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#106005 - 08/13/03 09:01 PM
Terrible Twos!
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Platinum Poster
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 975
first lily pad on the right
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I'm looking for advice from the experienced parents out there... My 2-year-old bites. She's gotten written up at daycare twice in the last 4 days. The first time was understandable; a boy took her bunny and wouldn't give it back. We "talked" to her and told her that if someone takes her bunny, she needs to tell the teacher and NOT bite. She says in her little voice, "Okay". But let's face it, she's two, she's not comprehending it. Obviously. Anyone else have your kid do this? What did you do to stop it?
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#106006 - 08/13/03 09:12 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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I have a two year old boy in daycare also and a little while ago he began the bite thing. At that age they are only repeating what they see other kids doing at daycare - as my wife and I certainly don't bite each other at home (at least not in front of the kid).
While talking to your child (you may think she is not comprehending, but she understands you) about why it is inappropriate to do such things and reinforcing other behaviors, you should also have a chat with her teachers. Find out if and how they discipline the kids that they catch biting. Do they inform the parents? Is a specific kid the class biter and everyone else acts in accordance with that kid? Do they fill out an accident report?
-g
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#106007 - 08/13/03 09:57 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Gold Star
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 434
New Jersey
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I think it's fairly common. My daughter bit a few kids (and mom and dad when she got very excited) when she was 2, but outgrew it by the time she was 3. Of course, now she'll sneak up on her little brother and knock him over for the heck of it. I imagine soon he'll be stronger than her and it will stop once she gets some of it back.
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#106008 - 08/13/03 10:06 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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When my son was three years old, he had a daycare instructor that kept a spray bottle of "Yuckey Stuff". This was anything non-toxic (Listerine, concentrated lemon juice, etc.) that, with one small spritz in the childs mouth, would usually make them not bite again. She also used this if the children used unkind words toward others. One dose of "Yuckey Stuff" worked for my son.
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#106009 - 08/13/03 10:11 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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100 Club
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 145
Midwest
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My kids are 4, 3, and 2. (feel free to make any comment about that - we sure did!) Our first was the bitee. He got chomped quite a bit. 2nd didn't really have any biting incidents. The third - her royal highness, is a biter. It is hard to accept as a parent, but your child is not biting out of malace or poor parenting, but out of a lack of communication. My daughter didn't talk as early as some of her classmates, probably due to the other two at home always doing things for her. Do not feel as if you are a bad parent or that you have poor day care. This is just a bump in the road for lots of kids. It is important to catch your child in the act of biting and tell them "NO. Biting hurts." and remove them from the activity. It is also important that the other child receives immediate TLC while the biter is in time out. Your child will be ignored and see another child receiving attention and that helps. Parents on both sides should be notified - our daycare never tells who bit whom. We try to talk about biting and that it hurts, but two hours after the fact, a 2-year-old won't remember the incident and discipline won't be effective. I used to ask my oldest who bit him and he could never tell me. Our day care has gone so far as to have another staff member follow, or shadow, the biter to catch them in the act. Not all centers or in-home providers can do that, but it really helped for us. Just remember, this too shall pass. You're a good parent of a good child.
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#106010 - 08/13/03 11:56 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Power Poster
Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 7,353
Anchorage Alaska
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I have two year olds too...they bite alot...wait they're cats, it's normal Actually I heard a great show on daycare and children on national public radio last week that addressed exactly this. They said that it's normal for two year olds, and if properly punished (firm no and some time away from others AT THE TIME OF THE INCIDENT!) it will end! They also said it's more common that the kids do this at daycare as they see others doing just the same thing, but that they normally bite each other, verses adults. They suggested if it continues after punishment and if it's aggressively progressing in roughness, check out the environment they're in (the daycare) and consider shadowing them to get a feeling why and when it happens. If they're attacking you, and it's getting worse and worse, it's apparently a deeper issue (in the minds of the doctor on this show) that needs closer review if it continues for any length of time. My cats won't stop, but that's another story
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CRA Rating is in...Oh who cares...I'm home with the baby.
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#106014 - 08/14/03 02:30 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
I do think it will pass (and then we'll move onto something else!).
like, perhaps ... moving to a new bed ... sleeping though the night, again ... food fixations ... temper tantrums
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#106015 - 08/14/03 02:36 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,815
Minnesota
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My 3 year old and 16 mo old have been the bitees. Our daycare sends home an accident report and never says who bit who, don't think it really matters that much. They do discuss it with both parents and discipline as necessary. I think it is important to talk about it from both sides, but it will pass. Our 16 month old is a hitter and that is very frustrating for us, we have been working on that for a couple of months and it doesn't seem to be letting down much. Daycare has never mentioned it, but I wonder if that isn't why she is getting bit so often.
Don't worry about it much, it sounds like she is trying to adjust to the new daycare. It is not a result of bad parenting or not discussing it with your child...just one of those many phases they go through.
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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt~
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#106017 - 08/14/03 02:48 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Platinum Poster
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 975
first lily pad on the right
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like, perhaps ... moving to a new bed-- already done that, piece of cake! ... sleeping though the night, again-- that's one thing about my girl, she is, and always has been, a really good sleeper. ... food fixations-- on that right now. She would eat canned ravioli for breakfast, lunch and dinner every day. I say, "What would you like for dinner?" then I get an, "Ummmmmmmm" like she's really thinking about it. "Ravi-Ravis!" ... temper tantrums-- throws herself down on the ground, kicking and screaming. Lovely. Hasn't happened in a store yet (knock on wood!). All this and I still have the teenage years to look forward to!
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#106018 - 08/14/03 03:31 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Gold Star
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 455
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Quote:
"Ravi-Ravis!"
Sounds like my 2 1/2 twin girls! "Coco" is chocolate milk. Funny thing with twins is there was no fascination with a mirror. Each had seen her "reflection" since birth so there was nothing novel about it.
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#106019 - 08/14/03 03:49 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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Quote:
... moving to a new bed-- already done that, piece of cake! ... sleeping though the night, again-- that's one thing about my girl, she is, and always has been, a really good sleeper.
we're doing the sleeping thing now - w/out fail, every morning 2am he's standing beside our bed with his blankie over his shoulder ready to finish the night in our bed. Back to the "big boy bed" is always fun at 2am.
food fixations, I own stock in Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. My son's name is Max and when you ask him what he wants he says, "MAX-a-roni and cheese, please". What a trip.
-g
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#106020 - 08/14/03 03:51 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Anonymous
Unregistered
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When my 2 yr old starting biting(he's now 20) I bit him and he didn;t like that and that was the end of his biting.
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#106021 - 08/14/03 04:52 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 660
KY
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when i was 2ish and i threw a big ole temper tantrum, my mother very calmly went and got a glass of cold water in a small cup. she waited till i had a hit nice volume and hissiness (i just made a new word ) and proceeded to throw the water in my face... though i remember none of this my mother said it worked like a charm and that the look on my face was priceless! when i have children (getting married in 3 weeks) who i am sure will never throw such a fit ... i just may use this same technique.
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#106022 - 08/14/03 04:54 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,815
Minnesota
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Quote:
My son's name is Max and when you ask him what he wants he says, "MAX-a-roni and cheese, please".
My 3 yr old has always called oatmeal "happy meal"...my 16 mo old says "ut ack" for fruit snack...oh...what fun!
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Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. ~Theodore Roosevelt~
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#106023 - 08/14/03 05:07 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Diamond Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,454
metsuretsu
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I loved the two year old stage. They are so sweet and cuddly. Yes occasionally they have their moments, but in these rejoice that they are only two, have not in most cases developed an extensive vocabulary, and as toddlers are not expected to always behave themselves.
When tantrums occur, which they most certainly will, look at the situation. They could be acting out due to being tired, hungry or it could be a change in their environment. At this age they have few ways to express themselves and unfortunately, a tantrum is usually one of the most effective.
I found that our responses to tantrums usually make them worse and more frequent.
In the US parents often give in to try to stop the tantrum at hand or pick the child up and take them out af the situation to avoid a scene.
In Japan it is common to see a parent turn away and ignore a toddler when a tantrum insues, waiting until the child is finished and resumes normal behavior before noticing them again.
Obviously, our environment in the US does not allow this in many cases. If it can be done, it works well though for the simple reason that the tantrum is to get our attention, if we do not give our attention then the tantrum is useless.
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#106024 - 08/14/03 05:18 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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10K Club
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 40,766
Turnpike Exit 10
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Quote:
I loved the two year old stage. They are so sweet and cuddly. Yes occasionally they have their moments, but in these rejoice that they are only two, have not in most cases developed an extensive vocabulary, and as toddlers are not expected to always behave themselves.
I agree K, my son was an angel at 2, it was the whole year of age 3 that drove me nuts.
Skye, the water in the face trick, I like that one! My son, (of course when he was 3) used to refuse to take his medicine (he was prone to ear infections), to the point where he would start gagging and spit it up everywhere. One day, when I was out of patience and already late for work, I sat him in the kitchen sink and told him he couldn't get out until he took his medicine. He took it and after about 4 "sink sits" he started taking his medicine without a hitch.
What does Nanwa say? "Resistance is futile"!!!
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Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. - Mark Twain
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#106025 - 08/14/03 05:39 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
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Skye, congrats on your upcoming nuptials!
RE: the tantrum issue, I remember knowing that if I threw a tantrum I would be yanked out of the store/restaurant/wherever so fast my head would spin. I don't remember it actually happening, but something certainly made that impression upon me!
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I disbelieved what he was saying so hard, I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true.
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#106026 - 08/14/03 06:34 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Power Poster
Joined: Nov 2001
Posts: 7,985
FINALLY ABOVE the gnat line
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I know exactly what gave ME that impression. My Mother would just say "If you cry, scream, and embarrass me in this public place, I'll give you something to scream about when we get home!" Worked like a charm for us.
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#106027 - 08/14/03 06:41 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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100 Club
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 162
Iowa
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I remember back when my son was 2 and we were having a birthday party for him and his cousin who was then 4. My son was acting 2 in a big way - mister independent - when one of the grandpa's at the birthday party said "You can be thankful that he has a mind of his own. That will help him out when he's older."
Another time he decided to "act up" was as we were leaving the grocery store. As I was attempting to take control an elderly lady encouraged me in what I was doing. Both of these times wise words were given by those who had been there before and helped me look at things in a different light.
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#106028 - 08/14/03 07:51 PM
Re: Terrible Twos!
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Platinum Poster
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 660
KY
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thanks ExGovtBabe... i am 26 years old and mother can still put the fear of God in me ... i attriubte this to being my mom more than my friend when i was little. what she said went and that was the end of it... and now she's one of my best friends and i respect her for not letting me get away with murder!
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Practice, practice makes perfect, Perfect is a fault, and in fault lines change
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