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#1495383 - 01/14/11 03:35 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
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the sandy shore
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Does she have other children, or is your DIL her only?
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#1495389 - 01/14/11 03:36 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
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100 Club
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That's a tough one. As tough as its on you, it's also tough on your son and daughter-in-law because she lives with them. They are the ones who are probably hearing her complain.
I have a similar situation with my family, though my MIL does not live with us she wants to be included in all of my family's function. I decided to separate Christmas this year and it was the second time in my entire life I didn't see my parents on Christmas and it was tough on me.
Let me ask you this, do you get along with your DIL's mother?
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Nevermind tomorrow, TODAY is the day. -unknown
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#1495403 - 01/14/11 03:45 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
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does the mother have some sort of problem? health maybe?
If she lives with the family, does she maybe need someone there at all times for some reason and that's why she has to travel with them too?
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#1495421 - 01/14/11 03:54 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
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You have a wonderful son to tolerate this, he is in a difficult position.
Please clarify, have you made this request yet, or are waiting for additional input?
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Societies that do not find work in and of itself "pleasing to God and requisite to Man," tend to be highly corrupt.
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#1495426 - 01/14/11 03:57 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
hmdagal
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Pulling people out of the ditc...
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she lives with them, she is part of their family. No different than if they had a foster child, wayward nephew, or anyone else living with them for 10 years. They wouldn't be excluded, neither should she. In high school, a friend of mine had a bad home life and lived with us for the last 2 years of school. If there was a family function or vacation or anything else, he came as well. He was part of our family, even if he wasn't "blood".
Yes, you are being jealous, and in my opinion, a tad petty. Christmas isn't about having your Grandkids run up and hug you first, it's not a competition among grandparents.
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Providing alternative truths since the invention of time
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#1495435 - 01/14/11 04:01 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
HappyGilmore
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Joined: Nov 2009
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she lives with them, she is part of their family. No different than if they had a foster child, wayward nephew, or anyone else living with them for 10 years. They wouldn't be excluded, neither should she. In high school, a friend of mine had a bad home life and lived with us for the last 2 years of school. If there was a family function or vacation or anything else, he came as well. He was part of our family, even if he wasn't "blood".
Yes, you are being jealous, and in my opinion, a tad petty. Christmas isn't about having your Grandkids run up and hug you first, it's not a competition among grandparents. I completely agree.
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Opinions expressed in these threads are my own and not my employer's.
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#1495438 - 01/14/11 04:03 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
HappyGilmore
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As I said it's a tough situation for everybody involved. HappyGilmore has a very good point, she is part of their family.
If you want more of a one-on-one with the grandkids, maybe you can keep them for a weekend out of every month.
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Nevermind tomorrow, TODAY is the day. -unknown
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#1495439 - 01/14/11 04:04 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
ecrew,CRCM
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what does the other Grandma do if not included with the rest of the family for Christmas?
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#1495445 - 01/14/11 04:08 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
ecrew,CRCM
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As a general rule of thumb, if you ask a question about yourself (i.e., Does my breath stink, Do these jeans make my butt look big) it's usually true. If you want a grandchildren only weekend, request only the grandchildren to be dropped off by their respective parents and arrange for the parents to return at a given time to retrieve their children. If you want to have a "family" event with your children, their spouses and children--effectively excluding your DIL's mother--then you are being selfish.
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#1495447 - 01/14/11 04:08 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
Peepers
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Not prison
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I have to go with Happy on this one. (I know. Right?)
You can still have quality time with the kids. You don't have to exclude someone to do it.
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#1495448 - 01/14/11 04:09 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
Peepers
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You are here
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what does the other Grandma do if not included with the rest of the family for Christmas? Go to KFC with Peepers for some double downs
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#1495450 - 01/14/11 04:10 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
edAudit
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hey! my family invites the whole family over on Christmas (even me)
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#1495452 - 01/14/11 04:11 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
Aggs
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Acceptance, USA America
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Going Insane, I can understand your wanting the grandkids all to yourself every once in a while. Instead of excluding DIL's mom you should arrange a day when it's just you and the grandkids. Don't include son and DIL. Just you and the grandkids. Make it a day that is not a holiday. And don't tell son or DIL why you are arranging this grandkid only get together. In laws = compromise.
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#1495453 - 01/14/11 04:11 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
ecrew,CRCM
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Junior Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 25
somewhere over the rainbow.......
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Why not have the grandkids over to your place overnight ocassionally? Start some traditions with them... bake cookies or what have you.... I agree with other posters... Christmas is a time to be with "all family"...blood or not! I'm the type that enjoys "the more the merrier"....
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#1495454 - 01/14/11 04:11 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
edAudit
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Power Poster
Joined: Jul 2002
Posts: 6,726
the sandy shore
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It's Christmas. She's supposed to sit home alone? I do think you're being selfish.
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I disbelieved what he was saying so hard, I probably created an alternate universe where it wasn't true.
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#1495459 - 01/14/11 04:15 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
E.E.G.B
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Joined: Mar 2004
Posts: 2,512
Up North
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I agree with other posters that said find something special to do with your grandchildren that doesn't involve the rest of the family and holidays. I also feel that this put your DIL in the position of having to choose between her mother and you.
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#1495463 - 01/14/11 04:17 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
RR Sarah
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Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,331
Hoosier Country
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I also think you should think of what is the best thing for your grandkids... Don't you think they love celebrating the big family Christmas, regardless on what the day on the calendar is, and having both grandmas there?! Some of my best memories from childhood are celebrating the holidays with BOTH sets of grandparents.
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CRCM + CAMS = certified compliance nerd
Opinions expressed in these threads are my own and not my employer's.
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#1495464 - 01/14/11 04:18 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
Bacon Boy
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Joined: Jul 2004
Posts: 19,002
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As a general rule of thumb, if you ask a question about yourself (i.e., Does my breath stink, Do these jeans make my butt look big) it's usually true. If you want a grandchildren only weekend, request only the grandchildren to be dropped off by their respective parents and arrange for the parents to return at a given time to retrieve their children. If you want to have a "family" event with your children, their spouses and children--effectively excluding your DIL's mother--then you are being selfish. I wonder if I really am the best looking, tight-bodied, smartest human being to rome roam the earth. WOW, BB - YOU ARE CORRECT!!!!!
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With the lights out, it's less dangerous.
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#1495466 - 01/14/11 04:20 PM
Re: Please tell me if I am being selfish
RR Sarah
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Joined: Aug 2002
Posts: 34,318
under the Lone Star
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I agree with other posters that said find something special to do with your grandchildren that doesn't involve the rest of the family and holidays. I also feel that this put your DIL in the position of having to choose between her mother and you. put the son in a tight spot as well, he had to chose between the woman he chose to cling to after leaving his mother and father, and now this....
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Societies that do not find work in and of itself "pleasing to God and requisite to Man," tend to be highly corrupt.
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