Top ten Reasons Why Trick-or-Treating is Better than Sex
10. Guaranteed to get at least a little something in the sack.
9. If you get tired, wait 10 minutes and go at it again.
8. The uglier you look; the easier it is to get some.
7. You dont have to compliment the person who gave you the candy.
6. Its OK when the person you're with fantasizes you're someone else, because you are someone else.
5. 40 years from now, you'll still enjoy candy.
4. If you don't get what you want, you can always go next door.
3. Doesn't matter if kids hear you moaning and groaning.
2. Less guilt the next morning
AND.....
1. You can do the whole neighborhood!!!!!!

You know you are too old to trick or treat when:

People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not
wearing a mask.

You win !

LOL!! That was a good one!

Halloween: A pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental Association.

Its a good day to celebrate your birthday!!

Ok, that beats my bruise costume.

Maybe 10 years ago I could handle #1, but now I'd have to settle for #4. I couldn't do #1.

Cfinch, is today your birthday? If so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Now, tell us your age )

Kidney stone?

Yes, been there done that, don't want to do it again (OUCH)!

Re: top 10 - LOL, but I'm afraid that I might be violating our Internet Acceptable Use policy that I drafted. Do I have to report myself to myself?

Yes it is! Lets just say I may be dressed like a new baby, but this body is not that new.

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and
decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for
laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were
startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty
shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and
chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his
breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my
name!"

Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
To improve his bite...

What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frostbite...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray...

What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
"Do you believe in people?"


Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash?
They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
He heard it had great circulation...